They Bring Me to You
by leyton-is-lovee
Summary: We know Lucas said 'I do' , but what if Lindsey did also? I know this idea has been dragged through the mud it's been done so many times, but those of you who know me know I will do my best to keep it different. LP eventually. Complete!
1. This Ain't A Fairytale

**I don't own it, nor do I own "White Horse" by Taylor Swift.**

AMAZING SONG! It's incredibly powerful and tear worthy. I shed a few every time I listen to it lol.

**KHO** update is coming, I swear!

The other night the Leyton was perfect. Everything about them had me swooning! Gah, they're adorable and flirty and just amazing.

That being said, this one-shot is mildly depressing haha.

Enjoy?

* * *

_Say you're sorry  
That face of an angel  
Comes out just when you need it to  
As I paced back and forth all this time  
Cause I honestly believed in you_

They're all sitting in the pews. A blonde and her two biggest supporters. One is clutching her hand and the other has his hand firmly planted on her shoulder. Both are actions are to stop her from running down that damned aisle.

_It's almost over_, she tells herself. But that brings no true release from this pain. After this is all said and done she'll still be alone and the love of her love will be married. The priest speaks the traditional vows and she watches with tear filled eyes as this happens. She focuses on the groom and wants to scream. The words he's saying and the things he's feeling were all supposed to be meant for her. This was supposed to be **their** day.

Not **his** day.

"I do", he breathes out. And her tattered heart disintegrates.

Her best friend squeezes her hand and she smiles softly. Now, it's the brides turn to pledge her love and then it's all over. Any hope she had will forever be squashed. It isn't until the priest asks that final question that she feels a spark of hope.

She hesitates. It's only for a second, but everyone in the Church – groom included – can feel it. She's going to say no. She's going to tell him she can't possibly marry him. Not when he so clearly loves another woman.

She read his book and wasn't a total moron. She knew the significance of the Comet and the impact it had on the boy. She knew the longing and desire the boy held for it surpassed any scientific amazement. She knew that the boy would always keep the Comet close to his heart. Maybe even, give the Comet all of his heart.

The bride opens her mouth and takes in a shaky breath.

"I do", she whispers and the entire place is stunned.

Haley softly gasps. Nathan's mouth drops. Karen bows her head. Andy sighs. Brooke furrows her brows. Skills shakes his head. Mouth and Millie both slouch their shoulders. And Peyton can feel the vomit rising up her throat.

Lucas blinks his eyes at least three times before reality sets in. Lindsey's said yes. If there was one thing in the world he was banking on, it was that she would give him back the ring and run out of this Church. But that hadn't happened. The priest announces that he may kiss his bride and as he does it seals his fate. This is it. One woman forever.

The **wrong** woman forever.

They lock hands and walk down the aisle with smiles on their faces. Lucas's face hits the second pew and that smile is gone. She's barely keeping it together. Brooke's literally holding her up, but she's still here. She's smiling an incredibly fake smile and he can see her gagging, but she's still here.

His precious Peyton.

He's about to mouth something to her, anything to her, but Lindsey pulls him along. _It's for the better_, he thinks. Apologizing at this point would seem pointless.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

_Holding on  
The days drag on  
Stupid girl,  
I should have known, I should have known_

"Get a grip", she berates herself. She's standing outside the reception hall. Her backs pressed flat against the wallpapered walls and her hand pushes her bangs out of her face. All of her friends have gone in already. Plastered smiles on their faces and taken deep breaths to let the charade begin. She knows it's hard for them too. They're happy for Lucas, but they always thought they'd be able to be happy for Lucas and Peyton on this day.

She should have known better. That's the one thought that flashes into her mind every other minute. She should have known better then to believe in True Love Always. True Love period, is impossible to believe in now. She takes a deep breath and pushes away from the one thing that's holding her up.

She places a shaking hand on the large golden handle and pulls the door open. She's the last person to enter so naturally all eyes are on her. She ignores the stares and the protective stance Brooke has, ready to drag her back out that door at the smallest sign of a breakdown.

She stands in line behind all the other people that are waiting to wish them well. Lucas and Lindsey stand together and smile at the people they meet; shake their hands and kiss their cheeks. Lucas catches sight of the curls at the end of the line and he can feel his heart tear.

"Congratulations", she says with the fakest smile possible.

The bride watches her with mixed emotions. She can't believe she's standing in front of them with a smile as she congratulates them on their marriage. But she knows she's doing it for Lucas, because she loves him and when you love someone you'll do anything for them. Contrary to what she had said a few weeks ago in the library, she still is the same Peyton. Noble and kind.

Lindsey thanks her and they both wait for Lucas to do the same, but he's not paying attention to any of that. He can only think about her and what she's going through. She's gorgeous as always, but that isn't want he's looking at. He's not trying to look at her outward appearance; he's trying to see past that. She's smiling and trying to keep her breaths in sync, but he see's past it all. Her eyes are red and swollen, and her bottom lip is quivering. Her eyes are dead and that hurts him the most because he's the only one that can read that far into her.

He opens his mouth and wants to apologize, to tell her he's sorry he's caused her this pain, but he can't. So instead he stands a little straighter and smiles a little brighter and says, "Thank you, Peyton."

When he thanks her she wants nothing more then to knee him in the groin or punch him in the face. She can't help but to feel like he's thanking her for so much more then her well wishes. Like he's appreciative of the fact that she didn't object to the wedding or that she didn't drug Lindsey like Skills said to. If only he knew what was running through her head a few minutes ago.

She nods her head and leaves the happy couple to themselves. Lucas watches her walk away and can feel the blood drain from his body. From now on, he'll always watch her walk away. God, he wants nothing more then to run after her, pull her into his arms, and let her tears soak the material of his tux. He wants to save her from this pain.

But he can't because he's caused it.

As she walks away she can feel the anger boiling up. Not the anger at him though, the anger at herself. She hates that she's become this bitter ex-girlfriend. In the course of a few short hours she's gone from hopeful to hopeless and that's a pretty sucky feeling.

She wishes she was strong enough to be like Julia Roberts in _My Best Friends Wedding_. She wants to be able to stand on the stage and give an endearing toast and have her true moment of unspoken gracefulness by giving them _their_ song. She stops mid-step and shakes her head.

She would rather watch him get married again then watch him dance with his new wife to _The Way You Look Tonight_.

It seems tragically cliché now, but that really had become their song in high school. She was sick; hadn't showered in two days, un-brushed hair, zero makeup, sick, and Lucas came over to check on her. They were still working on a friend's only basis; he was hell bent on winning back her best friend so when she saw him she was more then surprised. She can still remember the frown he made at the sight of her in any type of pain.

That night was their Fall Ball – typical high school dance – and since she clearly wasn't going to be in attendance, he wanted to make sure she got a feel of it. He pulled her out of bed, despite her protests, and turned on the radio. Frank Sinatra's smooth voice filled her bedroom and he smirked as he pulled her close. They swayed tenderly to the song and he ignored her worries about him getting sick too. All her protests stopped when he brought his lips to her ear and softly spoke the words Frank was singing.

"You okay, P. Sawyer?" Brooke's raspy voice snaps her from her past. The blonde nods her head and takes a seat beside her best friend.

"Yeah", her breathy response is a mere tremble of a syllable. Brooke frowns and places her hand on top of Peyton's.

"Whenever you wanna go, we can get out of here", her raspy voice whispers.

Peyton smiles a true smile, grateful to have the friend that she does.

"Thanks, but I'll be okay", she assures her longtime friend. And she will be. She can sit here and eat and drink and laugh at the lame attempts her friends make to keep her sane. She can do this. She can hold back to tears for his sake. She can tolerate watching them from afar and when it comes time for the speeches Nathan and Haley will make, she can slip in her ear-buds. So really, it isn't going to be too bad.

And then the couple takes to the floor for their first dance as man and wife.

_I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down  
Now it's too late for you  
And your white horse, to come around_

She's standing outside, needing the fresh air more then ever. She had made it through the first dance, listened to the speeches and suffered through the impromptu kisses whenever someone clanked their champagne glasses. Her final straw came when it was time to cut the cake.

They posed so wonderfully – happily – that she simply couldn't stand to be there any longer. Her long legs carried her to the closest exit and she gasped once the warm air hit her face. She inhales deeply, wishing she was drunker then the tipsy feeling that takes over her. All she wants is to be able to pass out and forget today ever happened.

With one last deep breath she turns and walks back into the hall. The second the door opens she's hit with a blast from her past. The gentle piano keys fill her ears first and then the smooth voice filters through her body and she can feel her knees go weak.

"I'm dreaming", she whispers aloud to herself. She scans the room and stops at the table reserved for her and her friends. All their eyes are filled with concern. She shakes her head. Her eyes dart to the D.J. booth and Mouth looks at her guiltily. And last, but not least, she sees Lucas standing at the edge of the dance floor with a hopeful look on his face.

She isn't dreaming. This is real.

She takes a step forward and Nathan stands from his seat – she can only assume – fully prepared to pick her up off the floor and carry her out of here, but she brushes right past him. Her heel hits the wooden dance floor and that sound seems to make everyone shiver, even though they can't hear it.

Before he has time to gather any real thoughts, she's in his arms – in the most respectable way of course. One hand is on his shoulder while her other is in the air clasped with his. His other hand clutches her waist and he quickly inhales in her scent.

"Where's Lindsey?" she asks as they sway to the calming beat of the song. She probably should have been more concerned about her whereabouts before, but she truly didn't care. This is her song with Lucas and nothing would get in the way of that.

"Bathroom", he breathes out. She nods and looks around; Haley's sitting beside Nathan with her eyes boring onto the two of them. She opens her mouth, but Lucas has her unsaid answer. "With her mother."

Peyton laughs humorlessly. "Smart move", she says. "The new mother-in-law probably wouldn't like this – Hell, the bride wouldn't like this", she adds.

"I just needed to talk to you", he says softly.

"And you couldn't approach me outside? You had to resort to this?" it's harsher then she intended it to be and when his face falls she almost feels bad.

_Almost._

"Would you have stayed in the same room with me – just me – long enough for us to talk?" he asks pointedly. She concedes and looks up at him.

"Are you happy?" she asks. She isn't sure she wants to know the answer to this, but she feels that everything she's going through will be worth it as long as he's happy.

He's silent for a long time. Longer then his acceptable answer would take and she can feel her brave exterior crumble. The song and being in his arms is too much for her to take and her bottom lip starts to shake. He pulls her close.

"I'm so sorry", he whispers. She shakes her head; her curls hitting his cheek with the movements.

"God Luke", she says painfully.

"How can I make this better?" he asks. His need to save her will never go away and seeing her in this much pain, it's too much to bear. "Tell me what I can do?" he pleads.

She looks up at him from under her lashes. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears, but a small, sad smile manages to grace her lips.

"Got a time machine?"

Despite themselves they both let out a small chuckle. If only it were that simple. She would have walked to his book signing. He would have called her that night. She would have gone back to Tree Hill sooner. He would have broken up with Lindsey.

She would have said yes.

He would have slept beside her until she awoke.

She closes her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that are building, but she can feel the warm liquid trail from beneath her lids. "I'm gonna have to leave after this", she whispers and he nods in understanding. "I'm also gonna be really mad so, don't try to come around", she warns him, but it comes out as a request.

"I can't promise that", he says seriously and she nods in understanding.

He's always been her savior. The one to rescue her from the cruel world that's been her home. He's always been the boy to cradle her heart with the gentlest hands. And now he's the one squeezing the life out of it. He opens his mouth and lets out a breath before clearing his throat and whispering;

"Lovely . . . never, ever change", Peyton suppresses a sob. "Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it?" he has to stop because right now all he can feel is the burning in his throat and the onset of tears. His arm wraps around her waist and pulls her closer to him. She rests her cheek against his chest and squeezes their clasped hands.

"Cause I love you . . . just the way you look tonight."

The song ends and she detangles herself from his arms. Brooke's on her feet the instant Peyton steps away from him and like a flash, her curls are running from him, his brunette ex following after her.

He can only hope they know how to save her.

_Baby I was naive,  
Got lost in your eyes  
And never really had a chance  
I had so many dreams  
About you and me  
Happy endings  
Now I know_

Days go by, but it's not like she really notices. Her life consists of working and drinking. Brooke doesn't like the second occurrence, but there's nothing she can really do about it. Peyton's a grown twenty-two year old woman. Now, that's not to say she supports it because she doesn't. Every time Peyton leaves the house to head to TRIC Brooke eyes her warily and frowns. She offers girls nights and double dates, but Peyton shakes her head and walks out the door.

Tonight isn't any different. Brooke watches as her best friend tucks a straight piece of hair behind her ear and applies lip gloss with her finger. She smiles quickly and faces Brooke.

"Don't wait up", Peyton says with a smile. She has her hand on the doorknob when she hears Brooke say;

"I never do anymore."

She hesitates for a fraction of a second, but pulls the door open anyway and slams it shut behind her. She walks past her car and her heels hit the sidewalk. She got tired of driving there a long time ago; it was annoying to have to walk to work with a hang over. She glances back at the house and frowns when she sees Brooke standing by the window, peeking behind the curtain like a concerned mother. She promises that one day she'll take her best friend up on her offer to double date, she really will, but Owens just gotten back into town and they're so happy that she doesn't want to ruin it for them.

As she walks up the stairs and into the place she helped create she frowns; maybe she shouldn't be doing this. The thought leaves just as quickly as it enters. She slides onto her usual bar stool and Owen frowns.

He's caught in the middle and hates it. Peyton's a buying customer, he can't refuse her. Brooke has a hard time seeing it from his perspective. She'll call when Peyton gets home and start yelling at him, like screaming, but eventually that turns into tears and he has to assure her that she'll get her best friend back; she's just a little lost.

"The usual", Peyton says as she places a ten dollar bill on the bar. Owen sighs and takes the money before turning around to make her drink. It's easier to help Brooke out when she orders things like this; he can water down the liquor with juices and flavors. It isn't until she catches on that he's in trouble. She'll order shots and there's nothing he can do to weaken them.

He watches as she chugs the drink and motions for another. He wonders when someone will smack some sense into her. There has to be someone out there that can get her to stop this. As if on cue a blonde man slides onto the stool beside her.

She doesn't move. Doesn't turn her head. Doesn't let her eyes glance. But her lips purse. Her body stiffens. She knows exactly who's sat beside her. With her head still facing forward she opens her mouth and hates how weak her voice sounds;

"Unless you intend on sleeping with me I'd change stools."

His fist clenches and his jaw sets angrily. He's gone for a week and things fall apart. "So it's true . . . you really are sluttin' up the town?" he asks bitterly.

She closes her eyes; his harsh words rock her very core. Especially because they aren't true. She's never, not once, gone home with a guy. She knows drinking can't replace Lucas, there's no way another man could. She lets out a breath and sips her drink.

"Where's Lindsey?" she asks pointedly. He looks out into the crowd and back at her. He knows his answer will enrage her, but maybe if she gets angry she'll leave.

"New York", he says timidly. "She wanted to get a start on my book tour."

Peyton's both elated and pissed. She's glad that things are going so well for him, but it figures that he'd be here when his wife wasn't around. "When the wife's away . . ." she whispers.

"Peyton, you're better then this", he says. She shakes her head in protest.

"I used to think that. I used to think that I deserved that fairytale ending. The princess finally getting her prince. A happily ever after", she smiles sadly and he can see the water pool in her eyes. "Things change", she says harshly.

"You still do deserve all that", he argues.

"If its one thing I've learned it's that it's pointless to believe in fairytales", she finishes her drink and tells Owen she wants a shot; to make it a double.

"There's nothing wrong with fairytales, Peyt", he whispers with a hoarse voice. She ignores the way her heart pounds at the phrase Ellie told her years ago. She shakes her head and speaks;

"How did you know I was here?" it's a random question, but she wants to deflect any of the tension she feels looming.

"It's a small town", he says simply. "People talk."

She laughs bitterly. "They sure do."

He raises his brows. "Look, I just want you to know that I'm here", he bravely reaches his hand across the wood and places it atop hers. She lets it linger before pulling away like his hand was on fire. She tilts her head back and lets the clear liquid burn her throat. She takes a breath and keeps her eyes straight ahead.

"I'm not yours to save anymore, Lucas", she says despondently.

The words hit him harder then he would have thought and he has to take a moment to breathe. "I'm not – I'm just . . . I'm sorry", he finally sputters out. "I'm just worried."

"You haven't even been here in a week!" she says angrily. "You don't know what the past week was like. You don't know what they'll all be like", she finishes with a whisper.

"Peyt—"

"Go home, Luke", she cuts him off. "People are gonna talk."

And they will. They'll talk about the destined couple that didn't last. They'll talk about the pathetic girl who couldn't let go. They'll talk about the boy who wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He sighs; knowing there isn't anything left to say and stands from the stool. He sends Owen a pleading glance and the other man nods in agreement. Lucas makes it to the top of the staircase when he pauses and looks back at Peyton. He feels his heart break a little bit more. The gold band on his finger catches his eyes and he shakes his head before walking away.

They'll talk about the author who should have married the girl he wrote both his books about.

_I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down  
Now it's too late for you  
And your white horse, to come around_

"I need a change."

Brooke looks up from her bagel and stares at her best friend. She doesn't look hung-over, which is a first. Her hairs brushed and her eyes aren't puffy from a drunken breakdown. She quirks a brow and waits for the next sentence. Peyton rolls her eyes and sits in front of her.

"I'm going to LA."

Brooke coughs up a piece of the dough and gasps for a breath of air. Leaving? Of all the things to be said, she wasn't expecting that.

"P. Sawyer", Brooke begins. She wants to ask a ton of things, but instead she starts simple. "What brought this on?"

"John sent me an email the other day. He offered me a chance to expand the label", she says with a timid smile.

"Peyton, you have a record label here", Brooke points out the obvious in a desperate attempt. The blonde sighs and stands from the seat. She walks to the refrigerator and takes out the orange juice before reaching for a clean glass from the drain board.

"And the beauty of that is that I can take off when I need to."

"So, this isn't anything permanent?" Brooke asks with relief. She's just gotten her best friend back, she can't lose her again.

"I didn't say that", Peyton mutters. Brooke stands and walks over to her. She places one hand on the marble countertop and waits for Peyton to face her.

"Does this have to do with Lucas?" she asks knowingly. Peyton raises a brow.

"Why don't you tell me", she puts her hands on her hips. Clearly her best friend knows what went on last night, but is skirting around it.

"Okay, I might have talked to Owen last night", she says meekly. "But I only call him to make sure you've left the bar alone and that you were able to function", she defends herself.

"You check up on me?" Peyton asks in anger.

"You're damn right I do and don't change this around", she says while wagging her pointer finger in the air. "He told me Lucas was there, P. He told me you guys had a pretty heated conversation."

Brooke stands there in silence and waits for her childhood friend to place the missing pieces into the puzzle that's in her mind. Peyton huffs and raises her eyes to the ceiling in a hopeless attempt to keep her tears at bay.

"I just . . . there are too many ghosts here B. I've tolerated all that I can—"

"He hasn't even been around for a week, Peyton!"

"Because he's been on his **honeymoon**!" the blonde yells back. The brunette crumbles and she takes a step in Peyton's direction.

"Honey, I'm sorr—"

Peyton takes a step away from her and Brooke frowns. "I was okay with him gone, but being here – with him and his **wife** – it would all be too hard. And then he comes into TRIC trying to be the martyr . . . it's just too much", she says.

"We both know that's no something he can help", Brooke rasps.

"Yeah well, it'll be easier with me far away from here. God, Brooke you should have seen him last night", she shakes her head and her straight hair falls into her eyes. "He was so . . ."

"Distraught. Angry. Lost?"

"Brooke", Peyton sighs out. "He's none of those things."

"Okay, P. Sawyer. Live in that denial world", Brooke scoffs and puts her plates in the sink.

"It's a habit for him to be protective", she brushes her off. Brooke rolls her eyes.

"He didn't care when I started dating Chase in senior year and he didn't care when I started dating Owen, but the thought of you sleeping with someone else mad him so mad that he had to go see you. That's not just a habit, Peyton."

"Well, then maybe that's why I'm leaving. He needs to realize that I'm not his to save anymore. Maybe I never was. I obviously never will be", she finishes sadly. Before Peyton can take a step back, Brooke walks forward and wraps her arms around her petite friend.

"You're gonna be okay."

_And there you are on your knees,  
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me  
Just__ like I always wanted but I'm so sorry_

A few days pass and Peyton's just about done packing. She had told Brooke it wasn't permanent, but she may have lied. Being in LA just seems right; it seems helpful – for both her and the newlyweds. She needs to get away and forget about the dreams Tree Hill once held for her. She needs to live in the real world and while that sucks, it needs to happen.

There's a pounding on the front door and she stares at it before walking towards it. The pounding gets louder and she raises her brows. She pulls the door open, fully intent on giving this person an attitude, but her words get stuck in her throat.

He walks into the house with a greeting and right into her bedroom. He stops in his tracks and can feel his entire world crash down around him. It's true. She's packing. She's moving.

She's leaving him.

"It's true?" he asks with a dry mouth. She comes to stand behind him with her arms folded over her chest.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. Her voice is strong and lets him know she doesn't want him around. He spins around to face her and his face gives off all of his feelings.

"You're leaving?" he asks like a lost child. She nods and brushes past him. She puts some more clothes into the box and hopes he'll take the hint to leave. Five minutes later she can still feel his blue eyes on her.

"Was there something you wanted?" she asks coldly. She doesn't know where her attitude has come from, but she figures after everything he deserves it.

"When are you leaving?" he's frantic at this point. Taking jumbo steps into her room and keeping his hands in his pockets so that he doesn't start _unpacking_ her stuff. She looks at him and feels her resolve slightly fall.

"Tonight", she whispers. His eyes meet hers and she can only meet them for a minute. It's too strong of an emotion and their connection is still too strong. She wants to cry at the look in his eyes.

"Were you even going to say goodbye?" it's a harsh tone, but he doesn't care. She's leaving. She's going to LA to do God knows what with God knows who. She's leaving. She's moving thousands of miles away.

God almighty, she's leaving.

Her anger returns and she shakes her head. He marries Lindsey, but won't let her go without an argument. For so long she's wanted him to make some type of decree. To acknowledge that he may have made a mistake. It takes her leaving to invoke any of those emotions. Typical Lucas Scott.

"Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Brooke will all be at the airport. Skills and the boys were over a little while ago", she says like they're the only obvious people she needs to see. He walks over to her and he seems to tower above her. She takes a step back and can feel her pulse race. Lucas has never frightened her, but right now he's intimidating as Hell.

"You know what I mean", he whispers at a dangerously low level.

"I figured you'd be busy with you wife", she spits back at him. He shakes his head and raises a finger.

"Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with this", he says angrily.

"She has everything to do with this!"

She can feel the tears once more, but refuses to shed any. She walks back over to her box; right in front of him and continues her original task. He breathes in her scent for what has a feeling will be the last time. It haunts his nostrils and he knows it will haunt his dreams.

"Don't leave", he finds himself saying. She freezes and snaps her eyes shut.

"Goodbye, Lucas", she whispers. She shakes his head and places his hands on her shoulders. They both shiver at the contact.

"Don't leave", he requests again. She shrugs his hands away and he tries to ignore the way his heart breaks.

"Goodbye, Lucas Scott", she says more forcefully.

He clears his throat because the burning has gotten too intense. He closes his eyes because the build up of tears has blurred his vision. She knows all these things are happening and it tears her down. He backs away from her; wanting to see her for as long as possible before he has to turn the corner.

She's proud that she was so strong when saying goodbye. She's proud that she didn't cry. She's proud that she didn't melt into his touch. She's proud that she's moving on. The tears prick her eyes and she sniffles.

She's proud that she can _almost_ believe that.

_Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale  
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well  
This is a big world, that was a small town  
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now  
And its too late for you and your white horse  
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now _

She waits in the airport for her flight to be called. Her closest friends have left; needing to get on with their own lives. She understands completely, she loves the fact that they even came. She's still got about a half hour to go so she sits with her I-pod in her ears and shuffles through her songs. An old Dashboard Confessional song fills her ears and for some reason she looks up.

He stands there with his eyes slightly red and his face flushed. She tilts her head to the side and pulls out her ear buds.

"What are you doing here?" she asks with a sigh.

"I couldn't **not** see you", he whispers with a hoarse voice. She nods and waves.

"Goodbye again", she says with a smile. He shakes his head and sits beside her. His hands lay flat on his knees and he hunches over. It's like he's in extreme physical pain.

"I'm sorry for everything", he says. "I remember the first time I ever saw you, all skinny arms and a tangled mess of hair", she bites her lip. "It was hard letting you go, Peyton. It was hard losing you, it was hard seeing you again", he whispers with emotion in his voice.

She listens with baited breaths to his words. Her heart races and her eyes water. "It's still **really** hard", he finishes and she has to bite her lip to stop the sob that wants to break through. She nods her head and takes a breath.

"While I'm asleep I have this dream where . . . we're back in that hotel room in LA and you propose to me. Every single time I say yes", she whispers the things she never dared to speak aloud before. He can feel ever nerve in his body come to life. Right now Lindsey is the farthest thing from his mind. He turns his body to face her and he places his hand on her knee.

"Peyt—"

"Which is why I need to leave", she interrupts. "I can't keep having this dream about a married man. It's not fair to you or Lindsey and it's not fair to me. I can't be the giant, purple, elephant in the room every time we're at a get-together. I just, I need to be Peyton and I haven't been her in a while."

"You'll always be Peyton Sawyer to me", he says passionately.

"I need to go out there and figure myself out. I need to find someone who doesn't know my loaded history. I need to give myself a chance at moving on."

Her words hurt, but he knows she doesn't intend them to. He opens his mouth, but she continues speaking;

"You need to give up on the notion that you can save me or that you have to save me. It's only going to cause trouble for you and I don't want that."

"It's not a notion", he argues. "It's the way it is. I can't sit back and watch you hurt", she wants to laugh bitterly because all she's don't for the last couple of weeks – months – years – is hurt. This is just the first time in a while he's seen it up close. She covers his hand with hers and lifts it from her knee. The loss of warmth is like a sad symbol of their relationship.

"You need to let me go."

Those are the last words spoken between the two blondes because Peyton's flight is called and she stands from the chair. She picks up her bags and looks at him one last time. With a ghost of a smile she walks past him and into the crowd of people.

He feels his heart drop and his world empties. Life as he knows it means nothing. She's gone, probably forever and there's nothing he can do about it.

_  
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa  
Try and catch me now  
Oh, it's too late  
To catch me now _

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	2. I Wanna Feel You Breathe Me

**I own nothing, not even "Globes & Maps" by Something Corporate.**

So, I've decided to continue this. I don't really know where it'll go, but I figured what the hell. Wonderful song!

* * *

_Light breaks underneath a heavy door  
And I try to keep myself awake  
Fall all around us on our hotel floor  
And you think that you've made a mistake  
And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge  
And I struggled to get myself up again_

Lucas blinks once, twice, he exhales noisily and blinks a third time. Nothing changes. He lays flat on his back; staring at his ceiling. The days have passed; 183 of them. They've turned into weeks; 24 long ones. And became months; 6 to be exact.

Not like he's counting or anything.

He hears the door open and he snaps his eyes shut; hoping she didn't see him. When the bed dips down and her hand caresses his face he knows he's pulled it off yet again. He does his best to get sleep, but it's hard. He's always got something on his mind and it just causes _so_ much anxiety that his heart races and his head pounds at night. That's usually when it's the worst.

She softly calls his name and he groans before rolling his head from side to side. He can hear her laugh and he cracks open an eye. Blue meets Blue.

"Morning sleepyhead", she mutters as she leans down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around her and prolongs the kiss, waiting – in vain – for it to feel normal. For the past six months he's felt like Lindsey was a visitor in his house. Sure, they ate together and showered together and slept together, but none of it felt ordinary. It felt like he was playing a part in a movie. The biggest movie ever.

His life.

"Five more minutes?" he requests with a pout. He doesn't know why he even bothers to ask for more time, it's not like he'll actually sleep. She shakes her head and taps his upturned nose.

"Nope, you've got to finish packing", she smiles and he smirks while nodding his head.

"I'm a guy. I can pack in five minutes", he argues as he pulls her down and onto her side of the bed. She giggles and nestles into his arms. He hears her sigh contently and his heart breaks a little.

She's a wonderful person and an amazing woman. She doesn't deserve to be silently critiqued or compared to a woman that doesn't even live in this town anymore, but he can't stop himself. Whenever she does something he always finds himself thinking of the different way _she_ would have done it.

"Come on! It's the first day of your book tour", she says with excitement and he can't help but to smile back. He's proud that she's so proud of him.

His book was published and received rave reviews. Critics had practically swooned over it;

"_Moody and evocative, Scott's prose sings and his sentiment overwhelms in _**The Comet**_. Rich with metaphor and infused with the sort of emotional slow-burn one would expect from a heavenly body, fans of Scott's first novel would need the prescience of Tiresian to see the change of pace coming." – Alan Harwood, author of "In Praise of Older Women"_

"_Lucas Scott reaches for the stars and ends up capturing _**THE COMET**_ in his in his meditative follow-up to An Unkindness of Ravens." – Ian Powers, author of "Lucky Bastard"_

"_A stalwart second effort, _**The Comet**_ proves that Lucas Scott is a young literary talent that will be with us for some time." – Daniel Michaels author of, "A Billion Miles Away"_

"**The Comet**_ takes off on the first page and hurtles across the reader's imagination; leaving a starburst that lingers long after the final word." – Bobby __Dupra__, author of "A Prayer for My Father"_

And then there was his favorite one; _"Lucas Scott's sophomore effort is a moving portrait of lost love. It will turn even the most cynical reader into a hopeless romantic." – Terrance Cole, author of "Anything For a Buck"_

After Lindsey read him that one he sent Terrance the biggest muffin basket he could. It may have seen foolish, but the man sent him a thank you note, apparently muffins were a favorite of his and hoped to see more from Lucas in the future. Too bad the blonde hasn't written a thing since . . . the publishing of **The Comet**.

"Ahh the tour", he murmurs with a wistful look. Lindsey rolls her eyes pushes away from him to move from the bed. He faces the ceiling once more and purses his lips. He rests his weight on his elbows and looks at his wife. "I wish you were coming", he says softly and he means it. He may be an asshole, but he does actually love her.

"I know", she sighs, "but I have a few other things I need to edit and I won't be able to do any of that if I go with you this week", she says suggestively and he grins. He lies back down, its times like these when it's easy to pretend that Lindsey's the only woman he's ever loved; the only one that's ever held his heart.

"So, what city am I hitting up first?" he asks in interest. It's always some desolate, small city. For the first book it was Omaha. It helps to generate a buzz before getting to the big cities. For now he's thinking Seattle, maybe even Omaha again, so he's completely stunned when Lindsey takes a breath and says;

"Los Angeles."

_I wanna hang onto something  
That won't break away or fall apart  
Like the pieces of my heart_

She sighs as she hits the play button one last time. She's worked through most of the c.d.'s on her desk, but there's still a handful left. She's been out in LA for just about 6 months now and Red Bedroom Records has turned into something she never expected.

Along with Mia, she's signed four artists and has two more in negotiations. Then, there are the endless demos that flood her mailbox. She smiles as she bobs her head to the beat of the song that fills her ears. She writes their name down and underlines it twice; she'll be calling them tomorrow.

She takes off her headphones and leans back in her chair. It's late she muses as she stares at the darkened city before her. She stands and grabs her purse before turning the lights out in her office. Her heels click against the hardwood floor and stop when she reaches the desk outside.

"Chelsea, go home", she admonishes with a smile. Her secretary is a bright eyed teenager that didn't feel college was for her. She's smart and intuitive and Peyton feels completely comfortable around her.

"I will", she promises. She tucks a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear and smiles before speaking again, "I just wanna finish this chapter", and she mumbles from behind the book Peyton hadn't noticed until she mentioned it. She puts down her purse and sits on the edge of her desk.

"What is it?" she asks as she leans the book forward; trying to get a better view. When she does her heart stops beating.

"The Comet", Chelsea says with a dreamy smile. "My friends have been talking about it nonstop and I totally see why. It's an epic love story", she breathes out. Peyton shakes her head and stands on her feet once more.

"It's about a scientist and a comet", she clarifies. It's something she's told herself for months. She grabs her purse and starts to walk away when Chelsea's voice stops her;

"It was more then just a comet because of what it brought to his life; direction, beauty, meaning. There were many who didn't understand and sometimes he walked among them, but even in his darkest hours he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him and his world would be whole again and his belief –"

"In God, and love, and art would be reawakened in his heart", Peyton finds herself whispering. Chelsea smiles.

"You've read it!" she gasps. She's been working for Peyton since day one and never has she seen her get emotional or 'girly'. Peyton faces her once more and lets a ghost of a smile form.

"Yeah I have", she admits. Of course she has she wants to say, but the nineteen year old doesn't know her back story. She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh.

The young girl raises her brows. She's never seen Peyton look so fragile before and doesn't understand why this book would do that. "I don't believe you", she challenges. "Everybody knows that part, it's like _the_ most famous quote", she smirks. "What's the dedication?"

Peyton laughs. She's read the book so many damn times she could easily tell Chelsea what page that famous quote was on, what paragraph, the amount of lines. The dedication is a piece of cake. "To all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love", her voice breaks off and she clears her throat quickly.

The redhead raises a brow and quickly turns to one of the first pages. Sure enough, there's the words Peyton's just spoken verbatim. She lets out a breath and looks back to her boss. "Wow", she whispers. "Okay", she says with a smile that quickly turns into another smirk, "but you could just be one of those freaky people who read the dedications . . . what about –"

"The editors office is Putnam and Pratt", she says with a stab to her heart. "They're the same people he's used since his first book", her secretaries face is one of shock and Peyton can feel the tears rising for no real reason.

"Peyton, what is –?"

"I'll see you tomorrow, get home safe", Peyton says as she heads for the elevator. Once inside she lets the tears fall silently. She hasn't cried in a while, weeks actually and she hates that she's doing it now. She also hates that just when she thinks she's past something, Lucas Scott pops into her life and changes it all; sets it all back a step. This was the one place she felt safe from him, from their history, but he seems to prove her wrong time and time again. The doors open and she walks to her car; her pocket vibrates and she curses as she reaches and turns off the alarm.

She's late for her webcam session with the Scott's.

_And globes and maps are all around me now  
I wanna feel you breathe me  
Globes and maps I see surround you here  
Why won't you believe me?  
Globes and maps they charter your way back home  
Do you wanna leave or somethin?_

He must be a masochist he thinks as he walks the hall of the Beverly Hilton. He stops in front of room number 425 and takes a deep breath. Lucas pats his pockets and finds the plastic card he had been looking for. He slides it into the slot and the light changes from red to green; the small beep signaling the room was ready to open. He pushes it gently and stands in the doorway as it swings open. He can feel his throat tighten.

The first thing he sees is the leather chair in the corner. He doesn't know how many people have sat in it in the years that followed, but he remembers one person who sat their as he pledged his love to them. His speech about dreams and her and only needing her in his life. Had he been lying then? When he said that none of his great days mattered? Was everything in his life less significant because she wasn't beside him?

He shakes his head so that a real answer can't form and steps into the room. He places his suitcase at the corner of the wall and takes notice of the picture hanging. That same sky seems to float above the chair he sat in as he watched Peyton sleep and he shakes his head. A feeling of nausea hits and he has to sit. He walks to the foot of the bed and plops down.

That's when the memories really take over.

"_You're saying no", he breathed out._

"_No", she said adamantly as she shook her head. "I – I am not saying no. I'm saying not now._ _I want to marry you, someday." She latched on to his forearm and he tried to shake her off. Her face fell even more and her voice rose. "Hey, don't –don't do that; don't pull away from me okay,_ _I want us to be together. I love you so much."_

"_Just not enough", he said bitterly as he finally looked at her. Her breath caught and she could feel the vomit rise._

"_Look, can we take this back? Can we just pretend like you never woke up, __**please**__?" she begged him with watery eyes._

"_I don't think we can", he said sadly._

"_I'm afraid that this conversation is gonna end with –"_

"_Goodbye", he finished._

He lies back on the bed and looks up at the ceiling he memorized that night all those years ago. There's still a crack that stretches from one end to the other and that stain hasn't been painted over. He loosens his tie as the room starts to spin.

He can feel her in his arms. He can feel her silent tears hitting his shirt. He can feel his heart twist and burst and crumble. He can feel it all like it happened yesterday.

"_Luke don't", she barely whispered. "Come here", she said as she pushed on his chest to make them both lay down. She rested her head over his heart and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed it tightly._

"_Our dreams are gonna come true, Lucas. My music and your novel", she tugged on his tie. "It's gonna happen."_

_All he could do was rub his fingers against the velvet of the ring box she never opened._

His eyes burn and as he closes them a few tears trail down his cheeks. Here he was, nearly five years after that night and their dreams had come true. Her music and his novel. So why weren't they together? He sits back up and stares at the lone leather chair once more and he thinks back to one of the last things she ever said to him;

"_While I'm asleep I have this dream where . . . we're back in that hotel room in LA and you propose to me. Every single time I say yes."_

It was just a dream he told himself, still tells himself. It was only a dream. But it was hers. That was her dream and it would never come true. It could never come true. His pocket vibrates and he pulls it out. **Lindsey** flashes across the screen and he closes his eyes once more. He hits the talk button and says a lie he's told her before;

"I miss you."

_And dreams came around you in a hazy rain  
You opened your mouth wide to feel them fall  
And I write a letter, from a one-way train  
But I don't think you'll read it at all_

It hadn't taken him long to find the address. There was only one Peyton Sawyer and one Red Bedroom Records. He stands outside the building, unsure of what to do. He clutches the phone book in his hands. In hindsight, writing on a piece of paper would have been a better idea, but he was too worked up to put the book back down.

He opens the heavy door and steps inside. The walls are littered with band posters and album covers. They're painted a deep red and it makes him smile. It's just like the one in Tree Hill. He presses the button for the elevator and once the doors open he steps in.

It's far too short a ride because when the doors open he stands there in a daze. What the hell is he supposed to say? He shakes his head and steps onto the hardwood floor. He closes the yellow book and searches for somewhere to put it, thankfully there's a small waiting room and he leaves it on the coffee table.

He walks further into the loft and notices the young woman at a wooden desk. She's twirling a strand of hair around her finger and she's engrossed in a book. She doesn't acknowledge him as he stands before her so he looks around and tries to spot Peyton. His blue eyes land on the closed door and he knows she's just behind it. He lets out a noise and Chelsea raises her head.

"Oh my God", she whispers with a smile. "You're Lucas Scott", she says the obvious. He's still staring at the door that has _Peyton Sawyer_ painted on it. "Can I have your autograph?" she asks as she turns to the first blank page of his book and this rips him from his daze.

He's momentarily forgotten that he's Lucas Scott, the author.

He feels like Lucas Scott, the teenage boy.

"Sure", he smiles that smile; the one all women love and picks a pen up from her desk. One Chelsea will never let anyone touch, ever again. He writes her name and a quick note before signing his name.

From inside her office Peyton writes a short note; letter really. She knows Brooke did this years ago, but this is different. She's not writing Lucas everyday of the week. She only writes when he pops into her mind. Like when she hears a song on the radio or when someone else mentions him; which is what happened yesterday. Considering it's been 185 days and she only has 173 notes she feels accomplished. It's a form of therapy really. It's like she still gets to tell him about her day even though he can't respond.

She can hear Chelsea become a total fan girl outside and rolls her eyes. Maybe Fall Out Boy is finally in town and decided to stop by. Not a second later the intercom sounds and Chelsea's voice fills her room.

"Peyton, someone's here to see you", she says with a girly giggle in her throat. Peyton chuckles, if only there was someone to make her do that. Her finger presses the talk button;

"Send them in, Chels", she takes her finger off the button and returns to her original task. She just signing with all her love and folding it up when the door opens. Peyton pulls the bottom drawer open and fingers across the top of each white envelope before placing it in the right spot. She lifts her head and pushes her bangs from her eyes.

"Hi, sorry", she starts as she looks over to the now closed door. Her sentence stops and she can only stare.

She blinks once, twice, takes a deep breath and she blinks a third time. Nothing changes. He's still there, in her doorway. She's thought about something like this happening for the past 6 months, but never in a million years did she think he'd come. He's in a suit and his tie is barely done right, his face is flushed, and his hair is buzzed short. She can only stare.

"Hey", he breathes out. Her hairs straight and her lips are pouty and all he wants to do is pull her into his arms. She stands and he can feel himself tense. He doesn't know if she's gonna slap him or hug him.

"What are you doing here?" she asks with a small smile on her lips. It never fails; regardless of how they leave things he'll always search her out and she'll always be excited to see him. She's approaching him with her arms out; clearly going in for a hug.

He grins and opens his arms slightly. "Book signing", he says simply and she instantly stops. Lindsey flashes into her mind and she suddenly doesn't understand why he's here. He's married; he should be walking the city with his wife on his arm.

His face falls as she hugs her arms around her body. He curses himself for mentioning something Lindsey related. He was so close, so, so close to having her in his arms and he can practically feel her pressed against him. He lets out a loud breath and runs his hand over his short hair; his wedding band glints and Peyton has to look away.

"Where's Lindsey?" she asks as she sits back down. He pushes his legs forward and sits in the chair across from her. This feels too weird. Like it's forced or fake or like they hardly know each other. But, maybe they don't anymore. That thought breaks his heart.

"Home", he says easily. "She has some other authors, a lot of stuff to edit", his sentence isn't complete and he knows it should be; he's a freaking author. She nods and swallows; he watches her throat move with the actions.

"This is the first stop?" she asks suddenly and he tears his gaze away from her neck. "That never happens", she voices his thoughts from days ago. He nods.

"I know, I don't get it either, but I have to go along with what they tell me", he laughs and wants to smack himself. That wasn't even funny. He clears his throat and leans back against the plush chair he's in. "This is a pretty nice setup you've got here", he says with a smirk.

She bows her head in hopes of hiding the blush that rises to her cheeks. He's always been able to do that. "Thanks", she whispers. "It's been great being here."

"Has it?" he asks with a double meaning. She stares at him, her eyes saying everything she can't utter and he has to look away.

"It hasn't always been easy", she whispers, "but it was necessary", she says pointedly. She looks at the clock behind him and scoffs. Ten minutes and they've already opened Pandora's Box.

"You didn't have to leave", he argues angrily. She shakes her head and wants to strangle him.

"So I could have stayed in Tree Hill and watched you walk around town with your wife? Walk all over the places _we_ have memories in with someone that you'll make knew memories with? No way", she says as she stands from her chair.

He stands too and takes an angry stance. "I would never – I _will_ never forget about _us_", he says as he points at her. She has to gasp for air to fill her lungs at his words.

"I thought I told you to let me go", she whispers with a sad smile. He laughs, but it's humorless and shakes his head.

"That's like asking me to cut off a limb", she closes her eyes and he places his hands on his hips. He hadn't come here with the intentions of rehashing the past or proclaiming that on some level he still loves her, but that's what happens with them.

"You should probably go now", she whispers with her eyes still shut; she's willing her tears away. He takes a step forward and she walks around the other side of her desk. He follows after her and she knows he's about to protest. "I have an act coming in", she places her hands on the metal doorknob.

"Peyton, this isn't how I wanted this to be", he whispers sadly.

She nods and turns to face him. She smiles in spite of how she feels and brings her hands up to his undone tie. He closes his eyes. Her lavender and vanilla scent hits his nose and fills his body. Unconsciously he places both his hands at the small of her back and pulls her a little closer. This feels ordinary. He feels completely normal in doing this.

It's the first time he really let's himself acknowledge that he may have made a mistake.

She finishes his tie and steps back, although she doesn't get very far because he's hands are still on her back. Her hands reach for his and she holds them between their bodies. He opens his eyes and swallows back the burn in his throat. She rubs her thumb across his skin.

"Things don't always turn out the way you thought they would", she whispers back with tears in her eyes.

He hangs his head and she lets go of his hands. She turns to the door once more and opens it slowly. "Goodbye, Luke", she whispers with a strained voice. He looks at her; blue meeting green eyes and wants to say so much, needs to say so much. But, he doesn't. He's clearly caused her enough pain.

She watches him leave and closes the door behind him. She places her hand on the doorframe and rests her forehead against the frosted glass. He watches from the other side as she retreats back to her desk.

"Hey", Chelsea calls out to him. He looks over at her and takes note of her confused face. "What's with the dramatics?" she asks. He chuckles. Something about this girl reminds him of the Brooke Davis he knew years ago.

"It's a long story", he says while turning to walk away. She makes a face. Something about this man seems well intended and her boss could certainly use a well intending man. She glances back at the door and quickly rips a post-it from her stack. She scribbles down something and prays she doesn't get fired.

"Here", she calls out before he can reach the elevator. He stops and faces her. His features change into one of confusion at the small white paper in her hands. "Just take it", she says while she shrugs. "Don't tell her where you got it from though", she threatens seriously. He chuckles and takes the paper.

"Thank", he says sincerely as he starts to back away.

"Don't make me regret it", she warns protectively.

And he hopes he doesn't.

_And globes and maps are all around me now  
I wanna feel you breathe me  
Globes and maps I see surround you here  
Why won't you believe me?  
Globes and maps they charter your way back home  
Do you wanna leave or somethin?_

The second she sits down she's dialing a number she knows by heart.

"_P. Sawyer!" _the raspy voice cheers._ "Right on time"_, she says as she glances at the clock in her kitchen. It's their scheduled time to talk; of course they talk about seven times a day, but this is the time they always take to sit and talk, no matter what. She hears the ragged breaths of her best friend and sits a little straighter. _"What's wrong?" _she asks in concern.

"He's here", Peyton blurts out. She clenches her hands into fists before placing them on either side of her head.

She can picture Brooke's kinked eyebrow. _"Who's where?"_

"Lucas", she says with a dry throat. "He's here, in LA."

It's silent for a long time. The only noise Peyton can hear is the ticking of the clock in her room. She knows what Brooke must be thinking because she thought all the same things.

"_Why? I mean why is he in L.A.?"_ before the blonde can answer Brooke has the revelation._ "He started his book tour, but they wouldn't make LA the first stop. They need a smaller market; small towns generate bigger buzzes for the larger cities"_, she speaks from her own personal experiences when she was opening her Clothes over Bros boutiques.

"I know that, B", Peyton says with a laugh.

"_Wow"_, Brooke sighs out and then after a moment. "_Wait, he was in the studio? In your office?"_ the brunette can't help but to be jealous. She hasn't been able to make it out to LA yet and Lucas Scott just waltzes in whenever he has the opportunity.

"Yeah", Peyton responds, still in a mild shock.

"_How the Hell did he know where to find you?"_ Brooke asks in awe. Peyton shrugs even though Brooke can't see it.

"I guess he looked me up. The yellow pages are a wonderful source of information", she says dryly.

"_That's an awful lot of work just to see you"_, Brooke says suggestively. Peyton rolls her eyes. _"Don't roll your eyes! I'm simply saying –"_

"Well don't **say**", Peyton cuts her off. Brooke sighs.

"_Okay, I'm sorry"_, she whispers. _"If you don't like to talk about him why'd you let him in your office?"_

"I didn't – I was sitting at my desk and Chelsea told me someone was here. I thought it was Chris."

"_Why would she let him in?"_ Brooke asks in confusion. As if on cue the redhead enters the office and plops down into the chair Lucas had occupied.

"Talking about me? Hey Brooke!" she yells into the speaker phone.

"_Hi secretary girl"_, she rasps. She likes the teenager; she sees a lot of herself in her, aside from her creepy taste in music. That's all Peyton.

"We were just talking about Lucas", the blonde says softly. Chelsea raises her brows. "Chels, why would you let him in?"

She shrugs. "I figured maybe his book turned into a movie and he wanted to discuss a soundtrack", she says innocently. Both Peyton and Brooke scoff.

"I don't even do that kind of stuff!"

"Fine", she says as she throws her hands up "He's hot, you're single. The only thing remotely close to a boy you hang out with is Chris and I've never heard you guys getting hot and heavy in here –"

"_Gross"_, Brooke interjects. Peyton smirks.

"Says the only girl in this conversation who's slept with him", she mumbles.

"_I was drunk"_, she argues back playfully. Chelsea rolls her eyes at the banter.

"Anyway . . . I figured maybe you'd both hit it off. Roll around on the desk, records some moans. It seemed like a good idea at the time", she says truthfully. Peyton lets out a breath and Brooke beats her to the punch.

"_You didn't read his first book?"_ She questions. Chelsea shakes her head.

"I saw it in the bookstore, but why the hell would I wanna read about a bunch of birds?" Peyton furrows her brows. "It's called **An Unkindness of Ravens**."

"_And on that note I'm hanging up"_, Brooke says with a laugh. _"Call me later P."_

The line goes dead and Peyton's still laughing. She wipes at the tear that gathered in the corner of her eye and looks at her young secretary. "His high school basketball team was named The Ravens", she says easily.

Chelsea nods and makes a mental note to Google the book. "I'm going to assume that's in the book because otherwise you look like a crazed stalker", she says with a laugh. "But, back to my reasoning. He's hot, you're hot. Why not give it a go?" she wiggles her eyebrows.

"You are too much like Brooke", Peyton mutters. "I love you for caring, but leave it be."

"Oh come on –"

"He's married", she growls out and Chelsea blinks before quickly recovering. She's never seen Peyton so riled up. Instantly, she knows there's a lot more to this whole thing then she's willing to share.

"That's weird", she mumbles and Peyton raises a brow. "Well, it never said he was married in his book. Most authors dedicate their work to the people that inspire them; the people they love."

Peyton takes a deep, calming breath and shakes her head. "Go home, Chelsea. You shouldn't be here so late all the time. Live your life", the younger of the two knows there's no point in arguing. She stands and smiles softly at the woman she admires. She's strong and noble and kind. But she's also lonely, that's an obvious point.

"You should take your own advice", she whispers as she closes the door behind her.

_And I can't take this anymore  
Well I know that I can't take this anymore  
I can't take this anymore  
Cuz I know someday I'll see you walk out that door_

He can't believe he's here, doing this. He surely has a death wish. He checks the small piece of paper one last time even though he knows he has the right address. It's odd, he thinks, that in a city like Los Angeles she has a house. Most live in an apartment or a condo, but she's always been one to stray from the norm.

He stands outside of her brownstone. It's beautiful. Flowers litter the boxes on the windowsill and he knows that's her favorite part of living here. Peyton may not be the greatest cook, but gardening was her favorite thing to do. It was something she did with Anna when she was younger. He clears his throat and walks up the cement stairs.

He cannot believe he's doing this. He raises his hand and his knuckles rap against the wooden door twice. There's a moment of nothing and then he hears the gentle padding of her footsteps.

She opens the door and he almost wishes he had a camera to capture the look of shock in her face. She wraps her arms around her waist in an attempt to cover herself. She's in a tank top and shorts. In all honesty she was expecting the hot delivery guy she flirts with occasionally.

This definitely trumps a free order of garlic knots.

"Lucas", she says in shock. "What're you – how did –?" she stops herself when she notices the bubbly handwriting on the paper in his hand. He notices this too and shoves it into his pocket.

"Don't be mad at her", he says when he watches her face change. "She didn't know what she was stepping into", he laughs out of nerves. "I guess she never read my first book."

"No, she didn't", Peyton says matter-of-factly. "She thought it was about a bunch of birds", she adds in an attempt to be vindictive, but when a smirk graces his face she can only smile back.

He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand and she sighs. "What are you doing here?"

He meets her eyes and opens his mouth, but he doesn't have an answer. He just wanted to see her. Thinking about that now makes him seem like a tool. He's married; he shouldn't want to see his ex-girlfriend. She takes a step back into her foyer and he takes one forward on impulse.

"I just, I – yesterday I never", he shuts his mouth and takes a step forward, closing the gap between them.

He takes her into his arms and holds on to her as if she's about to disappear. She hugs back just as fiercely. She had wanted to be in his arms so badly yesterday, but the mention of Lindsey stopped her. She wonders why it isn't stopping him. They stand like that, wrapped in each others arms, for minutes. He cups the back of her neck with his hand and she smiles into his shoulder.

Classic Lucas Scott hug.

He squeezes her tightly against him and breathes out in accomplishment. He wouldn't have been able to leave if he didn't get this. Didn't get her in his arms. She finally loosens her grip and he reluctantly does the same. A blush fills her cheeks and she walks further into the house so that he can't see it.

"How come you're still in town?" she asks from her kitchen. He stands on the opposite end of the island and shrugs.

"The response here was so great that they made it a two day event", she nods and they stand in silence for a minute.

"Where you going next?" she asks out of interest.

"The biggest city of all", he smiles. "New York."

She grins at his accomplishment and shakes her head. "What?" he asks in regards to her change in demeanor.

"I guess I just don't get why you're here", she says what's been on her mind since yesterday. "Why did you show up at Red Bedroom and why are you in my house?" her voice raises with every syllable that leaves her mouth and he flinches.

"I wanted to see an old friend", he says quietly and she feels like she's been punched in the gut; she literally steps back.

"An old friend? Lucas, you make me sound like a girl who sat behind you in English for 4 years. That's not who I am and it's someone I can never be."

"Peyton, I just –"

"No, Lucas, there's no talking yourself out of this one. I want you go", her voice is strong and it surprises her, but she knows she's right. This is wrong, all of it is wrong.

"I miss you", he utters and it's the most truthful thing to leave his mouth in a while. "I know I shouldn't, but I do and I don't know how to stop", he hangs his head.

"Lucas", she whispers with wide eyes.

"I can't help it", he begins his downfall. "I go to sleep wondering if you're sleeping yet. I wake up and think about what you're doing. When I run, I, sometimes I imagine that I'm running to you, to find you, to get to you. I can't make it go away."

"You can't be saying this", she mumbles as she walks out of the kitchen. He follows after her. "You can't come to LA after six months of silence and say these things!"

"You were the one who never made an effort to call."

"Neither did you! I know Haley wanted to tell you my phone number in hopes that you would come to your senses and at least _apologize_, I'm sure she did because she's Haley and you never called Lucas, not once! You don't get to say you miss me when you clearly don't mean it."

"I haven't written a thing. Not a single sentence since you've left. When you were back in Tree Hill I wrote a whole book! There's so much pressure from the company, **The Comet** has a huge following and critics love it, Peyton. They love the love story I didn't even know I was writing!"

"I'm sorry that your inspiration's been lacking", she says sarcastically, but fights the sob in her throat. She doesn't know if he realizes his slip up, but she sure did. _The love story he didn't even know he was writing._

"Peyt, that's not it", he whispers with a hoarse voice. "God! I don't even know what I'm trying to say . . . Terrance Cole, he's an author who umm, he read and reviewed the book. He said that –"

"Lucas Scott's sophomore effort is a moving portrait of lost love. It will turn even the most cynical reader into a hopeless romantic", Peyton reiterates the passage from the back cover. He smiles and nods.

"Yeah."

"Luke, I don't get the point of this", she says honestly. "This is too weird and too late and you need to leave", she says with finality as she pulls her front door open.

"Peyton, I just –" he swallows hard to push past the lump in his throat and before she can react he cups her face and swoops his lips down onto hers. It's passionate and personal and everything that every great reunion should be. But this isn't a reunion.

Her brain snaps back into focus and she pushes him away. She then raises her hand and swipes it across his cheek. The sound is deafening. "How dare you!" she says venomously.

"You kissed back!" he retaliates. He doesn't know why he's so angry. He's married, he shouldn't be doing this. He should be thanking her for pulling away instead of leading him to the bedroom.

"And I always will! But that doesn't mean I should", she whispers the last part and his heart clenches when he sees her eyes fill with tears. She pushes on his shoulder and he stumbles out her front door.

"Peyton, I'm –"

"There's nothing here for you. Go home to your wife", she says as she closes the door in his face.

_And globes and maps are all around me now  
I wanna feel you breathe me  
Globes and maps I see surround you here  
Why won't you believe me?  
Globes and maps they chart your way back home  
So Do you wanna leave? Do you wanna leave?  
Globes and maps they chart your way back home  
Do you wanna leave or somethin?_

* * *

Let me know what you think!

I know, depressing, sorry. You may have questions and I will answer them in time. Also, another time jump next chapter, not too big, about a year lol.


	3. Grey Sky Morning

**I don't own it, nor do I own "Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)" by Vertical Horizon.**

The response to this has completely blown my mind. You all are amazing and I wouldn't be able to keep writing without you!

Remember, there's been a one year time jump – one year since Lucas went and saw Peyton.

* * *

_So you sailed away  
Into a grey sky morning  
Now I'm here to stay  
Love can be so boring_

She walks off the elevator and tosses her hair over her shoulder. Her heels clack against the wooden floor and it causes Chelsea's head to snap up. They both smile and Peyton stops to take a seat on her desk.

"What's going on?" she asks the same thing she asks every morning. The girl shrugs and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. Peyton eyes her warily and raises a brow. They've worked together for the past year and a half. They know almost everything about each other. Chelsea is clearly hiding something.

"Umm, not much", she says simply. "A few messages came in already", she hands Peyton a few post-its. "And some mail got sent here", she mutters. Peyton takes the envelopes and casually flips through them. Bill, junk mail, another bill, and then as she comes to the last one Chelsea speaks again; "One of them is from Tree Hill", she whispers.

She tenses and they both lock eyes. Chelsea knows the pain her boss is in right now.

_The teenager sat at her desk and bit her nails nervously. It was ten after ten and Peyton still wasn't in. That could not be good. She picked up the phone, ready to call her boss and make sure she was still alive when she heard a noise coming from ahead and strained her eyes to see._

_Sure enough, it was Peyton and she looked like she'd been through a war. Her hair was a curly mess, she was dressed down in faded jeans and a Rolling Stones t-shirt and she was sporting a pair of worn in Converse._

"_Peyton", she said instantly she stood from her seat with a coffee and chocolate chip muffin in her hands. _

"_Morning Chelsea", she said tiredly. The redhead bit her lip. She held her arms out and smiled gently._

"_Peace offering?" When Peyton chuckled Chelsea felt a weight lifted from her shoulders._

"_Wait a couple years and buy me a drink", she teased as she took the items. Chelsea grinned._

"_So, I'm not fired?" Peyton shook her head and sighed. She took a seat at the edge of the desk and cleared her throat._

"_No, you didn't know and you were only trying to help, I guess", she said with a laugh. "But, from now on, maybe you should do a little more research when you're trying to set me up with someone", they both laughed and Chelsea sat down in her chair._

"_I umm, I read his first book", Peyton looked at her and Chelsea continued. "I completely understand if you hate me for a while, I'd hate me too." _

_She had gone home that night, after stopping at the local bookstore and Goggled Lucas Scott before even opening his first novel. Her heart broke for the boy she didn't even know. The tragedies he faced were things someone should never have to live through. When she finished the 365 page novel she had tears in her eyes and more streaming down her face._

"_I don't hate you", Peyton said honestly. "If anything I hate him."_

"_I'm guessing he stopped by", she said meekly. Peyton laughed and nodded her head._

"_Oh yeah", she cleared her throat and did her best to put last night behind her. "Listen, how about, for the sake of my sanity, we keep all talks of Lucas Scott and Tree Hill out of the office."_

"_No problem", Chelsea said as she placed her hands on her desk. Peyton smiled and picked up her coffee and her muffin and stood from the desk. She opened her office door when Chelsea's voice stopped her._

"_Peyton", she called out softly. "For what it's worth . . . it's a really great love story."_

_She smiled at Chelsea and nodded her head. Something Lucas told her months ago filled her mind and she said, "It took place a long time ago, Chels."_

"Hold my calls for a while", Peyton says as she stands and heads straight into her office. She sits down and rips open the small, white envelope. It's a single piece of paper that's folded into thirds.

She unfolds them gently, almost afraid it'll rip apart and she instantly knows the handwriting. Her eyes trace over the elegant script and the words fill her mind. This is something she was hoping to avoid. Something she never wanted to have to do. She was going back to Tree Hill. As that realization sets in she slumps her shoulders and can feel her eyes water. She wouldn't do this for anyone else or anything else, but she owes it to this woman. She looks at the small white card it came with and checks off the box. She'll be in attendance.

"Chris she doesn't want –" the door opens and the spiky haired man walks in followed by her trusty assistant. "Sorry", she says apologetically. Peyton waves her off and Chelsea nods before closing the door behind her.

"Goldilocks!" he says while he plops down in the chair across from her. "What's got you on lockdown in here?" he asks as he leans forward.

"Morning to you too, Keller", she mutters as she runs a hand through her hair.

Chris Keller came into Red Bedroom Records exactly 18 months ago. Peyton was literally in the middle of unpacking when he walked into the loft, cowboy boots and all. She can vividly remember shaking her head and telling him to get the hell out, but something in his voice made her soften and his eyes held a certain compassion that she hadn't ever seen in them.

"I'm sorry, darling. How are you this fine morning?" he asks while crossing a leg over his other one; his ankle resting on his knee. She used to find that gesture annoying, but it somehow suits him. She smiles in spite of things and he smiles back.

A year and a half after walking in he's put out an album and they've both established a strong friendship. Best friends almost, but she'll never tell Nathan or Brooke that.

"I umm, I got a letter", she starts off quietly. Chris nods.

"Yeah, Red was blabbing about it", he says in reference to Chelsea.

"Can you ever call people by their real names?" Peyton questions. Chris scoffs.

"Please, I'm sure you have a few nicknames for me", he says suggestively. Peyton smirks and leans forward; her elbows on her desk.

"Sure I do. Obnoxious, condescending, jackass", Chris laughs.

"Alright, seriously though, what's going on?" this is the caring side of Chris that she never thought she'd see, not in this lifetime anyway. He really has grown.

"This is what's going on", she says as she holds up the white paper. "It's a letter, from Tree Hill", at the last two words Chris's entire facial expression changes.

"Jeez Peyton", he whispers. He pulls his chair closer to her desk.

"Yeah, this sucks", she says more to herself, but Chris makes a concerned face. "I've done my best to put that place behind me. I guess the past really can't stay buried for long."

She places it on her desk and his blue eyes quickly scan the handwriting. He shakes his head. "I wish there was something I could do", he says honestly. He knows how hard the past months have been on her and he really would do anything to ease that. Peyton furrows her brows before looking him in the eyes.

"You know", she begins. "It says Peyton Sawyer and Guest", she smiles while holding up the card. He smirks a smirk that used to come off as creepy, but now it's near endearing. Without speaking he reaches for the card and checks the box required. It's official.

They'll both be going to Karen's wedding.

_Nothing's quite the same now  
I just say your name now_

He sits at the computer and stares at the flashing cursor. It's been like this for a while. He'll think of things and write them down, but eventually they meet their fate with the delete button.

Lindsey walks into the room and sighs at the sight in front of her. It's been months, since he's put out a decent chapter and her bosses are getting aggravated; quite frankly so is she.

"Still no luck?" she asks as she wraps her arms around his shoulders. He sighs and leans back. He's got ideas; he just can't put them onto paper. It would only cause trouble. Lindsey looks at the two books beside him and frowns.

"You know, if you need inspiration you could always think about the comet and how badly you wanna touch it, but you can't", she snaps before pulling her arms off of him and walking to the door.

"Are we really doing this again?" he asks in frustration.

The past year hasn't been easy, but he didn't expect it to be. He just never thought it would be this hard. The main source of their arguments has been his second book. It started a few months ago, during the interview stage of his tours. The main question people would ask was if this had anything to do with Peyton Sawyer, if she was somehow the comet the boy longed for. He would shake his head and smile politely before stating that it was simply a story about a boy and a ball of gas.

He stands and follows her as she walks into the kitchen. "Can you blame me, Lucas?" she asks. "For months, I've listened to people talk about how your second book is related to your first one. That the comet is Peyton and you're the scientist and you're still waiting for her to come back."

"Lindsey, it's about a scientist and a comet. There's nothing more to it. No hidden meanings", he says as he leans against the doorway. She takes a seat at the kitchen table and stares at her wedding rings. She knows it isn't fair, but she's had something in the back of her mind for years.

She lifts her head and opens her mouth; "Peyton drives a Comet." Lucas tenses for all of a second, but she notices. He swallows hard and can feel his anger boil over. It's not anger at her though; it's anger at him-self.

"Jesus Linds, if I had named the comet Halley's, would we still be having this conversation?" he asks angrily. Lindsey shakes her head and calmly stands from the table.

"No, because you were never in love with Haley. You didn't write an entire book – two apparently – about your love for her."

"Brooke was in half the first one. How come you're not assuming it's about her?" Lindsey shoots him a look and he instantly closes his mouth. Her eyes say everything she doesn't dare to speak. _It could never compare._

"People talk, Luke", she whispers and he's instantly brought back to a night so long ago. When he was sitting at a bar with a girl he told the entire world he was destined to be with. He couldn't disagree with her, people certainly had talked. They still did.

Lucas sighs as he hears her voice shake. "Lindsey, if I wanted to be with Peyton, I wouldn't have married you", he walks over to her and wraps his arms around her shoulders. She sighs tiredly. She's tired of this all. This fight, this feeling, this marriage. But she loves him and she isn't ready to let go.

"I'm sorry", she whispers into his chest. He squeezes her; she shouldn't be apologizing. He should. He married someone he wasn't completely in love with. He married someone when someone else was on his mind. He married Lindsey in hopes of forgetting Peyton.

He quickly learned that wasn't possible.

"Don't be. I know you're under a lot of stress because I can't get anything written", that's kind of a lie. He has some stuff written, but it's in a random folder that he knows she'll never check. If she thinks **The Comet** is bad there's no way he wants her to read this stuff.

"Speaking of, I have to head into New York later", she says as she pulls away and walks to the sink. Lucas frowns.

"Lindsey, we're supposed to be at my moms later to discuss the wedding week", he says with a different tone then one he's used before. His mother's getting married. To someone who isn't Keith. That's been the hardest revelation in recent weeks.

"Yeah, well, it's my job, Luke. It's not my fault we live here and I work in New York", she says pointedly.

"Okay, we are definitely not doing **this** again", he says as he turns and walks into their room.

The other fight amongst the Scotts was their location. Lindsey was constantly going back and forth and he understood that it was stressful on her, but he figured she would have gotten the hint by now.

"Luke, it would be so much easier for me if we lived there", she says as she walks in behind him.

"And it would be harder for me", he counters. "My family is here, my friends –"

"And all of mine are in New York", she says loudly.

He sighs and clenches his jaw. "Lindsey, we are not doing this now. We're not doing it ever! I'm not moving", he says with finality

She huffs and walks to the door. "I'll be back sometime tomorrow. Tell your mother I'm sorry I can't be there", he hears the front door close a minute later and he falls onto the bed.

He knows he should be more open to compromise, but he can't help it. He loves walking the streets and being able to pinpoint a specific memory. He loves going to the Rivercourt and remembering the last time they were all together and happy; when he was with Peyton. He needs to be able to go places and remember her.

He can't leave these memories, they're all he has.

_But it's not so bad  
You're only the best I ever had  
You don't want me back  
You're just the best I ever had_

Peyton takes a deep breath as she walks through the airport. She's made a trip like this one other time and it ended up being a disaster. As she stands at the baggage claim she can feel her anxiety building and she almost needs a paper bag to breathe into.

A pair of arms wraps around her waist, "Hey", Chris whispers into her ear. "Calm down, Goldie. It's gonna be okay", he knows he can't make that promise, but he doesn't like seeing her like this.

"Thanks", she murmurs as she turns in his arms and hugs him. He grins and squeezes her once; not more then that because it would look a bit suspicious. "You're a good friend", she says as they break apart and his face falls, but not enough for her to notice.

"That's why I'm here", he says as he grabs both his bags and hers. As they walk together he can only smirk. She's incredibly nervous and she really doesn't need to be. The people here love her and can't wait to see her.

Lucas is probably included in that.

"God is it nuts that I'm nervous?" she voices the comments in his head. He shrugs.

"Kind of, Peyton you've seen these people at least five times in the last 18 months. It's not like they don't remember you", she hangs her head and bites the inside of her cheek.

"I haven't seen all these people as often", she whispers. He throws his head back and groans. The broody blonde will always a shadow in the background.

"Don't worry about him", he says as he adjusts their luggage; it's pretty heavy. Peyton wants to scoff. All she's done is worry about it. How can she not worry about it? He's Lucas Scott for crying out loud.

She swallows hard and nods her head. "You're right", she concedes. "How are we getting – where are we staying and how are we getting there?" she asks as the automatic doors open and they hit the sidewalk.

"Staying, I don't know yet. Arriving, well I took care of it", he says vaguely and she's about to mock him when a voice stops her.

"Sawyer!!" she hears yelled through the people that surround them. She turns and grins before looking back at Chris.

"I figured he would be one the first you'd want to see", she leans up and quickly pecks his cheek before running, full blast, into the waiting arms of Nathan Scott.

She squeals loudly as he spins them around, her long legs almost hitting the other pedestrians. "I've missed you", he whispers.

She can only giggle. It's been five months since the last time they were able to fly out to LA and that was a fluke. Slam-ball had wanted a chance at expanding so the developers decided a tour would be a planned option. That tour took them to LA.

"I've missed you too", she whispers into the crook of his neck. He puts her down in time for Chris to reach them.

"I don't get a hug?" he pouts. Nathan raises a brow and Chris shrugs. "Whatever, I'm sure Haley will be excited to see me."

The dark haired Scott rolls his eyes and takes a few of the bags from Chris. "Yeah, she'll be thrilled", he teases. He opens the trunk of his Range Rover and both men put the bags away. He goes to the driver's side of the car and calls over it.

"Welcome home, Peyton Sawyer."

_So you stole my world  
Now I'm just a phony  
Remembering the girl  
Leaves me down and lonely_

"Hello, hello!" Lucas calls out as he walks into his mother's house. The first person to greet him is his little sister. She runs down the hall and attaches herself to his legs. "Lily bear", he says affectionately as he picks her up into his arms.

"Hey Luke", she says as she presses a kiss to his cheek. His little sister is already a little lady. She's proper and loves to have tea parties and dresses up with Karen's old jewelry and high heels.

"Look at this cut", she says enthusiastically as she holds up her arm; her elbow in his face. She may be a little lady, but she's still a Scott.

"Gross", he teases and she laughs loudly.

"I know, me and Jamie were playing in the yard and he tried to get the rebound, but I beat him to it and he knocked me to the floor. It wasn't on purpose, but Nathan ripped him a new one", she says with a serious look and he can only raise his eyebrows.

"Lils, ripped him a new one?" he quotes on confusion. She shrugs and wiggles to be put down.

"I heard Brooke say it once to Owen", the second she's on her feet she's running back down the hall and yelling; "Mama, Luke's here!!"

A second later Karen Roe pops her head around the corner. She's smiling brighter then Lucas has seen in years and he's glad she's finally reached this point in her life. He's just upset that it isn't with the one person he wants it to be with.

"My boy", she coos and wipes her hands on her apron before placing her hands on his face and kissing his cheek caringly. He groans and she rolls her eyes. "You'll never be too old for that", she says with a grin before walking back to the stove.

"Smells great", he praises after taking a deep breath through his nose. She thanks him and before either one of them speak laughter fills their ears and Karen's smile brightens. He walks into the dining room and briefly wonders if this will ever be his life. Will he come home from a long day to the smell of a home-cooked meal and his children's laughter filling his ears?

He certainly hopes so.

Andy and Lily are setting the table and every few seconds Andy makes a face that sends his younger sister into a fit of laughter. It's clear that she loves the dark haired man and that he loves her.

"What's all the noise about?" he asks while leaning on the doorframe. Lily places a napkin on the table and says;

"Andy's being silly", there's still a laugh in her throat and it makes her sentence even more adorable.

"How's it going, Luke?" Andy asks as he reaches forward and shakes his hand.

"Not bad", he says with a shrug. The older man raises a brow and before he can say anything else Karen walks in and announces that dinner's ready. They sit and eat after grace is said. They make conversation and laugh at silly jokes. When dinners done they clear the table and Lily quickly asks to be excused, but not before grabbing a few cookies for dessert.

"So", Karen begins as she pours herself a glass of wine. "Where's Lindsey tonight?" she's held off asking all night and now that it's just them she feels they can have an adult conversation.

Lucas sighs and sips his beer. "New York, she has to edit some stuff; needs to speak to the editors directly."

"She has to travel a lot huh?" Andy interjects as he bites a chocolate chip cookie. Lucas watches, momentarily lost.

"_I think you missed some, right there", she said while tapping her shoulder._

"_Really?" he asked as he lowered his head._

"_Mmhmm", she said with a smile and opened his mouth to cover the spot with dough on it. His tongue swept across her skin and she shivered at the contact._

"_Ohh", she said and then laughed loudly._

_She threw her arm around him and he said, "You know what I take that back, this is the best cookie I've ever had." He pulled a piece of dough from her hair and flicked it away. _

"_Really?" she grinned and he nodded. She placed her hand on his face and their lips met._

"Luke?" Karen says with a concerned face. "You alright?"

He shakes his head to rid the memory and then clears his throat. "Yeah, sorry – umm, yes she needs to travel a lot", there's a stretch of silence. "She wants to move up there."

"Really" Andy says in surprise. "Well, that's interesting", it comes off as a question and he turns to look at his soon to be wife. Karen scowls; clearly it was the wrong word.

"Are you going to?" he shrugs and shakes his head.

"We fought about – fight about it almost weekly. I just don't want to", his answer is simple. Karen leans forward and places her hand on top of his.

"Why don't you want to? It's normal, Lucas, you guys are adults and you're married . . ."

"I just don't feel like I should have to. We were dating and she did the commute."

"But, she wasn't living in Tree Hill, she only visited here", Andy says and Lucas shoots him a death glare.

"What's the big deal about not wanting to move? I grew up here, my friends are here, I have memories here", he finishes softly and Karen furrows her brows. She has a feeling there's more to those memories then he's willing to share.

She waits a few minutes and polishes off the rest of her wine. She clears her throat and says; "I sent Peyton a letter about the wedding."

He meets her eyes, unable to form a coherent thought. His mother sent Peyton Sawyer a letter about the wedding. She wanted Peyton to come to the wedding. Peyton Sawyer would be in Tree Hill, with his wife.

"Why?" he asks bluntly. Karen raises an eyebrow and tilts her head.

"I would like her here for it. I love her like a daughter, Lucas", her blonde son lowers his eyes back to the table. "I don't even know if she's coming, I never got a response", she tries to ease his feelings.

But it's no use.

He's already thinking about what she's going to wear.

_Send it in a letter  
Make yourself feel better_

Nathan brings them to Brooke's house and Peyton has no idea why. All she really wants to do is see Jamie and take a nap, but apparently that won't be allowed. He parks in the driveway and she steps out of the car.

"Okay Scott, what's going on?"

He looks at her innocently and pouts. "I'm hurt that you would think there was an ulterior motive to this."

She scoffs. "Now, I know something's up", she mutters and Chris comes to stand beside her.

"Come on, leave him alone", he says while they walk up to the house. She rolls her eyes and Nathan covers them with his hands.

"Don't kill me", he says. She smirks as he opens the door.

"This is kinda kinky. Reminds me of old times", he chuckles and removes his hands. Peyton pales.

"Welcome back!!" a group of people scream.

A blush fills her cheeks and Brooke rushes over to her. "Nice entrance, P. Sawyer", she rasps into her ear.

"I'm gonna kill you", Peyton mumbles back. Brooke laughs and breaks the hug, she playfully pushes her and before Peyton can respond a little voice runs over to them.

"My turn!" Jamie yells and jumps into the air. Peyton catches him and picks him up higher before bringing him close.

"I've miss you, Baby James", she says as she hugs him. He throws his arms around her neck and hugs back just as tightly.

"I missed you too, Peyton. You gotta see Chester, he got really big", his eyes widen and she has to laugh.

"I'll have to stop by", and she will. She loves this little kid like her own. She puts him down and Haley is the next to rush over. They hug and say that they've missed the other and Owen comes over joking that he needs his hug too. After the greetings are done they all sit at the table and James digs into the cake Brooke bought.

"So P, the ghosts haunting you yet?" she ask casually. The rest of the table's mouths drops.

"Babe", Owen scolds. She looks at him questioningly and shrugs her shoulders. Chris laughs out loud and Peyton smirks.

"Subtle B. Davis", she laughs. Brooke sips her wine and eyes her pointedly.

"Well, are they?"

"No Brooke . . . I'm, I don't know – it sucks being here", she says at last and Brooke smiles sympathetically.

"Maybe you should write a letter about it", Nathan mumbles. Peyton's mouth drops and she looks at Haley.

"You said you weren't gonna say anything!"

"He was eavesdropping one day, it wasn't my fault", she promises.

"I'm glad you all find humor in my life", she mutters from behind her hands. Chris laughs and pulls them away.

"It's good for you to be able to do this", the other five watch their interaction with small smiles. It's no secret that Chris has had a crush on Peyton for some time; it's just too bad the blonde doesn't see it.

"It's cute that you do that by the way", Brooke adds with a smirk. Peyton narrows her eyes and squares her shoulders.

"You used to write him letters too", she reminds her and Brooke rolls her eyes.

"I wrote him about how much I missed him and how miserable I was. You write him simply to tell him about your day. He isn't going to respond", Brooke says obviously.

"So, isn't yours worse?" she questions.

Brooke shakes her head. "No because I was writing about me and my loneliness and blah, blah, blah", she says while waving her hand in the air.

"All we're saying, is that it's good that you were still connecting to him", Haley says in her motherly tone. Peyton's eyes divert to the table and they all feel guilty for the jokes they made.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap", Peyton says as she stands from the table. "My rooms still available?" she asks with a smile.

"Always", Brooke rasps. "P. I'm sorry if we upset you", she whispers. Peyton shakes her head meets Chris's eyes before walking into the room.

Once the door is shut she sits at her desk and finds a piece of paper. She scribbles down the date and begins the last one she'll ever write;

_Dear Lucas . . ._

_But it's not so bad  
You're only the best I ever had  
You don't need me back  
You're just the best I ever had_

This isn't the typical thing he feels his mother would have had. It's pretty much a week long event leading up to the nuptials on Friday. He looks around him and sighs. They're at a garden just outside of Tree Hill. It's beautiful really. Something you'd expect to see in a fairytale.

He leans against the car and sighs once more. He's waiting for Lindsey to get here so that they can walk in together. His foot starts to shake for the fifth time since he's been in the parking lot. It's not because he's excited to see his wife though. He's nervous as Hell that Peyton might be here.

"Hey", Lindsey calls out to him and wraps her arms around his neck. He kisses her and for a moment Peyton doesn't exist. They break apart and he rests his forehead onto hers. If only everyday could be like this.

"Hey yourself", he whispers. She smiles and kisses him once more before pulling on his hand and leading the way into the hall.

"So, how was dinner?" she asks along the way. He laces his fingers through hers and sighs.

"It was good, I love spending time with Lily", he says with a brotherly love. Lindsey smiles at him and she can feel her heart pound in her ears.

"Do you want that, Luke?" he looks over at her and raises a brow. "Kids", she says meekly and he stops walking. It's so abrupt that she gets pulled back to him.

"I – well, I mean", she places her hand on his forearm and rubs it's soothingly.

"I don't mean right now or anything, but someday", she says with a hopeful glint in her eyes. Lucas feels the wind get knocked out of him.

_Someday._

He clears his throat and starts walking again. "Sure . . . someday", the word feels like acid on his tongue.

"Don't sound too enthusiastic", she mutters. He looks over at her.

"Can we try to **not** fight today, please", he asks snidely. She looks away and whispers softly;

"I missed you."

At this point they're walking out into the garden and he sees his mom and Andy in the distance. He can hear Jamie and Lily yelling. And he can practically feel Lindsey falling apart.

"I missed you too", he whispers as he pulls her close and kisses her once more.

They break apart and Lindsey grins while he turns to walk before stopping once more. That's when he sees her, sitting with his brother and Brooke. Before he can stop himself he's sucking in a breath.

She looks _fucking_ gorgeous.

_And it may take some time to  
Patch me up inside  
But I can't take it so I  
Run away and hide  
And I may find in time that  
You were always right  
You're always right_

"Have you talked to Karen yet?" Brooke asks and Peyton shakes her head.

"I don't wanna bother her", she mumbles and sips her apple martini. Brooke scoffs.

"She sent you a personal letter of invitation. I'm sure she's dying to see you", Peyton blushes. From her other side she hears Nathan make a noise and she looks at him before following his gaze. She wishes she never did.

Lucas and Lindsey are standing no more then 50 feet away from them. They look happy and in love and comfortable with one another and she feels like melting into the ground to get away from it. Once they break apart from their kiss he looks in their direction and they lock eyes.

She looks away and chugs the rest of her drink. "Jeez P. Sawyer, what's with the sponge act?" she kinks a brow and has her answer a second later.

"Hey Brooke, hi Nate", he grabs his brothers hand for a firm shake and kisses Brooke's cheek. Lindsey does the same, but he doesn't really notice. Peyton uncrosses and then crosses her legs.

He feels his knees go weak.

"Hey Peyton."

"Hi Lucas", she says in the same tone he had used.

"It's been a while", his voice is suddenly hoarse.

_Not long enough_, she thinks. "Yeah it has." Her green eyes meet Lindsey's blue ones and she smiles kindly.

"Nice to see you again Lindsey. Married life suits you", the words just fall from her mouth. Lindsey blushes and moves noticeably closer to Lucas.

"How are you, Peyton?" she asks. The blonde shrugs.

"Works been hectic, but I love it", Lindsey smiles and it falls silent. Eerily silent. Nathan and Brooke exchange a look over Peyton's head; silently yelling at the other to make it less awkward. Thankfully, they're both saved.

"Alright, we've got drinks", the voice makes Lucas furrow his brows. He's heard it before, a long time ago. He turns his head and meets the blue eyes of a man he once considered the devil reincarnated.

"Chris Keller", he says in shock. He hands Peyton another drink and she smiles gratefully before he grins widely.

"Lucas Scott", he holds out his hand and Lucas takes it warily.

"What are you doing here?"

"Came with Goldilocks", he says casually as he points his thumb in her direction. Haley takes a seat on Nathan's lap and he quickly looks at her. She smiles guiltily and looks away.

This whole thing is too weird for him.

"I'm gonna get a drink, you want one?" he asks his wife. She nods and takes a seat across from the male singer, enamored with the stories he has of the past.

Peyton watches him go with sad eyes. They can't even have a decent conversation anymore. She has no time to wallow though because the second he leaves, Karen approaches.

"Peyton Sawyer", she says with nothing but affection. Peyton stands and walks into her arms. "It's good to see you sweetie", she whispers and Peyton can feel her eyes sting for no real reason.

"It's good to see you too", she whispers back with a strained voice. "Congratulations", she beams as she takes the older woman's hands in her own.

"Thank you", Karen says sincerely. They have an unspoken moment where Karen thanks her for coming and Peyton lets her know that she wouldn't miss it for the world.

"Stop hogging the bride to be", Brooke jokes and Peyton snaps back to reality. Karen laughs and hugs Brooke before making her way down the line.

Lindsey's one of the last she hugs and Peyton tries not to feel joy from it.

_So you sailed away  
Into a grey sky morning  
Now I'm here to stay  
Love can be so boring_

"So, we can't even stay in the same five feet of each other?"

Peyton closes her eyes. The afternoon turned into evening and now it's dark out. The stars are shining and it makes her realize just how much she missed Tree Hill. You don't get views like this in Los Angeles.

"You were the one who bailed first", she says in reference to their first 'hello' in a year.

She can hear him sigh and knows he's shoved his hands into his pockets before she even turns around to face him.

"I just don't know how to act", he says honestly. "It's been so long since we've seen each other and the last time we did see each other . . ."

He trails off and that's when she faces him. Sure enough his hands are in his pockets, he occasionally takes one hand out to rub the back of his neck. It's like a reflex for her to smile. When he sees this he smiles back.

"It _is_ good to see you", he says. She closes her eyes once more and lets out a sigh. It's always things like this that get them into trouble. She opens her mouth and the words fly from her mouth;

"It's good to see you too."

They're standing in a random hall that has a small marble deck. She's right near the balcony and he's at the border or the deck and the rest of the hall. He's dressed in a pale blue button down and black slacks. His hair has grown out and has the messy look of the teenage boy she loved.

Overall, he looks good.

He takes the time to look at her. She's in a blue dress, but it's not royal or light, it's a dodger blue. At that thought he shakes his head; he needs to stop hanging out with Brooke. The dress is low cut, but not trashy. It's not too short, but the perfect length to show off her legs. Her hairs straight and a bit dark from the last time he remembers.

Once again he can only think that she looks fucking gorgeous.

"So . . . you're here with Keller?"

The tone of his voice makes her defensive and she stands a little straighter when says, "And you're here with Lindsey." He walks closer to her and they're standing only a foot apart when he speaks again;

"Sorry", it's sincere and she bows her head. "Do you hate me?"

His voice is fragile and he looks like a lost child. She looks away from him before looking up at the stars. His arm stretches out and his hand brushes a lock of hair away from her collar bone. They both shiver at the smallest contact.

"No", she breathes out.

"Don't lie to me", he begs. She shakes her head.

"I don't . . . I want to though", he nods his head in understanding and pushes his hand back into his pocket.

"Look Peyton –"

The tone of his voice makes her know that this is a serious conversation and that is most definitely not something she wants to have right now, ever really. She puts her hands up. "Lucas, please."

He nods and turns to leave. He doesn't know what he was thinking just now, trying to bring up the past. He stops just short of the hall and turns to look at her. He can feel his heart beat furiously. "I've never stopped thinking about you. Not once in the last year, but I know I should have. We need to talk, Peyt. Let me know when you're ready." And with that he leaves.

She faces the darkness and places her hands on the marble banister; she needs the support. Tears fill her eyes and she bites her bottom lip.

She wills herself not to let those water droplets fall.

_What was it you wanted  
Could it be I'm haunted_

It's late now, much later then any of them realize. Most of the guests have gone. The main group is the only ones left and that feels right somehow. Owen and Brooke are talking secretly in the corner and Peyton can swear she sees a blush fill her best friend's cheeks. It's good to see Brooke so happy.

Nathan and Haley are sitting on one of the benches. Nathan's drunk and Haley's, somehow involved in a deep conversation with him. He stops her quickly with a kiss to her lips. She feigns annoyance, but leans in again and kisses him deeply. Once again Peyton smiles.

"You ready to go?" Chris asks as he slides up to her. She nods, but quickly frowns.

"Where are we going to go?" she asks with a pout. He opens his mouth, but closes it after a moment. He has no idea.

"I guess we could get a hotel", her shoulders slouch and he throws his head back. "You're the one who doesn't want to impose on your friends", he says loudly.

Lucas and Lindsey walk over in time to hear half of the argument. "Stay with us", Lindsey offers. All eyes lock onto her.

"Is she drunk?" Chris whispers under his breath. Peyton shrugs discreetly.

"Umm, we don't want to be a burden", Peyton says politely. Lindsey waves her off.

"Nonsense, we don't want you guys to be stranded", she looks over at her husband; whose jaw has hit the ground. "Do we honey?"

Instantly he knows what she's doing. She's played nice the entire time. Made conversation, laughed, even joked herself, but here she is, testing him. It's a total Catch 22.

If he doesn't want Peyton there it's for obvious reasons.

If he wants Peyton there it's for an assumed reason.

He looks at her and then at Peyton and Chris. He clears his throat and throws his arm over Lindsey's shoulder. "No, we wouldn't want that."

Peyton's eyes widen and Chris is holding back a smirk. He looks over at Peyton and that feeling fades. "We really don—"

"Great!" Lindsey says as she claps her hands together. "We'll just get your stuff from Brooke and Owens place and then head over to ours", she seems to stress the last word and it makes Peyton want to lunge at her.

"Great!" Chris mocks Lindsey. "I love a sleepover. Got any good stories, Luke?" he asks pointedly. Peyton jabs him with her elbow and grabs his hand.

"Let's go tell Brooke", she mumbles while walking away.

Lucas sighs. As if the stress of seeing her wasn't enough. How she's going to be sleeping across the hall.

_But it's not so bad  
You're only the best I ever had  
I don't want you back  
You're just the best I ever had  
The best I ever had  
The best I ever_

* * *

Let me know what you think!

BTW the dress Peyton's wearing is the one from 6x08.


	4. The Pupil In Denial

**I don't own it, nor do I own "The Blowers Daughter" by Damien Rice.**

This man is a musical genius! Love him.

Thank you so much for all the amazing and supportive reviews! I would be lost without some of you. I know I sound like a broken record, but its soo true.

* * *

_And so it is  
Just like you said it would be  
Life goes easy on me  
Most of the time_

_  
And so it is  
The shorter story  
No love, no glory  
No hero in her sky_

"She has to be on drugs."

Peyton chuckles as her best friend lies on the bed – her bed for the next week. When her and Chris told her what had happened she demanded that she come along for the sheer enjoyment of it all. Owen decided to wait in the car. That was twenty minutes ago.

"I said drunk, but drugs seems like a better option", Chris muses as he puts a few shirts into the empty drawers. Peyton huffs.

"Maybe she was just being nice", they both stare at her with perplexed expressions.

"Are you on drugs?" Brooke asks as she stands. The blonde shakes her head.

"I think she's just trying to make the best of a crappy situation", she shrugs and places her perfume on the top of the wooden dresser. Brooke furrows her brows.

"You know what would be the best outcome?" she doesn't wait for a response. "You get hungry in the middle of the night and wander into the kitchen and find some chocolate ice cream—"

"Why not vanilla?" Chris asks in interest. Brooke looks in his direction and shrugs.

"Because chocolate seems more appropriate . . . anyway, you're getting the ice cream in the dark because you don't want to draw attention, but Lucas hears the noise; his curiosity peaks and he moseys –"

"Moseys?" Chris interrupts again.

"Moseys", Brooke says as she nods her head once. "Into the kitchen and he flicks on the light. You turn around; startled and he laughs at the small amount of ice cream on your bottom lip. You blush and of course he finds it endearing. He stalks over to you and gently wipes it away with his thumb only to lick it away a second later. You're overcome with passion and the carton of ice cream drops to the floor while your legs rise to wrap around his waist. He stumbles the both of you over to the kitchen table where you proceed to have some of the hottest sex either of you have ever experienced", when she finishes both sets of eyes are on her.

"How is that the best outcome?" Chris asks as he clears his throat.

"Because it's totally _My Best Friends Wedding_", Brooke says pointedly. Peyton scoffs.

"Julia Roberts doesn't get the guy", she reminds her friend.

"Minor technicality", the brunette says with a wave of her hands. Chris watches the interaction with a furrowed brow.

"And this isn't his wedding week, it's his mothers. Plus, I don't have a gay best friend to fake an engagement with", she mutters. Brooke sighs, nearing the point of giving in when she glances at the only man in the room. Her face lights up.

"You do have a Chris Keller", she squeals. Chris's eyes widen.

"There are many things I can be; gay isn't one of them", he shakes his head.

"No one said anything about being gay", Brooke sings out. The idea of Peyton and Chris being engaged would send Lucas over the edge and she knows it. Peyton lets out one, loud chortle and Chris tears his gaze from the brunette to look at the blonde.

"Is the thought of being engaged to me that ridiculous?" he asks as he takes an angry stance. Brooke bites her bottom lip. Peyton's eyes soften.

"No, no – this whole concept is ridiculous", she says as she looks back at Brooke.

"We all thought the idea of you dancing with Lucas at **his** wedding was ridiculous, but that happened", Chris's mouth drops.

"You danced with him? Like slow danced?" he asks with a raised brow. When he receives an answer it's from Brooke;

"Yup, they slow danced to _The Way You Look Tonight_, total Julia Roberts moment. Heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time", she whispers with a far off look in her eyes.

"You never told me that", he says with a hint of disappointment in his voice. Peyton groans.

"It's not something I like to relive", she mutters while looking at Brooke. "Look, I appreciate you wanting to . . . help, but there's nothing to be done. Lucas and I are long over", she speaks softly.

"Peyton, you can't pretend that you and Lucas weren't meant to be", Brooke says simply. Chris takes in a deep breath. This conversation has entered dangerous waters.

"Brooke, he's married to Lindsey and –"

"Peyton, pretending isn't go –"

"_Pretending_ is what's going to get me though this week. Pretending that Lucas and I weren't meant to be is what get's me out of bed everyday", her voice trembles and Brooke takes a step forward. "Pretending that I'm oka –"

The rooms silent and when Brooke's phone vibrates they all hear it perfectly. "Maybe you should go", Chris whispers. Brooke's face falls, but he shakes his head to let her know there are no hard feelings. "That's probably Owen", he mutters.

Brooke knows he's right before even glancing at her phone. She walks to the closed bedroom door and feels Chris's presence behind her. He reaches forward and pulls the door open for her. She turns to him. "I didn't mean –"

"I know", he says kindly. "She knows."

"Let her know I'm sorry", Brooke begs raspily. Chris nods and kisses her forehead.

"Tell Owen we said thanks for the ride", she nods and walks past Lucas's room to the kitchen door. When he hears it open and close he turns back into the room.

To his surprise Peyton's already in bed with the covers up to her chin. He sticks his hands into his pockets and walks over to her slowly.

"She didn't mean to upset you", he tells her even though he knows Peyton knows that. He isn't surprised when she nods.

"I know, it just sucks having all your ghosts in your face", she whispers. He pulls his t-shirt over his head and climbs in beside her; having changed into his shorts earlier. He lays beside her in total silence, not sure what to do for her. It's a long stretch of silence until he says;

"You don't think Lucas and Lindsey have had sex in here do you?"

She laughs a genuine laugh. It's moments like these she's glad she has Chris in her life. He doesn't even know he's helping her when that's exactly what he's doing.

"Definitely not", she says with such guarantee that he asks to question it. "When he and I were still together in high school we talked about moving in together. Karen had plans to travel and would most likely give Luke the house. He found me sitting here and shot down the thought of moving into this room. I had my ways and convinced him to. One thing led to another and we were pretty hot and heavy", Chris grimaces. "Let's just say it didn't get very far. He had some _complications_."

Chris knows exactly what that means and he lets out a howl of laughter. "He couldn't get it up?" he asks with tears in his eyes. Peyton blushes, but nods her head.

"If I couldn't get it to happen there's no way that man face could", she grumbles and Chris shakes his head.

"It's comforting to know we're sleeping in a safe bed", the blonde bites her lip.

"You know what?" Peyton whispers. He lets out a noise and she continues. "This used to be Karen's bed."

They both stare at each other before jumping from the bed.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat", she says while walking to the door. Chris nods.

"I'm gonna pace over here", he says while pointing to a general area.

Peyton nods and heads to the kitchen.

_I can't take my eyes off of you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off of you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes . . ._

He lies in bed with his hands folded atop his abdomen. Sleeping has been near impossible for quite some time, but now it's not even fathomable. He turns his head to look at a peacefully sleeping Lindsey and scowls. This is all her fault. Quickly that thought vanishes.

It really is his entire fault.

But, it's not his fault that Peyton's sleeping down the hall.

He wonders if it would be like this for every ex. If Peyton had slept at Nathan and Haley's would Nathan be lying awake thinking about the leggy blonde? When he thinks about Naley's marriage he doesn't think so.

He sighs in aggravation and clamps his eyes shut. If sleep won't come on its own, he'll force it. Lucas desperately tries to clear his mind of everything. His brains constantly thinking and reacting and this is why he can't ever get to sleep. Anxiety is regularly forming. On the occasion he can get a decent nights sleep he can feel his anxiety pulsing through his veins.

His eyes snap open and he huffs like a child. Maybe those sleeping pills would help. He looks at his wife one last time before pushing the covers off and standing from the bed. He was never really a fan of medicated sleep treatments, but Lindsey was concerned and asked him to see a doctor. He did; mostly to appease her, but he was also hoping it would work.

They didn't.

But he always has hope.

Once he opens the bedroom door he hears a commotion from the kitchen. He furrows his brows and walks down the dark hall. He doesn't know why there aren't any lights on and it's a bit odd. He strains his eyes to see anything, but it's pointless. His hand reaches for the light switch, but stops when he hears a noise. A drawer is pulled open and the silverware is moved around. He can hear the faint footsteps walk to the refrigerator and a second later the freezer door opens. The ice cream is pulled out; he knows this because the top makes a popping noise as it's removed.

He has a fairly good idea who it is.

When he flicks the switch she gasps and spins around; the spoon is in her mouth and the containers in her hand. Before he says anything he stares at her. In an instant the one thing he's been searching for comes to life. The one emotion he's sought out is found. She's in her sleepwear; a t-shirt and shorts and she's not wearing any makeup, her hairs a mess; half curly half straight.

And he smiles at the normalcy of this moment.

"Hey", she says with the spoon in her mouth. She blushes and pulls it out. "I didn't wake you did I?"

He pushes off the doorway and shakes his head. "No, no, I was up", he assures her. Peyton nods and eyes him warily. For some reason she goes back to Brooke 'best outcome'. Here she is in his kitchen eating ice cream . . . chocolate nonetheless!

"You've got some one your lip", he says with a laugh. And then he says this. He stares at her while she seems to have an inner battle. He walks up to her and automatically raises his hand to wipe it away.

She can feel her pulse race.

He brings his thumb to his mouth and his lips pucker around it. The little spot of chocolate disappears and she feels slightly dizzy. Her mouth opens, but he speaks before her.

"Feel like sharing?" he asks with a grin. She nods enthusiastically; glad that the moment's over. She turns away from him and walks to the wooden chair. She is glad right? Peyton shakes her head, of course she is.

"So, what's got you up?" he asks as he digs into the carton. She shrugs her shoulders.

"Nothing specific. All sorts of things", she says with a laugh; not realizing the flashback he has at those words. But that's how it will always be with them. A word, a smell, a freaking television show, will trigger a memory of the other person and a moment they shared.

"What about you?" she breaks his thoughts. He moves the spoon around the chocolate crevices and shrugs like she had.

"Just couldn't sleep", he whispers while glancing at her. She nods her head; completely understanding the unspoken answers.

"You happy to be back in Tree Hill?" he asks after a moment of silence. A small smile graces her lips and he smiles as well.

"I am actually. It's an adjustment, but it's not like it's permanent or anything so . . ." she trails off, not really sure where to take her sentence. "I've really missed everyone. Nathan and Haley are more adorable than ever and Jamie's gotten so big, Brooke and Owen are so happy together. Lily's such a . . ."

"Girl", he finishes and they both laugh. She nods and he clears his throat. "She's kind of how I imagined you were when you were that age", she looks surprised at his words. "Before the world caught up with you. She's proper and loves to play dress up, but she's sassy and tough. She doesn't take shit from anyone", Peyton laughs. "She's exactly how I always thought –"

He stops abruptly, but Peyton already knows where he was going. _Their daughter._ She blushes mildly and coughs to break the awkwardness. "Karen and Andy seem so wonderfully in love; I'm really happy for them", she says sincerely. Lucas looks down at the table feeling a stab of guilt. He is happy, but he can't really say it with conviction.

Peyton covers his hand with her own and he meets her eyes. They're filled with compassion and understanding. "She's not trying to replace him, Luke."

He smiles a genuine smile and turns his hand over so that their palms are touching. His larger hand closes around her smaller one and he squeezes gently. He opens his mouth, but is interrupted.

"Peyton, are you ever com – oh", Chris stops just short of the doorway and stares at the two blondes. She rips her hand away and Lucas frowns at the loss of contact.

"Yeah, sorry", she says while standing from the chair. She puts her spoon in the sink and meets Chris.

"Goodnight", they say at the same time and chuckle afterwards. They walk down the hall and Chris places his hand at the small of her back when she enters the bedroom before him.

Lucas watches the whole scene with an empty soul.

_And so it is  
Just like you said it should be  
We'll both forget the breeze  
Most of the time_

_  
And so it is  
The colder water  
The blower's daughter  
The pupil in denial_

"Guess what I did last night."

Brooke looks at her friend and then scans the area around her. She's the only one at the table, so Peyton has to be talking to her. This is a good thing. She smirks and her dimples pop out.

"What?"

"Had sex on Lucas Scott's kitchen table", she says with wide eyes. Brooke's mouth drops and she leans closer to Peyton.

"You did not!" she gasps out with a smile.

"You're right, I didn't", Peyton says simply and Brooke's smile vanishes.

"You bitch", she grumbles, but a smirk forms once more. Peyton smiles and leans back in her chair. Brooke tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and sighs.

"I'm really sorry."

"I know", Peyton smiles and takes her hand. "I love that you're the only one who doesn't let me bullshit my way out of things, but sometimes you need to let me", they both laugh. "I know that my past with Lucas will always be lingering, but sometimes if I don't think about it, it's not there", she doesn't know if it'll make sense to Brooke, but it makes sense to her.

Is she doesn't think about it, it doesn't physically hurt.

"Okay, I promise to lighten up on you", she rolls her eyes playfully.

"Good, now let's go eat", she stands from her chair and pulls Brooke with her.

They're at a brunch for Andy and Karen. It's another garden and Peyton wonders how in the world Karen knows where they all are. She's excited to spend more time with everyone. The food looks delicious and the mimosas are flowing. She and Brooke return with their food to the packed table.

"So then he slams into me and I crash into the plexiglass", Nathan finishes telling the story of his first Slam-ball game. Peyton's heard it so many times she knows it by heart.

"And I spent the rest of the game making sure that didn't happen", Owen mutters with a smirk.

"You knew if you ever wanted to get laid again you had to", Lucas says from behind his glass of orange juice and champagne. The table erupts into laughter. Peyton can feel a pang in her heart. She misses times like these. Laughing and talking about stupid memories. She isn't even a part of these memories. For a second she thinks that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be back for good.

When Lindsey rubs from Lucas's bicep to his forearm she knows she's wrong.

"Hales, Jamie is adorable", Brooke says suddenly. They all turn to see him pulling the chair out for Lily to sit down. Haley looks at Nathan and he grins widely.

"That's my boy", he says with pride.

"I thank God for him everyday", Haley says with a nod. They all know what she's talking about.

"I don't think I'll ever forget that night", Nathan says with a far off look. Lucas nods.

"Neither will I."

The table holds in a breath. The State Championship was a night many of them held close to their hearts for different reasons. It was the night Brooke began to forgive Peyton fully. It was the night Nathan learned to never take anything for granted.

And it was the night Lucas _finally_ listened to his heart.

Peyton knows everyone's eyes are on her; or floating from her to Lucas so she opens her mouth and looks around at everyone. "Lucas redeemed himself by making the last shot", she teases and his mouth drops.

"Junior year was a fluke", he waves his hand at her and the table smiles. It's nice to see them act so . . . ordinary. Haley catches eyes with Lindsey and knows she isn't too happy. Lucas's cell phone vibrates and he glances at the name with a groan.

"It's my agent, I'll be right back."

Once he leaves Lindsey settles herself against the chair. "So, Peyton", she has a bitchy comment on the tip of her tongue; it's literally begging to be set free, but she swallows it back. "Sign any new bands?"

She can't hate the blonde. She wants to, she really does, but it's not her fault. She stepped aside and let them be together; she did what Lindsey had asked. So why wasn't it more rewarding?

The group lets out a breath and Peyton brightens; she goes into detail about the three newest groups she signed before she came out here. Lindsey isn't so bad. If she wasn't with Lucas they might even be friends, but given the circumstances she knows they'll never go past polite conversation and easy topics.

Lucas returns with a beaming smile and a dazed look in his eyes. "That was my agent", he repeats what he said before he left. "Somebody bought the rights to my book", he still can't believe it.

"_The Comet_? Luke, that's great!" Haley yells before anyone else can. He shakes his head.

"Not _The Comet_. They bought it for Ravens", he says while glancing around. Everyone is still elated for him. 'Congratulations' are passed out and he turns to his wife.

"I have to use the bathroom", Lindsey mumbles and leaves the table. They all watch her go with shock on their faces. Even Lucas looks hurt. Peyton's dumbfounded, Lindsey should be thrilled. Lucas locks eyes with her and when she raises a questioning brow he stares at her disbelievingly. That's when it hits her.

Lindsey may have helped his first novel get published.

But if it weren't for Peyton there wouldn't be a first novel.

_I can't take my eyes off of you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off of you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes . . ._

Lucas finds Lindsey a few minutes later, sitting on a bench beside a pond. He sits next to her and doesn't say a word. There's a long moment of silence and he finally can't take anymore.

"Why don't you seem happy for me?" she turns to look at him because of the tone of his voice. He sounds broken and vulnerable. She slouches and shakes her head.

"I am so happy for you. I'm so proud of you", she grabs his hand and runs her finger over his wedding band. He smiles at the gesture.

"Then why'd you leave?"

She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "It's _An Unkindness of Ravens_, Lucas", she whispers and that says everything she could ever need to.

He nods his head. He figured that was why she disappeared. This was the book that Lindsey edited when nobody else would give it a chance. It was the book that made her believe in destiny. It was a love letter. A statement of feelings all wrapped up neatly.

This was the book about Lucas Scott's love for Peyton Sawyer.

She lets go of his hand and places both of hers on her knees. Suddenly the open area is suffocating. She stands and takes a deep breath.

"It's just gonna be hard", she whispers as she folds her arms around herself.

"Yeah, I know", remembering what he and Peyton were like – young, and happy, and in love – it'll probably be one of the hardest things he watches.

"And you're still not writing", she says in exasperation as she walks a bit of a distance away. He stands and follows her. He reaches for her elbow and spins them around so that she's facing the pond and he's facing the crowd. He sees the pain in her eyes and wants to take it away. So he tells her;

"Actually, I have a few chapters typed out if you wanna read them."

It has the exact opposite effect.

Her eyes harden and she steps back. "You're writing?" it's more of an accusation then a question. He hangs his head. Last night he snuck the laptop out to the kitchen and typed for hours. He slipped back into bed 30 minutes before Lindsey woke up.

"Damnit Lucas!" she growls out. "I cannot believe this is happening again", she whispers with such despair that it makes Lucas step forward, but she takes a step back.

He doesn't know how this happened. All he wants to do is celebrate the fact that something this huge is happening for him. His dreams are exploding into a world of endless possibilities and he wants to be able to enjoy it.

"Nothing is happening", as he speaks he hears laughter and his head follows it. Peyton's dancing with Chris near the tables. He's spinning them around and her head is thrown back; a beautiful smile one her lips. His heart clenches a bit.

Lindsey follows his gaze and her eyes water. She looks back at him and takes a purposeful step forward; she sandwiches his face between her hands. "Can you look at **me** and say that?" she questions angrily. His eyes cast downward and she releases him.

She wraps her arms around herself once more and lets a few tears trail down her cheeks. Everything was simpler a few days ago. They weren't the perfect couple, but they weren't teetering on the edge of no return.

"Lucas, I don't know how we're going to survive this week", she says sadly.

He opens his mouth with every intention of firing something back. He did it all the time with Brooke in high school. Always reassured her that he loved her and wanted her. But this isn't high school any more.

And truthfully, he doesn't know how they'll make it.

_Did I say that I loathe you?  
Did I say that I want to  
Just leave it all behind?_

"Dude!" Peyton screeches as she slaps Chris's shoulder. A blush fills her cheeks and she buries her face in her hands. The entire table laughs and Peyton groans. Leave it to Keller to tell every embarrassing story possible.

"Would you rather I tell some stories?" Nathan asks and without a second thought she leans across the table and whacks his arm.

"You better never open that mouth, Scott", she says is so threateningly that he closes his mouth and his eyes widen. Once again everyone laughs; with the exception of Nathan.

They all quiet down in time for Lindsey to reach the table. They can see the faint trail of tears along her cheeks and her nose is red. She grabs her purse and looks at them all.

"Lindsey?" Haley questions. She stands, but Lindsey makes a motion for her to sit back down.

"I'm not feeling too well", the woman whispers. "Tell Lucas I'll see him at home", she begins to walk away, but she stops and looks at Peyton and Chris – mostly Peyton. "I'll see you at home too I suppose", and then she walks away.

They're all silent for a while; their earlier mirth gone. This is another reason she could never move back here and she knows all her friends know it. In one way or another, she will always be the elephant in the room; just like she told Lucas.

Lucas.

"I'm just gonna . . ." she trails off and they all look at her. She doesn't need to say what she's doing, they all know it. She stands and walks in the direction that Lindsey has just come from.

When Peyton finds him he's sitting on the bench that Lindsey previously occupied. His shoulders are slouched and his head is hung low. She bites her lips before going around and sitting beside him.

"Lindsey just left", she whispers. "She said she'd see you at home", he nods and looks out at the pond.

Lucas takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. When he breathes in he faintly smells her usual mix of lavender and vanilla. She's always involved in his life somehow. He can feel his bitterness growing. His marriage is falling apart and while that's probably better in the long run, right now it sucks. He looks at her and shakes his head.

"You shouldn't have come", Peyton furrows her brows.

"I just wanted to make sure –"

"No, I don't mean this . . . you shouldn't have come back to Tree Hill", he mumbles her mouth opens and her eyes narrow.

"Lucas, your mother asked me to come, I couldn't ignore it."

He can't stop himself now. He knows she's only trying to help, but the more time he spends with her the more he . . . he shakes his head; he can't go there right now. The words are coursing through his head and flowing from his mouth.

"It would be so much easier if you weren't here. Lindsey and I would be fine", he yells even though that's a lie. They were never fine, but they were always okay. But, being okay is better then being alone, which is exactly where he's heading at this point.

She scoffs. "You shouldn't have come to LA a year ago, but you did", he looks at her and she shrugs. If he wants to play the blame game he should blame the right person.

Himself.

He ignores her words and speaks again; "I swear you have an alarm in your head; every time I'm happy you pop back up and it all falls apart", he runs his hand through his hair after his repeat of words from that night in her office. The night he kissed her back.

She looks at him incredulously and nods. His words hurt; a lot, but like the Peyton Sawyer she is, she doesn't let it show.

"You're right", she says while standing, "I came back here with every intention of ruining you and Lindsey", she says snidely.

He knows that tone of voice and his anger fades. He closes his eyes and sighs audibly. He shouldn't be taking his anger out on her.

What's that saying? The ones you love the most are also the ones you hurt the most?

"Peyton, I'm –"

She holds up her hands and he stops speaking instantly. She swallows back the lump in her throat and shakes her head. "I guess we're even", she whispers and he furrows his brows. She speaks again and her voice is hoarse; filled with pain;

"I'm ruining your marriage and you're ruining my life."

_I can't take my mind off of you  
I can't take my mind off you  
I can't take my mind off of you  
I can't take my mind off you  
I can't take my mind off you  
I can't take my mind . . .  
My mind . . . my mind . . .  
'Til I find somebody new_

So, idk how much I liked this chapter. There are parts that I really like, but there are others that are a bit flat. I'm coming to a crossroads now. Not too sure how to get from A to B and land on C. Anyways, enough rambling. Let me know what you think!

* * *


	5. All I Ever Really Wanted Was To Dream

**I still don't own it, just like I don't own "Give Me Heart" by Susie Suh. **

Alright, OTH was amazing! I loved everything about it. Yes, even the flashbacks to the Julian/ Peyton relationship. I actually thought they were cute together. I never would have guessed that they were an actual couple, but I'm glad that they had some substance. The fact that he still clearly likes/loves her makes me a little sad for him. I don't know where it comes from, but I really do feel bad. He and Hilarie have great chemistry.

Anyhow, thanks as always for your stellar reviews. You're all fantastic! If you feel like this is moving slowly or whatever, I'm hoping to pick things up next chapter; I've got the last lines written; literally. I just have to develop the rest of that chapter lol

P.S. – I've wanted to use this song and I really thought it fit well here.

Enjoy!!

* * *

_The water is rushing in  
I feel it on my skin  
Our boat is sinking now_

Lucas walks in the front door and heads straight to the bedroom, not bothering to say goodnight to the two people that awkwardly shuffle in behind him. When he opens his door he isn't surprised to see his wife curled into a ball on her side of the bed. The covers are pulled up over her entire body and he can only make out the faint rise and fall with every breath she takes.

He sheds his button up and slips out of his slacks; taking his shoes off with them and he crawls into bed. He turns on his side and stares at Lindsey. She deserves so much more then this. She deserves the most any man could offer her and he knows he isn't it anymore.

He also knows he shouldn't have yelled at Peyton the way he did tonight. She was only trying to check up on him and he took every once of anger and resentment he had out on her. She didn't deserve that either. Somewhere along the past few years he lost who he was and he's become a man he never wanted to be.

He wishes he had all the answers. For so long he was the person people would come to. If they had problems or questions or fears, they sought him out.

Now, he's the one that needs the answers and there's no-one to turn to.

A shuddered breath beside him causes his face to contort. "Linds?" he asks softly.

She must have been holding in her tears because he hadn't noticed her labored breaths until just now.

She rolls over and looks at him. Her husband of the past 18 months that she was sure loved her with all his heart is slowly breaking hers and he doesn't even mean to. That's what hurts the most. She knows if there was anything he could do to help her he would, but there isn't. He cannot control his feelings.

He watches as the tears silently make their way down her face and he has to bite the inside of his cheek. He doesn't want this; he doesn't want any of this. He doesn't want to cause his wife so much pain and he doesn't want to wonder if the girl across the hall is this broken too.

Lindsey can seem to sense his conflictions because she stares at him with sad eyes and shakes her head. Her tears hit pillow and Lucas reaches out to wipe some of them away. He clears his throat and opens his mouth, but before he can say anything she stops him.

"Can – can you just hold me?" she asks so softly he has to strain his ears to hear it. He nods his head and she shimmies over into his arms. He wraps them around her frame and holds her close.

"I'm leaving tomorrow", she whispers into his chest. He tilts his head back slightly and catches sight of the luggage he failed to notice when he first walked in.

"Do you have work or . . ." he trails off. He's too afraid that she might confirm that she's leaving because she can't stand to be here any longer. He lets out a breath when she nods.

"Mark called; I have to be in New York the day after tomorrow. I'm taking the red eye after we go out with your mom."

He nods his head and Lindsey buries herself into his embrace. She used to find solace in these arms. Like they protected her from the world. He doesn't question the fact that she's leaving a day before he needs to. That was her way of telling him she can't be around it any longer. Maybe if she gets away for a day or two things will be better. Maybe then can recover from this. Lindsey lets out a sob and he pales.

This is the end.

This is their downfall.

But once again Lucas's mind drifts to the blonde in the next room and how he wants to comfort her through all this.

_I wake up  
I grab my things  
As the waves keep  
Rollin' in  
I ask myself  
"Oh what's the point?"  
"What's the point of it all?"  
"What's the point?"_

As Peyton and Chris pass the closed door he throws his arm around her shoulder. She looks up at him and smiles briefly. They walk into their bedroom and Chris grabs his pajamas before telling her that he's changing in the bathroom. When the door closes she lets herself sulk.

After her fight with Lucas they both returned to the quiet table filled with theirs friends. Polite conversation was made and they smiled at all the right times. When it was time to leave the three blondes looked at each other uneasily before Chris announced they should all get a cab.

Peyton unzips her dress and it falls to the floor. She grabs the large t-shirt and slips it on; her shorts are next. She pulls the covers down for her side and sits on the sheets with her back up against the pillows.

She doesn't know how she got here. The pathetic girl who still pines away for an ex-boyfriend; a _married_ ex-boyfriend to boot. She shakes her head. It's not her fault. Brooke told her once, a long time ago, that you can't help who you fall in love with.

She's most definitely learning that the hard way.

All her friends are so happy and she's happy for them, but she's also jealous. Nathan and Haley have their perfect little family and she knows Brooke and Owen are on the same path. She just wishes she had something.

The door opens a second later and Chris walks through. He smiles at her and flicks the lights off. She has Chris, but it's not the same thing. Even if she and Chris got together it wouldn't be the same thing and she doesn't want to do that to him. She lies down and he does the same. A few minutes of silence goes by before Chris turns his head to look at her.

"You wanna tell me what's got you so sad?" he asks aloud into the dark room. She shrugs, even though he can't see it, he can feel her movements. "Peyton", he pries once more.

"I shouldn't have come back", she whispers. He frowns and she keeps talking. "I should have sent Karen a letter and stayed in LA. I'm ruining everything", her voice cracks and Chris reaches forward to pull her into his arms.

"You're not ruining anything! Karen is thrilled to have you here, you know that. And Brooke and Nathan and Haley have all missed you so much. Jamie and Lily love you."

"And Lucas and Lindsey are falling apart because of me", she voices her thoughts.

"That's not true", he counters. She shakes her head.

"It is. I'm ruining their marriage", she cries aloud. Chris's heart breaks for her. All he wants to do right now is march across the hall and beat the crap out of Lucas, but he thinks he may be having a similar conversation.

"Peyton, whatever is going on with them has nothing to do with you. They're married; they have their own issues –"

"And it's me! I'm Peyton Sawyer! He wrote a freaking book about me!"

"Two actually", he mutters with a smirk. She glares and the smirk is wiped from his face. He gets serious once more and looks her in the eyes. "Then that's his problem, not yours", he says forcefully as he hugs her close.

"I told him he was ruining my life", she mumbles against his t-shirt. He sighs and presses his head against hers.

"Is he?" he asks in interest. She shrugs. When she had said it she was trying to be vindictive, but looking back now it might be true. For so long she was so sure they would end up together. Life had different plans, but it seemed as if Lucas wasn't willing to accept them; even though he had picked them.

"I guess, sometimes", she lets out a loud breath. "I just don't know what to do anymore", she says hopelessly.

"Peyton, I can't –"

"I just wanna go back in time", she says as a sob wrecks her body. She remembers asking Lucas if they could do just that on his wedding day.

Chris doesn't have to ask where she would go. She has her pick of days; that hotel room, his wedding, the day she left, and so many more. He shakes his head; she's too young to have to deal with so much bullshit. He doesn't question any of it though.

He simply holds her close and lets her tears soak his shirt.

_Give me heart  
Just give me hope  
Give me love  
Just give me warmth  
Give me all I never knew  
Give me something  
To hold on to_

The wedding is only a few days away and everyone's excited for it. They're all together once more for a short dinner before the guys and girls head in opposite directions. An overdue night of the same sex; it was something Karen had said the other night. The eight friends all sit at the same table, a tension filled table.

"Soo", Brooke draws out. "This is fun", she mumbles as she picks at her food.

"I can't wait to get drunk", Nathan mumbles next. Haley elbows him and he winces slightly. Owen laughs and Brooke frowns before stepping on his foot. He furrows his brows in pain and Nathan laughs.

Peyton, Lucas, and Lindsey remain silent.

Chris clears his throat and places his napkin on the table. "Well, that was great", he smiles and some of the others nod their heads. A cell phone rings and Lindsey looks down shyly.

"Sorry", she mutters as she stands from the table. The second she leaves, they all let out a small breath. Nathan turns to Peyton and nods at her.

"Did you get Karen a gift?" he asks as he raises a brow. Peyton blinks once and then nods her head.

"Ye –" she has to stop to clear her throat; it's been so long since she's spoken that her voice is hoarse. "Yeah, I did. Did you?" she asks with a knowing smirk. It's the first glimmer of a smile she's shown all day and it makes Chris smile.

Too bad Lucas does too.

Nathan rolls his eyes and looks at his wife. "Haley thinks we should each get her our own gift", he says incredulously. "Think we could share?" he grins at her and she shakes her head.

"No way, hot shot. Mine is all my own – even Chris has to get his own present", she say while pointing at the man beside her.

"Oh, come on!" he pouts.

"I bet that's what he sounded like when he wanted to have sex", Brooke teases and Nathan glares at her. Haley laughs, but noticeably grimaces.

"Brooke!" Peyton admonishes.

The brunette shrugs. "Please, you've told me stories", at this both the ex's blush. "And it's not may fault you've slept with half the men at the table", she waves her hand around. Lucas sucks in a breath and Peyton bows her head.

Brooke bites her lips and knows she's gone too far once more. She narrows her eyes playfully and asks; "It is just half, right?" as she looks at Owen threateningly.

The rugged man chuckles and pulls Brooke against his side. "You're the only one at this table I've slept with", she smiles and hums happily.

"Too bad Brooke can't say the same", Chris mumbles as he sips his drink. Peyton raises a brow before the recollection hits.

"Oh, that's right", she says with a sweet smile. "Brooke, haven't you slept with . . ." she trails off as she glances at all four men sitting with them. "The entire table?"

Nathan chokes on his chicken and Lucas nearly spits out his drink. Haley's eyes widen and Chris simply smirks.

Brooke's mouth drops and Owen lets out a chuckle. "Keep laughing and I'll make sure you can never sleep with someone again", she threatens as she points at him. She snaps her head to stare at her best friend and a smirk forms.

"Touché, P. Sawyer."

"What is it you're getting Karen and Andy?" Haley asks in hopes of changing the topic. Peyton grins.

"Umm, it's the band actually. In the letter she sent me she mentioned that they hadn't found a good one yet. I thought she would like it", the blonde shrugs.

"What kind of band?" Owen asks as Brooke curls into his side once more.

"An old fashioned one. Like from the time of the 'big bands'. They'll sing oldies and they have the mini-orchestra. I think its great", she smiles.

"She'll love it", the blonde across from her speaks for the first time all night. Before she can respond music begins to play and a small brunette bounces up to the table.

"Luke, dance with me?" she asks as she juts out her bottom lip. The table gushes over her and Lucas smiles like only a truly proud big brother can. They both walk away and the other couples look at each other.

"Come on, Goldie; I'll even let you lead", he teases as he drags her to the dance floor.

She watches as he dances with Lily. She's cradled in his arms and when he spins them around she laughs loudly; the only way a small child can. Peyton's heart _aches_ for that. She can feel the tears coming and blinks rapidly to no avail. Chris raises his arm and wipes at the small collection of water in the corner of her eyes.

She looks down quickly, but he follows her gaze before she can truly tear her eyes away. He'll admit that the scene is heartwarming, but he knows that it means so much more to her then it would to the average person.

"Peyton, when are you going to tell him?" he asks exasperatedly. She looks at him with a confused face.

"Tell who what?" she feigns innocence. Chris sighs and shakes his head. This has to be one of the most stubborn women he's ever met, but he wouldn't change that for the world.

The songs ended by now, but they remain in each other's embrace. Lucas sets his younger sister on her feet and she scampers off to find Jamie. When he stands back up he sees Peyton and Chris still embraced and he can't stop the feeling that consumes him. He walks in their direction, only stopping to get his drink from their table.

"Tell Lucas that –"

"Tell Lucas what?" The well known voice asks as he stands near the couple. Peyton's eyes widen and Chris's face reddens. It's like they're two kids caught making out.

Peyton knows what Chris was trying to get at and she knows what he was going to say, but there's no way in Hell she can say those words aloud; not now anyway. Her mind races and she bites her lip. She needs to think of something, anything! Her eyes lock with Brooke and she takes a deep breath while grasping Chris's hand.

"Chris and I are engaged!"

Lucas chokes on his drink and Nathan lurches forward. Haley's mouth drops and Karen shakes her head in surprise. Chris looks at her with a dumbfounded expression.

The only one who doesn't seem surprised is Brooke; this much is apparent when she throws her hands in the air and yells 'woo'.

_Time goes by so slow  
When you're waiting  
For a rescue boat  
The water's getting cold_

The girls are all at TRIC; something Karen insisted on. Peyton sits at the bar and runs her finger around the rim of her glass. The last time she was here she was drinking away her sorrows. Then Lucas Scott came in and tried to play the savior.

Here she is tonight, secretly wishing he'd rescue her from it all.

"So, when were you gonna tell us you and Chris were a couple?" Peyton looks over at Haley and ponders about what to do. Lie and make it seem normal, or tell her the truth and seem crazy.

"We've been on and off for a while", she says easily. Haley nods in acceptance, but once Peyton looks into her concerned, motherly eyes her façade fades.

"I know, it's a childish thing to do", she begins and Haley tries to interject; Peyton doesn't let her. "I just didn't want to seem so entirely pathetic this entire trip", she mumbles as she finishes off her drink.

"Sweetie, you're not pathetic", Peyton eyes her and Haley laughs softly. "You're not – it's hard to lose someone you love and it's even harder to have to look at them everyday."

"How would you know? You have everything you ever wanted", she doesn't mean to sound bitter, but that's exactly how it comes out. Her brunette friend reels back slightly.

"I have a lot of things that I want, but it's not everything", she counters. Brooke walks over to them at the exact moment and sits on the other side of Peyton.

"Well well, if it isn't Julianne", the brunette chides in reference to Julia Roberts character in _My_ _Best Friends Wedding_. Peyton blushes and bows her head. Finally, Brooke catches on to the mood in the air.

"What's with the gloomy convo, girlies?" she rasps as she motions for another drink. Peyton huffs and Haley answers her. The last thing Peyton wants is to turn this into a night about her.

"P. Sawyer", Brooke says softly. It reminds her of the way she would call out to her right after her mom died. Gently and caring and . . . maternal. "You have a record label that's doing great. You have your friends and you have _me_", she says with a cheeky smile.

Peyton smiles too, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I know that, and I love you all, but remember the phone call we had right before we both came back", Brooke nods and Haley simply watches. "I want happiness and I won't find it in fame, or money, or power, or my accomplishments; it's not enough", she whispers with a thick voice.

"Well then what is?" Brooke asks with tears in her eyes as she slings her arm over her best friends shoulder.

"Love", Peyton answers simply. Haley rests her head on Peyton's shoulder and the blonde laughs foolishly. "God, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a Debbie Downer", she says as she wipes at her eyes.

"Don't apologize", Haley scolds. "We are always here for you", she says seriously. "Even Nathan, he's been dying to spend time with you", they both laugh and Peyton nods.

"What's got my girls so depressed?" Karen asks as she bounds over to them. Peyton smiles at the term of endearment that leaves Karen's mouth. It means a lot to her that the older woman still cares so much for her.

Peyton looks at her and thinks about all the things she's overcome and accomplished. Karen Roe is the definition of a warrior and Peyton admires her daily for it. She didn't know her true love was in front of her and by the time she did, it was all ripped away from her. Maybe people don't get their happily ever after's; their true horse rides into the sunset, but they can _make_ them. And that's exactly what Karen's doing.

"You're getting married", Peyton whispers. They lock eyes and Karen smiles; although there's a bit of sadness to it. She's probably thinking about what this all _could_ _have_ been like.

"Yes I am", she whispers, "But so are you", she says pointedly and Peyton has to look away. She's never been able to lie to Karen. The older woman makes a knowing face and looks around at the three girls she's watched mature into strong women. "I'm really glad that you're all here for this", she says while grabbing Peyton's hand and pulling Haley to her side with her free arm; she sticks her elbow out to Brooke and the brunette links her arm through it.

Peyton catches Lindsey's eye and suddenly feels guilty for having such an intimate moment with her mother-in-law. "You know, I think I'm gonna call it a night", she says while polishing off her champagne. She slides off her stool and Karen raises a brow.

"You want me to call the limo?" Peyton smiles gratefully and shakes her head. It's odd to hear Karen talk of such luxuries. She has no doubt in her mind that Andy will make sure he takes care of her for the rest of their lives together.

"The walk will be good for me", she whispers. Karen grins and pulls her into a hug.

"I'll see you in the morning."

When Peyton turns to leave she locks eyes with Lindsey. It's at least a minute before the brunette has to look away.

So much for saying goodbye to her.

_And the ocean  
Is not a home  
When you feel it  
All alone  
Well it's time to let you go  
Let you go  
Let you go_

All the men walk into the Blue Post. It's gotten a makeover in the last few years and it's actually a pretty nice establishment; definitely better then the dive bar most of them frequented as teens.

"First rounds on me", Nathan shouts as he heads to the bar. The others follow; Lucas seizes the opportunity.

"So Chris", he starts just as they reach the wooden stools. Nathan and Owen eye him warily. "How come neither of you mentioned you were dating?"

The blonde looks at him and purses his lips. He doesn't want to play along with this, but it's for Peyton, so he will. "We've been on and off for a while now, I decided it was time to stop playing games", he glances at Lucas on purpose and continues. "We've been engaged for a while, but she didn't wanna ruin your mother's week."

"Nonsense", Andy cuts in; the drinks at dinner and the rapid fire shots have taken over. "It's great. Love should be celebrated!" he yells and everyone, Lucas included laughs. They all know Andy's wanted this for a while.

It's great that his dreams are coming true.

"She doesn't wear a ring", Lucas returns to their conversation. Nathan looks at Chris wondering how this could end well.

"Don't need it", he says simply. Lucas throws back a shot and motions for another. "I know I love her and I know she loves me", his words are so sure that Lucas has to suck in a breath. He feels like he's been punched in the gut. He grimaces as the amber liquid burns his throat.

"What made you finally do it?" Owen asks. He doesn't drink; hasn't touched one in years, so he's really only coming along on these things for the simple act of bonding with everyone. He knows Lucas and Nathan and even Andy well, but this Keller is still new.

Chris takes in a deep breath. When he speaks it's from his heart. "I just love her. Nothing more or less to it. I got tired of running and hiding and playing games, we're both too old for that crap."

Lucas has thrown back two more shots by the time Chris is done talking and after his little speech both blondes have two more. Lucas's head is suddenly pounding; thoughts and words and images clouding his mind. He glances at the clock in front of him and nods; it's been a few hours.

"I think I'm gonna go home", he slurs to his younger brother. Nathan claps him on the back.

"You want me to get you a cab?" he asks hesitantly. Nathan knows these past few hours – days – haven't really been easy on or for his older brother. Lucas shakes his head. He needs the fresh air.

"Alright, I've seen this Slam-ball thing on TV and I've seen the pictures Peyton has, but I wanna experience it", Chris says while looking at the rugged bar tender beside him.

"It can get kind of intense", Owen says with a smirk. He doesn't know Chris too well, but he's pretty sure the kid will snap in half. "And the gym's locked up", he adds after. Nathan shakes his head.

"I've got the keys", he says with a smile as he dangles them in the air. Owen rolls his eyes.

"Coaches pet", he mutters. Nathan smirks and shakes his head.

"Lead scorer", he fires out a comeback. Owen makes a noise and shoves him jokingly. They look at Chris and the musician stands from the stool; a bit wobbly.

"What are we waiting for?" he asks as he holds his arms out. Nathan shrugs and glances back at his brother asking a silent question. Lucas shakes his head, right now he needs to go home and be alone with his thoughts.

As they walk down the block; in the opposite direction, he can hear Chris say, "Don't beat me up too bad, I've got a fiancée to go home to."

_All I ever really wanted was to  
All I ever really wanted was to  
All I ever really wanted was to  
Dream_

When Peyton enters the house the first thing she notices is the quiet. She's the only one here and she lets out a breath of relief. She walks past Lucas's bedroom and hovers in the doorway. For a split second she can imagine what her life would be. Coming home and resting on the bed maybe a toddler or two would climb up there with her. She raises her foot, about to step inside when her judgment takes over.

Can you say _Fatal_ _Attraction_?

When she hits the archway she's hit with the memory she told Chris the other night. She walks forward and sits on the edge of the bed. A sad smile on her lips.

_When Lucas walked into the room she knew it was time to turn on the charm. "It's nice in here", she said with a sweet smile as she played with a pillow. Lucas folded his arms over his chest and looked around the space. "Maybe we should move into the master bedroom."_

_Karen had been at the café all day and Lily's been sleeping for most of it, so the teens; left to their own devices had spent most of the day talking about the future – _their_ future._

"_You mean my mom's room?" he asked with a raised brow._

"_No, I mean the master bedroom. I mean she's gonna give you the house, right?" she held a hand up in questioning._

"_Yeaah, it would just be . . . too weird to sleep in here as an adult", he said while shaking the invisible creepy thoughts from his body. He sat beside her and she crawled over to him. _

_She lowered her voice an octave and said huskily, "Who said anything about sleeping", he jumped from the bed and her mouth dropped to a disbelieving gape._

"_Ohhh no", he wagged his finger at her, much like scolding a puppy, "Definitely out of the question."_

"_Luke, we'll be adults. Shouldn't we sleep in the adult room?" she asked._

"_Who'd be asking?" he asked as he folded his arms once more. "You or some stupid magazine hmm?" the other day Brooke made her read a ridiculous article about moving in with your significant other and the obstacles you'll face. He was clearly still thanking her for it._

"_Whichever one would get you to do it", she said with a smile that made him melt. He sat back down and his shoulders slouched faintly._

"_I would tell the magazine that my rooms bigger and I like it better", he said childishly, but made them sound like perfectly valid points. He sobered a bit and sighed, "and I would tell Peyton that – that I would do anything for her, even something as _creepy_ as sleeping in my moms room."_

_He looked down at her and she nodded. "Well, then I guess I'd be asking."_

"_Then I guess I'd be moving", he complied as he wrapped his arm around her and they fell onto the bed._

She climbs up to the head of the bed and rests against the pillow. That day still seems so fresh. It was a fun day for them. They let go of all the drama and dark clouds that seemed to follow them and laughed like the two teens they were. It was the best time they spent together before she left. Her eyes close and she goes back to that same memory. A laugh quickly fills her throat.

_Peyton's laughter filled the small room. It had been nearly five minutes straight and Lucas was a little more then irritated. _

"_It's not funny", he grumbled with his arms folded over his bare chest. Peyton tried to stop laughing._

"_I'm sorry", she said with a red face. "I'm only laughing because of how angry you got "I've just never heard anyone yell at it before", she said with a laugh still in her throat._

_He turned his head to the side and her mirth died down. "Oh baby, it is not a big deal. It happens to lots of guys", she said reassuringly as she rubbed his bicep._

"_And it wouldn't have happened at all if we weren't in my moms bed", he snapped at her. Her hand left his arm and he looked at her. "This is your fault", he spat out. She raised her brows and looked at him._

"_Well, you have _never_ complained before", she said confidently. Up until that point their sex life was pretty incredibly._

"_I'm talking about your stupid obsession with that damn magazine", he looked forward once more._

"_Oh my God, I'm sure the magazine is going to work to prepare me for the future, I just wish it could have prepared me for this", she broke off into laughter once more and slapped his shoulder._

_He nodded his head. "Okay, alright . . . okay." He grabbed his cell phone and flipped it open. _

"_What are you doing?" she asked in confusion._

"_Well, it seems I've made a huge mistake, I'm calling Brooke", her face fell for a moment, but she recovered quickly; secure in their relationship._

"_Fine . . . but she wouldn't put up with this either", she said as she laughed and stood from the bed._

She doesn't know when her laughter turns into tears, but by the time her daydream is over her pillow is sufficiently damp and her makeup is trailing down her cheeks. She hates herself for it. She's so tired of all of this. Of the guilt, the loneliness, the empty feeling.

_Give me heart  
Just give me hope  
Give me love  
Just give me warmth  
Give me all I never knew  
Give me something  
To hold on to_

He walks in through the front door; not entirely uncommon, but a bit out of character. He just wants to take a few moments before entering his empty bedroom. This also gives him a moment to reflect on the 'what if's' of life. He shuts the door behind him and a bare spot on the wall catches his eye.

He goes back to a day in their senior year; about two weeks before Peyton left. They got into a conversation about eventually living together. He knows for sure that if she was with him now a framed version of her _Friends With Benefits_ album cover would be hanging there. It just feels right.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. He needs to stop thinking these things. he turns and walks down the hall, but knows he'll never stop thinking about his 'what if' life with Peyton because when he sees a frames picture of Lindsey he thinks that he could find a perfect piece of her art to go in place of that.

He rushes past her bedroom door, but he can still hear the muffled sobs. He can't focus on those; it hurts him too much. He literally runs into his bedroom and slams his door shut behind him. He leans his back against it and takes a breath before pushing away from the wood and stripping himself of his clothes as he falls into bed.

He lies in bed and stares up at the ceiling. He's alone in his big bed that once seemed too small for two people; three for that one week after Peyton and Brooke were attacked. He sighs loudly; wishing he had more to drink earlier. He glances to his cell phone before reverting his eyes. He shakes his foot and his fingers twitch. Without giving himself a chance to think it through his arm reaches over and he flips his cell phone open.

His finger pushes the speed dial; number 3.

He cannot believe he's calling her. He must be a fool. She probably won't even answer and he doesn't blame her. What could they even talk about?

It rings a few times and he's just about to hang up when it stops ringing. She doesn't say anything, but he can hear her breathing softly. It's like music to his ears and he closes his eyes. He's wanted to talk to her all day and now that he has the chance his speech is completely forgotten. There's only one thing that comes to mind;

"I'm sorry", he whispers hoarsely.

He can picture her rolling her eyes because that's one of the most overused phrases in his vocabulary. But he is. He's so sorry, he'll never stop being sorry.

"_For what?_"

He knows if it were a different circumstance she would be sporting a smirk and a cynically raised eyebrow, but all he can hear are the broken words and the shaky breath she takes. He's screwed up so much with her that she's simply wondering what he could be apologizing for this time.

"All sorts of things."

From the other end of the phone he hears her take in a sharp breath.

_Give me heart  
Just give me hope  
Give me love  
Just give me warmth  
Give me all I never knew  
Give me something  
To hold on to_

She holds the phone to her ear and clamps her eyes shut. He **would** use those words at a time like this. Before she can respond she hears the rustling of his sheets and his door creak open.

"_You're not ruining my marriage"_, his words are firm, wanting to reassure her that he hadn't meant what he said. _"I guess a part of me wanted to blame you because it's easier then stepping back and wondering what's _so_ wrong with us."_

"Nothing's wrong with you. Either of you", she says softly. He laughs without humor and she can hear him coming down the hall. Her heart rate picks up.

"_I can't let you talk me out of this",_ she can hear him perfectly by now. They don't need the phones to talk, but he doesn't seem to want to hang up anytime soon. _"I don't know what kind of karmic monster I was in a past life", _he mumbles as he faces her door.

Those words bring her back to junior year. Her world had been turned upside down and she was walking with Haley down the street. Her best friend was dating the boy she loved. The slight glimmer of hope in her world was good ole' Haley James telling her Brooke and Lucas weren't an epic romance. Because that meant she and Lucas were.

"A siren that lured in sailors and then killed them on the rocks", she mumbles with a laugh. He raises a brow and rests his forehead against the door. Her laugh is enough to make him laugh.

"_What?"_ he's still laughing, even as she stops. She shakes her head and clears her throat.

"Nothing", a silence passes between them and since he was honest she figures she should be too. "You're not ruining my life."

He's still lightly pressed against the door and her words cause a loud breath to leave his mouth. The doors are old and so when he rests his back against it, it moves against the lock. The pressure is obvious as he slides down the door and pulls his knees to his chest.

"_Peyt"_, he breathes out. She shivers at the nickname, but pushes past it.

"I mean, it's been pretty sucky", she clarifies, "but not ruined. I don't think you could ever ruin my life, Luke", the shortened version of his names rolls off her lips so perfectly that it causes his heart to race.

"_I don't think you'll ever know how sorry I am"_, he whispers. She can feel her eyes burn, but she blinks them rapidly. She stands from the bed and slowly walks to the door. He can hear the floor creak with her movements.

"_And now you're getting married"_, he says in disbelief. Her feet give out from beneath her and when she hits the floor hard Lucas's eyes widen.

"I'm fine", she says quickly; knowing him well enough to know his worries. It quiet again for a while and she takes a deep breath as she pulls her knees up to her chest. "Sometimes I wish I had that time machine", she admits.

"_Yeah"_, he laughs and makes a face, _"But then you wouldn't have Chris."_

She doesn't know if it's an attempted dig, but it makes her heart ache all the same. She knows it's not really fair to fake an engagement for the sake of being mildly spiteful. She considers telling him the truth now, but hearing the hurt and jealousy in his voice boosts her bruised ego.

"Yeah", she whispers with a hoarse voice. For some reason tears prick his eyes and he has to swallow hard to push back the burning in his throat. "But then I'd have you", she says simply, like that's the answer to the worlds greatest mystery.

The tears roll down his cheeks silently and he shakes his head. They could have been something great. _"You have me"_, he says softly. She shuts her eyes, but a few tears fall anyway.

She'll never be able to fully understand them. They hurt each other, really badly. They'll scream and yell and name call. At the end of the day though, they'll always be there for each other because **it's** always going to be there. She opens her mouth, but he must hear the deep breath she takes because he speaks again;

"_You have me, Peyton."_

_Give me heart  
Just give me hope  
Give me love  
Just give me warmth  
Give me all I never knew  
Give me something  
To hold on to_

* * *

Let me know what you think!

I intended the LP convo to go differently (I'm a little unsure about it now), but I wanted to leave it there. They'll have it out next chapter.


	6. This Heartbreak World of Just Imagine

**I own nothing, not even "Heartbreak World" by Matt Nathanson.**

Thanks so much for all your amazing reviews! As for the fake engagement, clearly Brooke knows it's not true and Haley also. The only person who truly believes its happening is Lucas.

This song is _amazing_; I've known I wanted to use it for this chapter since I was writing the second one. His entire album is perfection. I may use some other songs in later chapters.

* * *

_Lets all pack up and move this year  
We'll slip the liars and disappear  
Leave memories for auctioneers  
And those just standing still_

"Knock, knock", Haley James Scott says as she opens her best friends kitchen door. The smile she was sporting fades as she looks at her broken blonde friend. He's sitting at the kitchen table; completely zoned into a different world.

He hasn't taken his eyes off the hallway since he woke up; in his own bed. That was the first thing that freaked him out. He knows for a fact he fell asleep in front of Peyton's door. He just doesn't remember how he got from there to his bed.

"Luke", he hears Haley murmur and he snaps his head around to look at her. Her eyes are concerned and he must look sickly because she places her hand onto his forehead.

"I'm fine", he mutters. He pulls away from her gesture and turns his eyes back to the hall. Haley sighs and sits beside him.

"What're looking at?" she asks in interest, even though she has a pretty good idea. It isn't until he really listens to her that it becomes clear. He knows why Chris is passed out on the couch and he can remember how he got into his bed.

Nathan.

"Did Nathan go home last night?" she shakes her head.

"He called pretty late, said he was staying here", she says as she glances down the hall. She can faintly make out the top of the head that's resting on the couch and she knows it isn't her husbands.

"I think he's in Peyton's room", Lucas mumbles when he notices her staring. "Although, I don't know how Chris will like that", he says angrily.

"I don't think Chris will be getting up anytime soon", she says with a laugh as she remembers Nathan's rundown of their activities. Lucas heaves a great sigh and leans back against the chair. Haley pushes her chair towards him and places her elbow on the table; head in the palm of her hand, as she stares at him.

"What?" he asks exasperatedly. He hates it when she looks at him like that. He hates it when everyone looks at him like that; it happens too often. That notion makes him frown.

Haley pulls on his arm and he reluctantly leans his head on her shoulder. She rests her head atop his and wraps her arm around his shoulders. It's like when she holds Jamie after he's had a nightmare. It's then that she realizes Lucas is dealing with his own nightmare.

He just can't wake up from it.

"Lucas, I know you really loved Lindsey –"

"_Love_", he corrects. "I love her, Hales. Stop using the past tense, she's still my wife."

"For how much longer", it's a tough statement, but he shouldn't expect anything less. Haley's never been one to give him an easy way out. He closes his eyes and Haley sighs. Her thoughts and eyes drift to that door down the hall.

"She's really hurt Luke and the past few months have been really hard on her –"

He instantly knows they're no longer talking about Lindsey. "They've been hard on me too", he argues. Haley opens her mouth to argue with that, but she closes it quickly. She knows that this hasn't been the easiest year for him either and it wouldn't be fair to argue otherwise.

"I never meant to hurt her", he whispers. Haley strokes the side of his face.

"I know."

"I would never intentionally hurt her", Haley stiffens for a second, but Lucas feels it. "I wouldn't . . . I didn't. Don't. I don't intentionally hurt her", he says forcefully. He can tell she still doesn't have faith in that statement and he shakes his head.

He thinks back to the last year – five years – and he knows why.

He's done exactly that.

"It doesn't matter", he rasps. "She's engaged; she's found her happiness."

Haley frowns. She knows the truth about that situation, but it isn't her place to say anything. Even if it is killing her best friend. On that day on the Rivercourt, where they were all so happy and young, if someone had told her this would be the lives of her two friends, she would have laughed in their face.

She's so far from laughing that she actually feels like crying.

It isn't fair; to either of them. They went through so much before getting together and then overcame _so_ much to be together. She really thought they'd get it. They'd get the perfect ending. The happy marriage, the two kids – a boy and a girl – a dog in the yard and a white picket fence. Lucas's words break her from her thoughts;

"I think I love her", he whispers as he raises his head to look into her eyes. There's something in that statement that Haley _can_ argue. It's something that she learned in high school. Something that's never failed and never wavered.

"You've never stopped", his eyes turn cold and his lip curls up into a snarl, but he can't argue it. The words get stuck in his throat and he swallows them back down. The gulping sound echoes through his kitchen.

He was afraid she was gonna say that.

_They'll miss the taste of wanting you  
Call out your name like I still do  
But they haven't said a word that's true  
And they only hold you down_

He lies on the opposite side of the bed with his hands tucked under his head. He hears a murmur beside him and glances at her before remembering she talks in her sleep. He can't completely make it out, but it sounds close to something Lucas related.

When he dragged Chris home last night he dropped the musician onto the couch before heading down the hall; he was hoping to talk to Peyton. He stopped in his tracks when he found his older brother asleep on the floor with his cell phone clutched in his hand. After taking the device and putting him into bed he gently opened Peyton's door.

She was in the same position so he opened it enough for him to slip through. He picked her up and placed her into bed then lay beside her. After a quick call to Haley it was decided; there was no way he was leaving.

Peyton groans as the sunlight hits her eyes and she rolls in her sleep. She unknowingly curls into Nathan's body and he smiles as he makes room for her in the crook of his arm. She breathes in deeply. She knows that smell. It's too burly to be Chris's; it's a Scott's smell. She hasn't woken up to it since she was sixteen, but she could never forget it.

"Nathan Scott", she mumbles against his chest.

"Morning sunshine", he says cheerily. She groans once more and hangs her arm across his torso. "I don't know if your fiancé would like this picture", he says pointedly.

"Shut up, Nathan", she grumbles into his warm body. She can picture his smirk perfectly and it pisses her off.

"I'm just saying I wouldn't like it if my fiancée was in bed with her famous, sexy, talented, did I say sexy, ex-boyfriend."

It isn't lost on her that he stresses the word fiancé and stresses the fact that she's engaged – or supposed to be engaged. She pushes away from him and rolls back to her side, but not before muttering an obscene curse.

"Now, now", he chides as he rolls closer to her and wraps his arms around her. "I'm only teasing", he mutters into her ear. She nudges him away with her shoulder and with a sigh he returns to his side of the bed. He seems to have gone too far.

In the time it takes him to count to 15 she's on her back, facing the ceiling. By the time he counts to 45 she's opening her mouth.

"Look, I know it's stupid, but I don't really care", her voice his hoarse from crying most of the night so she clears it and talks again. "The look on his face was enough to make me not care", she says with a shrug.

"Peyton", he says her name with disappointment. She knows the lecture is coming. Somewhere in the few years since high school Nathan's gained a conscience and constantly feels the need to preach about it.

She has to thank Haley later.

"Where is Chris?" she asks in an attempt to change the topic.

"On the couch", Nathan says with a laugh. "He got pretty drunk last night and mildly beat up", he mutters the last part. Peyton looks at him and he continues quickly. "We went to the Slam-ball gym", her eyes widen.

"He's fine", he says as he grabs her arm to keep her from checking on him. "Besides, whatever Owen and I _accidentally_ did to him is nothing compared to what you're doing", he growls out and she's taken aback for a second.

"What the Hell does that mean?" she asks defensively. Nathan rolls his eyes. She avoids this conversation with everyone, but he knows she'd rather be in here then out there.

"Peyton, Chris is head over heels for you", he feels like he's pointing out the obvious. She scoffs and stands from the bed. "I wouldn't go out there if I were you, Haley's talking to Luke."

Peyton groans and plops back down beside him. "What is this? Some kind of intervention?"

"Peyton, talk to me", he requests softly. She crawls over to him and rests her head on his chest once more.

"It's just that . . . he's married you know?" he rests his chin atop her head. "It shouldn't matter to him who I'm with or any of that, but it still does and it kills me", she's says honestly. "And as for Chris, I know it isn't fair to him. I'll talk to him later", she promises.

He can feel the few silent tears hit his shirt and he frowns. His brother is the one who should be comforting her. He's her freaking savior. He jumped in her car to stop her from running red lights. He punched a random guy at a party for drugging her. He ran into a school with a gunman. He fought off a crazed stalker.

He's never felt more anger towards Lucas then he feels right now. He has to figure out a way to make things right. Peyton doesn't deserve to have her heart repeatedly stomped on. She's been through a lot of heartache in her life and he's admittedly added to that, but none of it compares to what she's going through now. He's still mulling over thoughts of how to kill his brother when Peyton's voice rings through his ears;

"I still love him", she whispers with a thick voice. Nathan holds her a little closer; wanting to protect her from the pain that statement brings. He hates that his best friend is so broken and vulnerable. But he can't argue with her. Instead he nods and says something his wife has just told her best friend.

"You'll never stop."

Peyton whimpers. She was afraid he was gonna say that.

_And this heartbreak world  
Of just imagine  
With tired talk of better days  
And this heartbreak world  
Where nothing matters  
Come on lets make this dream that's barely half awake come true_

"Alright munchkins, let's go", Peyton hollers as she stands at the Scott's door. Haley smiles and turns the knob. Peyton's made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to talk about anything that's taken place these past few days, especially yesterday. She's sure Nathan filled her in on everything anyway.

"Thank you so much for this", she says with true appreciation. Peyton waves her off.

"I love these kids", she says with a laugh as Jamie and Lily come barreling towards the front door. As usual, the blonde had nothing to do so when Nathan called and asked her to watch the kids for a few hours she had no excuse not to do it.

"It's only for a few hours", Haley promises. "I just really need this spa day, Karen does too", she says and they both laugh. Wedding planning had taken its toll on the bride and her matron of honor. It was part of Haley's present to Karen – a girl's day out, just the two of them. Nathan was taking Andy golfing and then somewhere else; she kind of tuned him out.

"Take as much time as you need", Peyton waves a hand at her. "I don't mind at all", as the sentence leaves her mouth James runs to her legs and hugs her tightly.

"Are you ready to have the best day ever?" he asks as he looks up at her. She smiles and then glances at Lily. The small girl smiles shyly and hides behind Haley's legs. She's made some progress, but she's still timid around Peyton. It breaks her heart considering she was one of the first people to hold her after she was born. She understands it though. Peyton hasn't been around in years and now she's being forced upon her.

"I don't know", Peyton says as she picks him up. "Are you ready for it Lily?" she asks with a grin and raises an eyebrow. The small girl giggles and walks over to Peyton. She eyes her for a minute and looks back at Haley before reaching her hand up in the air. Peyton lets out a breath and clasps her hand with the small, sticky one.

"The life I could have had", Nathan teases as he jogs down the stairs. Both women frown and then Peyton scoffs.

"Please", she says with a roll of her eyes. Nathan laughs and pulls Haley in for a kiss. She can hear a murmur of their infamous 'Always and Forever' love declaration and she smiles. Nathan kisses his son and leans down to kiss Lily before placing a kiss to Peyton's forehead. He's out the door in a flash.

"You guys are movers huh?" she teases. Haley laughs and glances at the clock in the kitchen. Peyton gets the hint and with one last goodbye, the three of them are heading down the walkway.

A kid is on either side; their hands are clasped through hers and for a second Peyton has to catch a breath. She always said the maternal instinct didn't run through her veins, but right now she feels like a total mama bear. If someone even tries to endanger these two little angels she will attack. She shakes her head and smiles once more.

"Alright, what do you guys wanna do?" she asks and in a flash two separate things happen. James drops her hand and runs to the front of the yard; in the direction of an orange ball. Lily keeps a firm hold of her hand, but stands in front of her and jumps up and down excitedly.

"Rivercourt!"

"Ice cream!"

She's almost sorry she asked.

"Okay, well let's get some ice cream", Lily grins, "and then we can head over to the Rivercourt", Jamie beams and runs back over to her.

"This is the best day ever", Peyton hears Lily whisper and it makes her heart melt.

They walk down the blocks of the town she lived in. Even though she's been back for almost an entire week, she hasn't had time to do this. It's nice to be able to see something and picture the memory, but it's also painful.

The three of them head to the Rivercourt, a place she knows will more then likely make her hyperventilate. Jamie and Lily each have an ice cream cone, much to her displeasure. By the time they make it to the blacktop Lily has strawberry running down her hand up to her elbow and James has a severe amount of chocolate across his face some may even be up his nose. She shakes her head and puts the basketball on the ground before telling both of them to sit on the bleachers.

"Jeez, you guys are messy", she says as she pulls a wipe out from her pocket; something Haley told her she should have. James makes a face as she wipes at the chocolate and Lily gladly holds out her hand.

"Can we play ball?" James asks as he sits on the bleachers with his head in his hand. Peyton laughs.

"I haven't played in a while kiddo", James raises his brows.

"You used to play?" he asks in interest. Peyton stops cleaning Lily's hand momentarily and nods her head.

"Yeah, your dad used to make me practice with him", she grumbles. She still remembers the days she would get up at 5 a.m. with Nathan because Dan was busting his chops.

"You dated daddy?" James asks with a half shocked half confused expression. Peyton twists her lips pensively.

"Uhh, yeah I did, buddy, but it was a long time ago. Way before he knew your mom", she says simply and James looks satisfied with that answer because he nods and runs to the court; ball in hand.

"Peyton", Lily says her name softly. The blonde looks up at the little girl, but continues to clean her fingers.

"What's up Lily pad?" she asks and the tiny brunette smiles. After hearing Peyton call James by his affectionate nickname she not so subtly requested one too.

"Can I sit in your lap?" she asks timidly. Peyton grins and feels her heart soar. She finishes cleaning her hands and nods. Lily smiles back and climbs atop her long legs. Peyton leans down and whispers something into Lily's ear and the small girl dissolves into a fit of giggles. James shoots the ball and it swishes threw the net. They both cheer him on.

This is how Lucas sees her.

_Let's move out of Los Angeles  
And just drive until this summer gives  
And forget the lives we use to live  
'Cause we're gone_

It's exactly how he imagined his life. The only difference is that their daughter would have blonde curls and intense green eyes. He apprehensively walks forward. It's been a full day since that night he talked with Peyton and she's successfully avoided him. Honestly, they've avoided _each other_.

"What's this?" he asks loudly as he steps onto the familiar blacktop. Both children yell in delight at the entrance of him and Peyton feels herself grow uncomfortable. Before Lucas has a chance to walk over to the bleachers James is yelling out for him.

"Uncle Luke, play with me!" Lucas smiles and nods his head.

"How about we get a game going?" he asks as he looks at the two girls on the bleachers. The brunette; the Scott, jumps from Peyton's lap and runs down the metal stairs. Peyton grumbles before following after her. The last thing she wants to do is play a game of basketball against Lucas.

"We're gonna kick your butts!" Lily yells as she runs onto the court. Peyton runs behind her and lifts the six and a half year old in the air; her arms wrapping around her waist. Lily throws her head back and Peyton looks at Lucas. A silent agreement passes between them.

Put their issues aside for now.

"Yeah right", Jamie snickers back as he looks up at his Uncle. "You're gonna get schooled!"

Peyton rolls her eyes. Just like his father.

"I don't know about that Baby James", she says with smirk. Lucas makes a noise and Peyton frowns. Lucas catches her eyes and he shrugs. She puts Lily on her feet and she scrambles to stand in front of her cousin.

"Are you forgetting the days we spent here?" he asks with a sly smirk. She knows he means the times he tried to get her to play against him and the times she failed to shoot a free throw, but that's not the picture that comes to mind at all.

All she remembers are the days she sat on the bleachers and drew while Lucas shot around. The nights she and Lucas laid on the court and stared at the stars. That cool evening where they officially became alumni of Tree Hill High and she personally cheered him on for the last time.

"Come on Lily pad", at the mention of a nickname Lucas smiles. He always hoped his sister and Peyton would have a bond. "We've got some **butts** to kick." Lily squeals and the game begins.

For this time it's not about the heartache and the pain. It's simple and it's easy. Its calm and its fun.

It's Lucas and Peyton.

It's everything they used to be.

It's everything they desperately want back.

_And this heartbreak world  
Of just imagine  
With its tired talk of better days  
And this heartbreak world  
Where nothing matters  
Come on lets make this dream that's barely half awake come true_

Two days later they're all sitting under a tent celebrating the marriage of Karen Roe and Andrew Hargrove. It's beautiful, that's the only thought Peyton can form. The tea-lights are everywhere and a chandelier hangs from the center. It's elegant and mildly extravagant, but it's everything Karen deserves.

She and all her friends are sitting at the same table, with the exception of Haley and Lucas. They're at the front of the room with the new bride and groom. An arm drapes across her chair and breaks her from her thoughts. She looks over at Chris and smiles weakly.

She hasn't really talked to him the last few days. She knows she told Nathan she would, but it's going to end so badly and she doesn't want to lose him as a friend. He's too important to her.

"I love weddings", Brooke says dreamily. Owen tenses and Brooke frowns. "Relax, Romeo", she snarls out. He slouches slightly and pulls her chair closer to his. It's not exactly a secret that Owen is still a bit of a commitment-phobe, but he doesn't want it to ruin the night. After a minute Brooke gives in and rests her head on his shoulder.

"Karen seems to love the band", Owen says with a smile. Peyton looks over at the older woman and smiles one of her only genuine smiles of the night. Karen's danced to every song that they've played, even if she was dancing alone. Nathan makes a noise and Peyton stares at him with a raised brow.

"I **cannot** believe Lindsey isn't here", he says as he shakes his head. Peyton looks away, but that's a mistake because she's met with Lucas's piercing gaze. As soon as he notices she notices he's staring he turns a bright red and looks away.

It's cute.

It be even cuter if he weren't married.

"You okay?" Chris asks softly as he places his hand on her thigh and furrows his brows. She prepares to nod her head and smile fakely; tell him she's fine, but instead she takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"Let's go for a walk", she whispers. He nods and takes her hand as they stand. She shivers and Chris; always the gentleman, takes his suit jacket off and places it around her shoulders. She thanks him and slips her arms through. Her chill had nothing to do with a breeze.

And everything to do with the pair of blue eyes that watch her leave.

They leave the tent and walk around the grass to a small patio overlooking the water. The moon reflects off the glass like ocean and the stars twinkle brightly. It's incredibly romantic and Peyton wants to kick herself.

"Listen, we haven't had a chance to talk about our . . ."

"Engagement?" he finishes with a smirk. She closes her eyes and nods her head.

"I know that I kind of backed you into a corner with it –"

"I don't mind", he says and smiles like a child on Christmas. "It's been fun", he whispers as he ducks his head and she knows he's trying to hide a blush. Chris Keller doesn't blush.

"Chris, I'm –"

"Dance with me", he requests softly. She hasn't even the far off melody drifting from beneath the tent until now. She nods her head and curls one hand around his neck while the other locks with his rough hand. Considering she's about to make his walls crumble she figures it's the least she could do.

"Like I was trying to say", she whispers as they sway to the music. "You've been great these past months, I honestly don't know what I'd do without you", she laughs and then stops. She's completely setting him up for heartbreak. "What I mean is –"

She doesn't have a chance to finish her sentence because Chris presses his lips against hers. It's timid and chaste and not at all how she would have expected him to kiss. He pulls away from her and searches her eyes carefully.

"You're a great friend", she whispers the end of her sentence. He pulls away from her and throws his head back. A bitter laugh escapes his lips.

"I'm an idiot!" he yells into the night.

She shakes her head. The past few days they've done perfectly couple-like things. They held hands. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Peyton's even kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair. He's not the only one at fault here.

"You're not –"

"And now you know I have feelings for you", he says while shaking his head. Her eyes turn guilty. "You knew?"

"No, not until Nathan said something –"

"Nathan knows?! This is great! Just great", he mutters as he kicks his foot through the air.

"Chris, please" she says and reaches her arm out to grasp his forearm. He recoils before she can touch him and her face falls.

"I can't do this anymore", he mumbles as he looks at her. "Us, you, Tree Hill", he clarifies. "_This_", he says while motioning between them. "I just can't."

"I don't want you to go", she whispers because she knows how this is going to end. He's going to go back in there and smile politely. He'll tell everyone he needs to leave because something came up. He'll kiss Karen and the girls and shake Andy's hand.

"Could you ever feel for me the things you feel for him?" he asks in a small voice. She's broken from her thoughts about what a great man he is and takes on a whole other issue.

She doesn't want to say 'no', but she doesn't want to lie.

Her silence is the only answer he needs.

"I figured", he whispers right before walking away. His figure fades away until she can no longer see it. Looks like she was right all those years ago.

People Always Leave.

_Ohhhh ohh ohhhh, woaaa oohhhh_

_And this heartbreak world  
Of just imagine  
With its tired talk of better days  
And this heartbreak world  
Where nothing matters  
Come on lets make the dream that's barely half awake come true_

Later that night she's back in the same spot. She's simply staring out into the night and her curls are blowing in the breeze. Her green dress shimmers under the moonlight and she scratches an itch on her right calf with her left leg.

Lucas notices all the little things.

"Lily's asking for you", he whispers. She flinches at his voice and he mutters an apology. She shakes her head and lets him know its fine. She heard him when he mentioned Lily, but she doesn't move.

"Will you dance with me?"

She doesn't even realize she's asked this until she notices his shocked expression. He nods bashfully and takes a step in her direction. He opens his arms and she curls her arms around his waist.

"Is your fiancé gonna mind this?" he asks with a laugh as he encircles her body. Her eyes close and she rests her forehead against his shoulder. He doesn't say it in anger or malevolence.

He's truly concerned her fiancé might get angry at her.

She can't do this anymore. She can't pretend to have such a deep relationship with someone she knows she'll never get there with. She takes a deep breath and quickly says;

"We're not engaged."

He stops moving and she clamps her eyes shut. She can feel his muscles tighten beneath his suit and he gently pushes her away from him. This is when she decides to continue, like ripping off a band-aid.

"We're not even together."

He takes a moment to soak her words in. He's spent days moping over the fact that she was engaged. That they were done forever. To learn that it's all been a big lie. A joke; "Who else knows?" he asks with a raspy voice. She bows her head and he has his answer. He's the only one who thought it was real.

"How could you do this to me?" he asks as he looks at her in what can only be described as hatred. Her anger boils and spills from her mouth.

"How could you kiss me and then propose to someone else with **my** ring?! How could you say 'I do' with me front and center?"

"That wasn't something I maliciously did to hurt you!" he yells back.

"It all hurts just the same", she whispers back as a few tears trail down her face. He raises his arm with every intention of wiping them away, but her voice stops him. "And this _shouldn't_ hurt _you_", she spits out.

Her voice is pure venom and it reminds him of how she used to be; the fierce blonde that spat venom. She's making Keith proud. He bows his head and feels this throat tighten at the onset of tears. "I know it shouldn't, but it _does_. God, Peyton, you have –"

"I have you", she quotes his sentence from the other night. "Great!" she says as she spreads her arms out momentarily. "Where are you?" she asks as she brings her hands back to her chest and forms them into fists. Her voice shakes and tears immediately gather. She was hoping to get past this week without having this talk, but she knows now that it isn't possible.

Before he gets a word in she speaks again.

"You're not there to hold me at night or when I cry. You're not there when I sign a new band or when one goes platinum. You're not there when I need you. So, where are you?"

"I'm right here", he says as he takes a step forward and places his hand over her heart. It lays flat against her chest for a moment and he feels the intense beat of it beneath his palm.

"You don't deserve to be there", she says through gritted teeth as she shoves his arm away. Her words hurt. They stab right through his heart and pierce his soul.

But what hurts the most is that they're true.

He has nothing left to say. Considering he's a writer he knows he should have some words of love or promise . . . anything really, but there's nothing. They've never needed words to express their emotions. Their eyes tell each other everything. He shudders as he stares into her lost green ones.

This cannot be it.

As he looks at her he think of how he doesn't look at Lindsey the same way. As he watches her walk past him he thinks of how he's never watched Lindsey walk away and felt his world fall apart. As he grabs her hand he thinks that he's never felt a jolt of electricity when he holds Lindsey's hand. As he pulls her close to him he thinks of how Lindsey doesn't mold against his body like a puzzle piece.

And as he kisses her he doesn't think of Lindsey at all.

_And this heartbreak world  
With tired talk  
And this heartbreak world  
Where nothing matters  
Come on lets make this dream that's barely half awake  
Come on lets make this dream that's barely half awake come true_

* * *

Let me know what you think!

Next chapter won't pick up from this moment. It'll probably be a day or so later and Peyton will no longer be in Tree Hill.


	7. We Know It's Never Simple, Never Easy

**I still don't own it, nor do I own "Breathe" by Taylor Swift.**

Alright, so I'm not exactly a country fan, but Taylor Swift has a killer voice and this song was too good not to use. Her entire album is greatness.

Once again, your reviews are amazing. I love how dedicated you all are and I love that you love this story so much. It makes me love you all even more.

For the sake of the story, Lucas and Lindsey got married in late May/ early June. When Lucas saw Peyton 6 months after the wedding it was December and since it's been a year since then; it's December once again. Just wanted to throw that out there.

P.S. – I'm adding a character. You may not like him and I'm sorry for that, but Lucas needs to have his heart break a bit too. I'm warning you in advance . . . some of you probably won't like it – or him rather.

Enjoy!

* * *

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away,  
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way  
People are people,  
And sometimes we change our minds  
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time_

Chelsea Mashers is many things.

She's cute and bubbly. She's brazen and uses her sexuality when she needs to. She's a lot like Brooke. She's organized and efficient. She highlights sentences in books and uses a coaster at all times. In that sense she's a lot like Haley. She's also lonely and reflective. She hides away in her room for hours and listens to the lyrics of music as opposed to the beat. She's Peyton to a T.

Then there's this other part, the twenty year old girl that sits behind her wooden desk and takes calls for her boss. The girl who knows the exact type of mood someone's in by a simple glance. The girl who feels her heart flutter every time she hears his voice or see's his name.

The girl that's hopelessly in love with Chris Keller.

That parts all Chelsea.

She knows it's ridiculous. She's 20 years old and he's practically 30, well he's 26, but that's still a big age difference. Plus, they're at different places in their lives. He's a musical rock star and she's an assistant.

There's also the small issue of him being in love with the curly blonde that's currently walking towards her.

"Peyton?" she stands and shakes the thoughts from her mind. Peyton smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. Chelsea takes the time to look at her and can't help but to notice that she looks like pure Hell. Worse then the day she came into work almost a year ago; after the night Lucas ambushed her at her house.

That's when she reminds herself that Peyton's spent an entire week with Lucas _and_ his wife.

"You're not supposed to be home for another two days", she says as she glances at her calendar. Peyton shrugs and clears her throat.

"I got tired of letting you have all the fun", she says simply. "I'll be in my office", she whispers as she heads straight for the door.

The redhead bites her lip and sighs once the door slams shut. She frowns and rests her hip against the side of her desk. With a rhythmic tap of her foot she grabs the post-its from atop her desk and bursts through the door.

She stops when she sees Peyton with her head in her hands; her eyes focused on the dark Mahogany of her desk. Whatever happened in Tree Hill couldn't have been good.

"Alright, what happened?" she asks as she sits across from the blonde. Peyton raises her head and doesn't bother to wipe at the stray tears that trail her cheeks. "Oh sweetie", she murmurs and pulls her chair closer.

Peyton holds up her hand and shakes her head. "I don't wanna talk about it."

Chelsea nods understandingly, but in her typical fashion places the colored notes in front of her. "These were on the machine when I came in this morning. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that you came back", she says cryptically.

"What is that?" Peyton asks hoarsely as she eyes the stacks of notes. Chelsea grins.

"They were the messages on the machine", Peyton groans. She turned off her cell and she disconnected her house phone. "You're a woman on the run huh?" she laughs and Peyton sighs dejectedly. "Haley's left two messages, Nathan left three, Brooke called seven times, but only left three messages, Owen left one also, Karen called and left a message, but she was rushing to get on the plane so it's short. Jamie and Lily left a message each, C –"

"What did they say?" she asks with the only smile she managed in 13 hours. Chelsea flips through the squares of paper;

"Lily said she's mad she didn't get to say goodbye and that she's keeping a shirt you left at Luke's house, I quote 'he tried to take it, but I said no way Jose and pulled it on over my head. He was a little mad", Peyton grins and Chelsea continues, "James wants you to be at Christmas this year", she whispers and Peyton looks out the window.

"What else is there?" she changes topics.

"Chris called, said he was going to record in his home studio for a few days", Peyton closes her eyes and sighs. In a matter of five days she had managed to fuck up her entire life. Chelsea takes notice of her expression and furrows her brows.

"Drunken sex?" she asks with a laugh. She's the master of disguise, but she always forgets that Peyton has a knack for searching someone's eyes.

"Sober engagement", Peyton says with a smile. Chelsea's mouth drops and she breathes out a 'whoa'. "Yeah . . . he did kiss me though", she whispers and watches as her friends face falls slightly.

"That explains why he isn't here", she says softly. She knows Peyton doesn't feel the same way for the singer and her heart goes out to him.

"Who are the rest from?" she asks as she points to the equally as large stack in her hands.

"Lucas", she says simply and Peyton's jaw sets in anger. "He left nearly a dozen messages . . . they're all the same. He's apologizing."

"Good", she bites back. Chelsea places both her hands on the top of the desk and looks at her seriously.

"What happened?"

Peyton stares at her and takes a deep breath.

_His lips covered hers and she knew she needed to stop it. She knew she needed to be the strong one and pull away, maybe slap him again, but this was Lucas Scott. _

_The boy she's been in love with since she was sixteen._

_Against her better judgment Peyton pulled on the collar of his jacket to bring him closer. Lucas's heart fluttered and he buried one of his hands wrist deep into her curls. She moaned out loudly when his tongue entered her mouth and she swore she could feel him smirk._

_He pulled away and she whimpered. But his lips kissed across her cheek and his teeth nipped at her earlobe. "I have _missed_ you", he whispered huskily into her ear._

"We kissed", she says flatly. Chelsea's eyes widen and a smirk forms across her glossed lips. "Just kissed, Chels", Peyton says once she notices the look.

The redhead huffs. "Did you have sex at all while you were there?" Peyton glares at her and she shrugs. "I'm just saying in the time that I've known you, you've been alone."

Peyton frowns. That does make her sound mildly pathetic. "You know, I had a life _before_ you came around", she teases.

"Shocker!" Chelsea teases back as she throws her hands in the air. "I've never heard anything", she says thoughtfully.

The blonder shrugs. "We didn't really end on good terms", she whispers.

Her girl instincts kick in and she rests her elbows on the desk and places her chin in her hands. "Tell me about him . . . when did you meet? What was he like?"

"It's kind of a long story", she mumbles. The auburn haired girl leans back in her chair and takes notice of the empty flat.

"I've got all afternoon", she smirks and Peyton grumbles;

"What am I paying you for?"

"You _barely_ pay me to make your coffee, take your calls . . . and be your therapist", she finishes with a smile. Peyton rolls her eyes, but smiles at the same time. It's nice to not think about Tree Hill or Lucas for a while.

"Fine", she huffs. "We actually met the day after Lucas proposed and I . . . didn't say yes –"

"Wow, you moved fast."

"Please, he tried to hit on me and made some lame joke about a copier; I basically told him to go to Hell."

"Typical", Chelsea chides. They both laugh and Peyton continues.

"We ran into each other again, like a year later. I had just left Lucas's book signing because I saw Lindsey kiss him", she can hear Chelsea mutter 'bitch', but she's in her own world. "He invited me to some fundraiser thing and it was the first time I genuinely laughed in a long time."

She watches as her bosses face forms a small smile and her brows furrow. This guy must have been something else. "So, what happened after that?" As the question leaves her mouth the phone at the front desk – her desk – rings.

"You answered the phone", Peyton says with a cheeky smile. The younger of the two frowns.

"That doesn't even answer like half my questions", she grumbles as she stands from the chair.

Peyton thinks back to that time in her life and looks out the window. She hasn't talked to him in years and wouldn't even know how to contact him. Chelsea opens the door and Peyton's voice stops her. She might as well give the girl something;

"He was an up-and-coming movie producer."

_Mmm mmm mmm  
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm  
Mmm mmm mmm  
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm_

_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,  
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see  
Cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down,  
Now I don't know what to be without you around_

Brooke Davis has been told she's a good friend. She's dependable and protective. She'll fight for you till the death if she believes in you enough. She's caring and maternal. She loves her friends because they're her family.

Peyton Sawyer is her sister.

She walks up the pathway she's frequented over the past few years with a purpose. Her heels click against the stones and she moves her clutch to her other hand. She promised Owen this wouldn't take long.

It's been two days since Peyton disappeared, literally, from Tree Hill. She can remember that night perfectly. They were all sitting at the table and Peyton rushed over, looking flushed and grabbed her things. She mumbled something about needing to leave and did just that. None of them thought she meant she was leaving Tree Hill.

She puts her manicured hand on the brass knob and pushes the door open. "Well, the kissing bandit's at it again", she barks out as she enters the room. She finally got a hold of Peyton the other day and she told her everything; mostly everything.

Lucas doesn't hear her and she's mad that she lost out on the response her little comment would have received. He's on the phone and she rolls her eyes while moving to lean against his desk.

"Okay, right . . . thanks", he says before hanging up. Brooke folds her arms across her stomach and clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Calling Peyton again?" she asks as she tilts her head. He turns to look at her and shakes his head.

"Chelsea said she was running out of post-its", Brooke laughs in spite of herself and he continues, "That was the movie producer. He wants to meet up", he says with a small smile.

Brooke's torn. She wants to be happy for Lucas, but she cannot possibly smile for him when her best friend is thousands of miles away. She swallows her pride and nods.

"That's great."

"Thanks for the enthusiasm", he mumbles and she scoffs.

"What do you want me to say? You're not exactly my favorite person right now", she mumbles pointedly. Lucas sighs. He knew this was coming.

"Look, I have to meet with him tomorrow, can you watch Lily?" His mother's on her honeymoon and he gladly has the responsibility of watching his younger sister. Brooke nods.

"Where is she?" she asks once she notices the quiet house.

"Sleeping, she spent most of the day running around with Jamie", Brooke smiles and runs a hand through her wavy brown locks. Lucas looks at her and raises a brow. "You're dressed up", he points out.

That's the wrong thing to say because it get's Brooke back to the reason she's here at all. She pushes off from the desk and stands up straight.

"Do you know where I'm going right now?" she doesn't wait for an answer. "Out to dinner with my boyfriend, to a restaurant I made reservations for at the beginning of the week, for me and my best friend! Too bad she isn't here to go with me", she says angrily.

"Brooke . . ."

"Why'd you do it, Luke? Why did you have to kiss her?" he's surprised and it shows on his face. "Please, we're best friends", she points out the obvious and waves one of her hands at him.

"Brooke, it just . . . it happened", he says lamely.

"_I have _missed_ you", he said huskily into her ear. She smiled and a throaty laugh escaped her mouth. Her small hands cupped his face and she looked into his eyes for a long moment. Then, without a word she kissed him again._

_It felt like he was flying or having an out of body experience. This was a moment he had been waiting for. Her fingers curled around his neck and he pulled her closer; impossibly close. He groaned at the friction and that's when she pulled away. Her breaths were short and her cheeks were red. And when she spoke it was a mere whisper;_

"_I _always_ miss you", she admitted._

He clenches his jaw and looks out the window of his bedroom. That night play over and over in his mind. In his dreams and throughout his days. It's always at the front of his thoughts. Brooke's voice breaks his musings;

"Sometimes you need to pull your head out of your ass", she says seriously. His anger grows and he snaps.

"What do you want from me, Brooke?!" it's the only time he's yelled at her aside from the time in the rain in senior year. She reels back, shocked for the moment before charging at him.

"I want you to **stop** running my best friend out of town", she yells back and whacks him with her clutch. "I want you to **stop** playing games", another whack. He tries in vain to duck her movements, "I want you to **stop** loving Peyton and **start** loving your wife!" she hits him one final time and finally sees the horrified expression on his face.

She doesn't give him a chance to respond; instead she heads to the door and slams it shut behind her.

She doesn't notice that half his bedroom, half his house, is empty.

She doesn't know that Lindsey spent a week in New York drawing up divorce papers.

She also doesn't know that all of that pain doesn't match a third of what he felt the night he watched Peyton walk away.

_And we know it's never simple, never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,  
And I can't breathe,  
Without you, but I have to,  
Breathe,  
Without you,  
But I have to_

Peyton types away at her computer. It's good to be back in a routine. Her thoughts and mind are far away from the place she called home. She sighs; she's blatantly lying to herself.

She wishes she could take herself away from that place, from those memories, but they made her who she is today and she'll never regret that. She regrets the things she did and the people she hurt, but she doesn't for a second regret the life she lived.

But she is Peyton Sawyer and she lives with some regrets. It's only natural. Her green eyes scan her office and she glances down to the drawer of her desk. That contains 500 days worth of regrets.

She doesn't regret writing them; she wishes she could. She regrets that she has to write them out on a piece of paper that he'll never see instead of being able to tell him face to face.

She sighs and takes the envelope out of her purse. It's the letter she wrote at Brooke's house, the letter she told herself would be the last one. She holds it in her hand and dances her finger over his name. This makes 501. Five hundred and one days worth of memories or moments where she's needed to tell him something.

Her eyes burn and she blinks back the tears. She hasn't cried about what happened yet and she really doesn't want to. She leans down to open that drawer and when she does she flinches in pain. Her shoulders and a small part of her back are scratched up and it hurts to bend a certain way.

Once she thinks about those marks her mind goes into overdrive. She puts the one letter away and grabs a loose piece of paper; she knows she told herself she wouldn't write anymore, but this is important.

This is her goodbye.

"_I _always_ miss you", she admitted. She didn't know what made her do it, but the boyish smile that spread to his lips was enough to make her want to say it again and again. He shook his head in disbelief of the moment and without a second thought lifted her off the ground. _

_Her long, bare legs wrapped around his waist and she leaned her head down to kiss him once more. He spun them around and rested her back against the brick wall behind them. In the moment he wasn't concerned with her bare shoulders hitting the hard surfaces. She grimaced as her flesh scraped against the red bricks._

_She wrapped her hand around his neck once more and brought his head away from her collar bone to capture her lips again. She arched her back and his arousal, if it wasn't obvious before, was made apparent to her then. Her hands trailed down his torso and her lips grazed the shell of his ear; "I have wanted _this_ for _so_ long", spilled from her mouth._

She signs that she will always love him, not that she thinks she will, or that she probably will. She **knows** she will always love him. It's as simple as breathing for her. Lucas was and will always be a huge part of her life. Nothing can change that.

That's what makes it so much harder when she tries to let go.

She folds the paper and puts it in the envelope. She places it atop the box that's lies on her desk and thinks about putting the box back in the drawer, but decides it doesn't matter. Chelsea knows she writes the letters and she knows she wouldn't dare to read one.

She's done enough soul searching for one day and she stands from her chair. She walks out to the hall and smiles at the 20 year old that sits there. "Do I have any meetings today?" she asks as she leans against the desk. Chelsea shakes her head and a yawn escapes her mouth.

"Long night?" she teases. The auburn haired girl rolls her eyes. "So, I think I'm gonna take my lunch break. Wanna come out to eat with me?" she asks as she walks to the other side.

"Actually, No Way Out is set to come in around 12:30, I think I'm gonna hang around", she says sheepishly. Now Way Out was an up and coming group that Peyton signed before she left. Typically she wouldn't leave if something like this was going on, but she trusts Chelsea.

"Cool, I'll be back in an hour", Peyton says as heads to the elevator.

She thinks that maybe a liquid lunch will suffice for today.

_Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt  
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve  
But people are people,  
And sometimes it doesn't work out,  
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out_

He hasn't been to LA in a year. He walks the street and breathes in the smoggy air. As he walks past the storefronts he catches himself looking in the reflection of the glass. He's not vain enough to be checking himself out.

He silently hopes, wishes, dreams . . . that by some miracle Peyton will be behind him.

This is her city. This is her place in the world. She's probably walked the steps he's taking now. It kills him to be so close to her and yet so very far away. He shakes his head; he needs to focus on the point of today.

He looks up at the address and takes a deep breath before walking in.

The restaurants relatively quiet and it takes him a while to realize he's still in LA. For a city that's filled with a hustle and bustle, the soft chatter and serious expressions surprise him.

"Lucas!" a manly voice calls him out and his blue eyes dart around. They rest on a man that can't be much older then he is – possibly even the same age. His hair's buzzed and he's dressed similar to Lucas.

He quickly wrecks his brain for the man's name. He knows it's terrible that he can't remember, but his mind has been so filled with one name only that it's hard to focus on anything else.

"Julian Baker", Lucas sighs inaudibly. That saves him the embarrassment.

"I would introduce myself, but clearly that isn't necessary", Julian laughs politely and they both take a seat at the small table in the corner.

They order drinks and a way too expensive lunch while discussing the appealing notion of turning _Ravens_ into a major motion picture. All the boring logistics and money talks are out of the way by the time they finish their meals and that's when Julian changes topics;

"So, I guess the Lucas and the Peyton figured it out", Julian says as he glances at Lucas's left hand. The blonde furrows his brows and follows his gaze. After wearing his wedding band for so long, a thin white ling formed around his ring finger.

"Actually", Lucas begins. He think's it's odd that Julian would voice something like that considering there's no actual ring on his finger. "They didn't", he says simply.

Julian's brows raise and he shakes his head. "Sorry man, I just assumed . . ."

"It's alright, lots of people do", Lucas promises him. The waitress takes their plates and Julian smiles as he rests his elbows on the tables.

"I'm really excited to do this, Lucas", the genuine enthusiasm behind his eyes makes Lucas even more excited.

"I am too, at first I wasn't too sure about it all. This book is really close to my heart and . . ."

"And I want to keep there. That's why I want you to write the screenplay", he says for the first time all afternoon. Lucas's eyes widen and Julian continues. "You know these people; you know the emotions that went along with the different days. It wouldn't be right to have someone else do it."

"Wow", Lucas breathes out. "Umm, how much time do I have?" he asks blankly. Julian raises his hand and shakes it back and forth.

"Three weeks, give or take", at Lucas's frown he speaks again, "If you don't think you can handle it, that's fine. I just wanted to bring it up with you", he finishes with a shrug.

"No, I'll do it", Lucas says with a grin. Julian grins back and nods his head. They pay the bill and Julian lets out a breath.

"Look, this place isn't really my style. There's a bar a few buildings down, you wanna celebrate the right way?" he asks with a smile. Lucas smiles, but shakes his head. He likes this guy, he really does. But there's something he needs to do before he leaves LA.

"I actually have some other things I need to take care of", Lucas says as they stand and walk to the front door.

"Suit your-self", Julian says with a smile. "I'll be in touch", he promises and with a clap to his back they head in different directions.

_And we know it's never simple, never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,  
And I can't, breathe,  
Without you, but I have to,  
Breathe,  
Without you,  
But I have to_

He continues to walk the streets and pauses outside of the building. He doesn't know what force took him here, but it suddenly left his body and he cannot move another inch. His eyes trace over the plaque outside on the wall outside and he smiles; Red Bedroom Records. She's accomplished so much and he's so proud.

His legs move and he walks around in the revolving door. A short elevator ride later, he's back in the room that he walked into almost 19 months ago. He walks with a purpose this time. He's got no phone book because naturally he memorized her address, but he does spot it on that same coffee table.

When he reaches the front desk he frowns at the lack of a person.

He looks around quickly and when he still doesn't see anyone he walks right into Peyton's office; after taking a deep breath. He steps inside and breathes out when he notices it's empty.

The room smells like her. That's the one thought that passes through his mind. The vanilla and lavender overtakes the room, or maybe he just thinks it does. It's almost suffocating him and he turns his back to leave the room when the sight of a box stops him.

He looks back into the hallway before hastily walking over to the desk.

He furrows his brows and purses his lips. They're envelopes, all with his name on them. There must be hundreds here in this medium sized box and Lucas's head spins. He had gotten a box of letters once before in high school, but he instantly knows these are different. They have to be different.

They're written by Peyton Sawyer.

Heels clack against the hardwood floor and he curses because he doesn't have the time to check them all. Instead he grabs the top one and stuffs it into his pocket. He heads for the door and thinks he's in the clear until he comes face to face with the auburn haired girl he's met once before.

"Jesus!" she yells out as she places her hand over her frantically beating heart. Lucas springs back, and places a hand on his hip. "Lucas?" she questions as she tries to regain her breath.

"Hey", he says sheepishly. He places both his hands into his pockets and straightens his shoulders. Chelsea folds her arms and stares at him expectantly. It's clear she's less then thrilled with his appearance. "Umm, I was hoping to talk to Peyton", he says softly.

She twists her lips and shakes her head. Peyton said Lucas was the master of being . . . well; she didn't have any other words. Just that he was always trying to do the right thing. "She's on her lunch break", she says evenly. Lucas closes his eyes and lets out a groan. She **would** be.

"Oh alright", he says with a hoarse voice. "I'll just go", he whispers dejectedly. He walks to the doorway, but Chelsea doesn't move.

"That's some shiner", she muses as she looks at his slightly swollen eye. He snorts and nods. In the midst of Brooke's crazy attack on him the other day, she clipped his face pretty good.

"Yeah", he mutters and rubs the back of his neck with his hand.

"Ex-girlfriend?" she takes a wild guess. Lucas laughs. This girl is blunt. He can see why Peyton likes her.

"Yes, actually, Brooke", Chelsea smiles; although she secretly wishes it was Peyton's doing.

"I knew I always liked her", he laughs again and Chelsea's eyes move from his face to her bosses desk. They widen and in a flash she's moving across the room. "Could you go outside", she says in a rush as she lifts the box and drops it into the open drawer.

Lucas does as he's told and pats the letter that's safely in the pocket of his jeans. He stands by the desk that's outside and notices the framed picture on it. It's of his brother and best friend and his godson, Brooke stands beside Haley and Chelsea and Jamie is wrapped up in Peyton's arms. He figures it was taken within the last year. It's the way Peyton looks in the picture. He remembers what she looked like when he came to see her and that was six months after she left. In the picture she looks lighter, freer and he knows it had to have happened after he left her.

Chelsea clears her throat and Lucas's head snaps around to look at her.

"You should probably go now", she whispers as she folds her arms over her stomach. Lucas stays rooted in the same spot and she huffs a breath. "I mean it, don't make me call security", he raises a brow and she rolls her eyes. "Fine, so we don't have security, but I've been taking kick boxing lessons", she warns as she steps closer to him.

Lucas laughs unintentionally and nods his head. He raises both hands in a surrendering manner and steps back. "I'm gone", he promises.

Chelsea groans as he walks away. She hates being older and more mature, when she was younger she could make a girl cry and barely bat an eyelash. She calls out his name and he stops and turns to look at her.

"I'm sorry", she says sincerely. She bites her lip and fidgets with her hands, she's never liked apologizing. "It's just that, I asked you not to make me regret it", he closes his eyes and sighs. He vividly remembers that day 12 months ago.

"I know", he whispers, "And I'm –"

"You don't need to say it", she says as she holds her hands up. "I could read a post-it."

She says it so seriously that Lucas can only laugh loudly. He's glad Peyton has someone like this in her life. That she has someone who can make her smile through her tears. With his thoughts back on Peyton – not that they're ever very far – he's reminded that he needs to leave. He raises his hand and waves once before turning and walking to the elevator.

Chelsea watches him go and prays he can get his act together.

_Its two a.m.  
Feelin' like I just lost a friend  
Hope you know it's not easy,  
Easy for me  
Its two a.m.  
Feelin' like I just lost a friend  
Hope you know this ain't easy,  
Easy for me_

She sits on the barstool and rests her elbows on the polished wood of the bar. A drink sits in front of her and a hardcover book lies beside it. She's a masochist; it's official.

She's done this before; after Lucas got married she sat at TRIC and kept a copy of _An Unkindness of Ravens_ in front of her; along with a plethora of shot glasses. Here she is; with a copy of _The Comet_ and every intention of racking up some small glasses.

She thought she had come a long way from the pathetic girl who drank away her sorrows, but apparently she was wrong. She doesn't know what it is about him, but Lucas has the ability to make her someone she never thought she would be.

She throws her head back and the liquid burns her throat. She just wants to forget. She wants to forget about Karen's wedding night. She wants to forget that Christmas is two weeks away. She wants to forget that she ever met Lucas Scott.

Her eyes glance at the book and she opens it up to the bookmarked page. She wishes she knew the boy in this book. Everyone said it was clearly Lucas, but she doesn't see it. Not now anyway. She wants to know the boy who yearns for his most precious comet to come back to him. She wants the boy wishes it had never left.

She wants the boy Lucas used to be.

This is harder then she thought and the alcohol isn't helping, she guesses it never really did. She's lost a best friend. She's lost someone she thought she could depend on forever. Last year she told Lucas that she felt a vital piece of her was missing.

That piece of her isn't just missing anymore . . . it lost.

Okay, this is depressing. She shakes her head and throws some money on the bar and stands. She has her head down as she walks out of the building and because of it she walks right into someone else. She internally curses as her book falls to the concrete.

"I'm so sorry", she mumbles as she picks up the novel. She stands and picks her foot up to walk away once more, but the person – the voice – stops her.

"Peyton?"

She knows that's voice. It has the ability to be sarcastic and demeaning. It can be tough and demanding. But it's also soft and insecure. It's husky and adoring. It's exactly how she remembers it.

"Julian."

_And we know it's never simple,  
Never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

_Ohhh_

He walks into his bedroom and tosses his small carry-on bag to the floor and plops onto the bed. It's been a long two days. He's decided to wait to get Lily until tomorrow morning. His little sister loves Brooke and Owen and he knows they won't mind at all – plus he's too tired to mentally prepare for the six year old.

He didn't tell anyone that he was meeting Julian in LA, but they probably figured it. He knows there will be questions for him, but he'll lie about anything Peyton related. Peyton. He pulls the envelope from his pocket and stares at it. His thumb traces over the script of his name and he takes a deep breath. Even the damn paper smells like her.

He wants to read it. He really, really does. But he's scared. He doesn't know what it might say and he doesn't know if he's prepared to see them written out. He lays flat on his bed and closes his eyes.

Even though a smell fades over time, her smell still burns his nostrils. He can feel her pressed against him and he can taste her lips upon his. He can see her perfectly.

He remembers that night so vividly.

_His lips covered hers and she knew she needed to stop it. She knew she needed to be the strong one and pull away, maybe slap him again, but this was Lucas Scott. _

_The boy she's been in love with since she was sixteen._

_Against her better judgment Peyton pulled on the collar of his jacket to bring him closer. Lucas's heart fluttered and he buried one of his hands wrist deep into her curls. She moaned out loudly when his tongue entered her mouth and she swore she could feel him smirk._

_He pulled away and she whimpered. But his lips kissed across her cheek and his teeth nipped at her earlobe._

"_I have _missed_ you", he said huskily into her ear._

_She smiled and a throaty laugh escaped her mouth. Her small hands cupped his face and she looked into his eyes for a long moment. Then, without a word she kissed him again._

_It felt like he was flying or having an out of body experience. This was a moment he had been waiting for. Her fingers curled around his neck and he pulled her closer; impossibly close. He groaned at the friction and that's when she pulled away. Her breaths were short and her cheeks were red. And when she spoke it was a mere whisper;_

"_I _always_ miss you", she admitted._

_She didn't know what made her do it, but the boyish smile that spread to his lips was enough to make her want to say it again and again. He shook his head in disbelief of the moment and without a second thought lifted her off the ground. _

_Her long, bare legs wrapped around his waist and she leaned her head down to kiss him once more. He spun them around and rested her back against the brick wall behind them. In the moment he wasn't concerned with her bare shoulders hitting the hard surfaces. She grimaced as her flesh scraped against the red bricks._

_She wrapped her hand around his neck once more and brought his head away from her collar bone to capture her lips again. She arched her back and his arousal, if it wasn't obvious before, was made apparent to her then. Her hands trailed down his torso and her lips grazed the shell of his ear; _

"_I have wanted _this_ for _so_ long", spilled from her mouth._

_He grinned and her hands traveled to his belt buckle. He placed his left hand on the wall for leverage. When he did, the sound of metal scraping against brick echoed in his ears. He was thrust back to reality._

"_Peyton we . . . I – this can't . . ."_

"_Lindsey", she whispered once she realized the cause of his stuttering. Her eyes immediately watered and she was brought back to junior year. Then it was a necklace stopping them and now it was his wedding band. Her hands left the silver buckle and pushed against his chest; she wiggled her legs to be put down._

"_Let me go", she ordered. He shook his head._

"_Peyton –"_

_Her hands formed fists and she pounded them against his chest. "I mean it!" she yelled more forcefully. He used one hand to try to stop her assault, but that only worsened it. "Lucas, let me go!" she cried out as she punched and pushed against him._

_He finally did as she asked and she ducked her head as she pushed past him. "Can we talk about this?" he questioned as he reached for her wrist. He spun her around just enough to see the tears fall down her reddened cheeks. She ripped her arm from his grip._

"_Peyton, I'm sorr—"_

_The words died on his lips as he watched her walk away._

When he opens his eyes she's gone.

And all he's left with are regrets.

_I can't, breathe,_

_Without you, but I have to,  
_

_Breathe,  
Without you,  
But I have to_

_Breathe,  
Without you,  
But I have to_

_Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)  
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)  
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)  
Sorry_

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	8. I Remember You and Me

**I don't own it, nor do I own "Still" by Matt Nathanson.**

Yes, another song by Matt. I've decided that I'm officially in love with him. This song, I think, fits the chapter. I'll let you judge that. I also think this is more of a filler.

Umm, soo your reviews make my life haha. I'm not even kidding though. This is the biggest response I've ever gotten in regards to a story and the chapters in general have big numbers. I'm really glad that I can accomplish whatever it is that keeps you reading; I hope I do anyway.

If you have any thoughts or other comments or song ideas . . . pm me. I'm always open to suggestions.

* * *

_I remember hearts that beat yeah, yeah  
I remember you and me, yeah, oh yeah  
Tangled in hotel sheets  
You wore me out  
You wore me out_

Peyton smiles unknowingly as she writes down the names of some of the new bands she's planning on calling. The past week has been pretty great – dare she think it's been pretty perfect. She starts to hum some cheesy show tune and stops mid-note. She shakes her head. This cannot be happening.

She is not developing feelings for this guy.

Sure, there's been flirty banter – soft touches and lingering gazes – but that's how Julian's always been. Its how _they've_ always been. Before they even started dating all those years ago. Sure, her friends love him, Chelsea included, but that doesn't mean what it has to mean.

She knows it isn't impossible. They have a past; it's perfectly likely that something could develop. She places the capped end of her pen in her mouth and bites down pensively. Could this be happening again?

Julian gave her some of the best memories she has away from Tree Hill. She found herself again with him. He was there for her when she needed someone to lean on and be near. But, they broke up, or, he walked out on her.

Because Lucas Scott was never – is never – far from her mind.

Yes, she still thinks about him. He's always there, lurking beneath the surface. It's less times a day and it's for shorter amount of times, but it still happens. Her thoughts drift to the box that's inches away.

She's got a lock on it now. The small key is taped to the back of a picture frame; the frame contains their graduation picture. Her thinking is that in the time it would take her to get the key and unlock the lock she would have come to her senses and realize that she didn't want to look at those letters.

It's worked so far.

Her intercom sounds and soon Chelsea's voice fills the air. "Peyton, you have a call on line one", she says evenly. Peyton rolls her eyes.

"Why do you even bother telling me?" she asks.

"It's my job", her assistant says obviously. Peyton laughs.

"Tell Lucas . . . anything, I don't really care –"

"It's not Lucas", Chelsea yells from behind the closed door of Peyton's office. The blonde furrows her brows and as if Chelsea can see it she continues. "It's your favorite little boy!"

Peyton grins and immediately picks up the phone.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite Scott", she says happily.

"_Well, if it isn't my favorite blonde"_, Nathan says back. Peyton frowns.

"I thought it was Jamie calling", she grumbles playfully. She hears Nathan scoff and she knows he's placed his hand over his heart.

"_That gets me, Peyton . . . he had to run to the bathroom"_, there's a moment of silence and she knows its coming. _"Has Lucas called you today?"_

"Not yet", she says flatly while clicking a folder on her computer. It opens and hundreds of pictures fill the screen. She may have locked that drawer, but she didn't delete this folder.

Nathan sighs. _"Look, I know things haven't been easy and I want you know what I'm sorry."_

She furrows her brows. "For what?"

"_The way I treated you when we were together"_, her breath gets caught in her throat. _"I wouldn't change the fact that we broke up for good and wouldn't change meeting Haley, but I would change the way I acted; cheating on you and all the yelling. I'm sorry."_

By the time he's done Peyton practically has tears running down her face. She sniffles and lets out a small laugh. "Who'd have thought you and Luke would switch places", she mutters with a hoarse voice.

She clicks through the random images and remembers that she said that to Lucas once before, right after everything with Nikki came to light. The blonde man really has screwed up the past few years.

She still doesn't respond to Nathan because her eyes stop on a picture of her and Lucas the night he proposed; before he proposed of course. They're at the restaurant; him looking dashing in his suit and she's in her trademark band tee and jeans. They were so happy and free.

The repetition of her name snaps her from her daze. She clears her throat and mutters that she's still here.

"_I'm sorry"_, Nathan whispers because he knows he's brought up memories she didn't need. _"Jamie's back."_

She can hear the phone begin shuffled around before she has the chance to thank Nathan. Her tears seem to dry and her sadness dissolves the second she hears; _"Peyton!"_

"Baby James! What's up kiddo?"

"_Nothing . . . I miss you"_, he says softly. She frowns and nods her head.

"I miss you too, buddy."

She's absentmindedly clicking through pictures at this point and once again her heart stops when she sees a certain one. It's the day Lily was born. Peyton has the small bundle in her arms and she's sitting the hospital chair. Lucas is crouched beside her with his arm wrapped around her shoulders and his other is tapping Lily's nose. Despite everything going on around them at the moment they are both wearing the biggest smiles possible.

What would have happened if she said yes?

"_Are you gonna come down for Christmas?"_ she knows he's trying to hide it, but Peyton can hear the hope in his voice. She doesn't want to break his heart, but she doesn't know if she can handle being there again. Especially after everything that happened the week before.

"I don't know yet, sweetie. I have a lot of work going on", she whispers back.

"_Oh well that's okay"_, she can picture the way his face falls slightly_. "I gotta go; mama's taking me to work today."_

"Bye buddy", she whispers, but he's already hung up the phone. She bites her lip and slams the phone back down onto the receiver. Her hand forms a fist and she pounds it against the desk angrily. As a string of curses leave her mouth the door opens.

"Knock, knock", Julian says as he pops his head in the door. Her green eyes meet his and he furrows his brow in concern. "You alright?"

"Yeah . . . no – I don't know", she sighs and runs her hand through her curls.

He sits in the seat across form her and raises an eyebrow. "Anything I could do to help?"

She thinks about the statement and laughs internally. Not unless he knew how to make a time machine. She thinks back to her conversation with the six year old that's miles away and her heart aches in a different way then it has before. She doesn't want James to grow up thinking that people leave or that wishes can't come true.

"You wanna come to Tree Hill with me?"

_I remember honey lips and words so true  
I remember nonstop earthquake dreams of you  
You're coming on fast like good dreams do  
All night long_

Lucas stretches his back and rubs his eye with the palm of his hand. He's been sitting at this computer for hours and he's nearly finished with the screenplay. It's been a fun thing to do. He's got pretty much everything done. Nathan and Haley's relationship, his mother's café, Keith, his rocky brotherhood with Nathan, and Brooke.

When he finally stops it's because he's up to the day of the school shooting. His emotions have been on overhaul the last week and he knows that this would send him over the edge. He picks up the envelope that he's spent days analyzing. Every time he looks at it he finds something new.

The blot of ink that starts at the first letter of his name. The barley noticeably discoloration that's clearly a tear stain. It still holds on to her smell, or maybe that's just him holding on to it. He turns it over and runs his finger under the already opened corner.

He hasn't been brave enough to open it all the way and even if he did, he could never read it.

"Hey bro", Nathan says as he walks into the room. Lucas shoves the paper under his notes and looks up at the matching blue eyes. Nathan narrows his eyes, but lets the frantic movement go.

"What's up?" he asks as he leans back in the chair. Nathan shrugs and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Haley's got Jamie at school today. I'm bored", he smiles and Lucas rolls his eyes.

"Sorry, I can't entertain you . . . I've got more important things", he says while pointing to his laptop. Nathan nods in recognition.

"The big screen play. How's it coming?" he asks in interest. Lucas shrugs.

"It's good, I'm almost done", he pauses and Nathan raises a brow. "It's hard", he whispers truthfully.

Nathan knew this was coming. His older brother has to trudge up all the old memories of the girl he thought he was going to spend forever with. He has to write out the time and the place and everything that represents what they were.

"That's understandable", the dark haired Scott reasons. "Maybe it'd be a little easier if you didn't kiss her a couple of weeks ago", he points out with an innocent shrug. Lucas's jaw clenches and he shakes his head.

"If you came here to –"

"I didn't come here to do anything", he surrenders. "It's just that every conversation revolves around Peyton lately and we all have some pretty strong opinions with regards to you and her."

It's true. Almost every time he talks to someone in this town, it reverts back to Peyton. He can't help it; she's literally always on his mind. What she's doing. What she's wearing. If she's eating. If she's smiling.

If she's as lost as he is.

"That's cause it's always there, Nathan!"

"_It's been a tough year on hearts", he said honestly and then paused as those words sank in. It wasn't only tough in regards to Peyton and Jake and Brooke and him, but he and Peyton had a torrid past also. "So, it's too bad we had to be this desperate to hang out again, huh?" he hadn't meant to say it the way he did and that was obvious when he reached up and scratched the back of his head. He laughed out of nerves and thankfully she laughed genuinely._

"_Well, we didn't have to be, we just _are_", he sighed and looked at her. "But I'm glad you're here, you know. I know we kinda lost each other for a while there, but . . . hopefully that's over right? Especially considering our history", she mumbled. He nodded his head and felt the words bubbling up in his chest. He knew he had just old Brooke he wanted to be with her, but being with Peyton made everything else fade away._

"_It's always gonna be there isn't it? You and me." she looked shocked, but closed her mouth and nodded her head. Her thoughts drifted back to that box Brooke had told her about._

His memories are coming on strong. Everything about her. Her smile, her smell, her legs, her laugh, her eyes. He can't take it anymore and he needs to be alone.

"Listen Nate, I'm pretty busy, can I get a rain check?" he asks nicely. His younger brother shakes his head.

"You can try to deflect this, Luke, but it won't change the fact that you were married when you kissed Peyton." He fleetingly wonders what time his brother is talking about. There have been a few. He shakes his head and opens his mouth.

"I know that! But I stopped it", he reasons. Nathan scoffs.

"You never should have started it!" he yells back.

Lucas closes his mouth and bows his head.

"I called her today", his younger brother says randomly. Lucas raises his head and waits with baited breath, for what he doesn't really know, but it involves Peyton. "Well, Jamie called her and then I talked to her by default . . . did you try calling her today?"

Lucas laughs bitterly. He's called Peyton at least once a day since she left and he has never gotten through to her. His brother asking this just seems totally ridiculous . . . like he's rubbing it in his face.

"Yeah, but I didn't get through", he mumbles angrily. Nathan nods; already expecting that answer.

"You should stop", he says firmly. "Stop calling her, stop texting her, stop trying to talk to her when she clearly wants nothing to do with you."

It's harsh. Brutally honest. And everything Lucas needs to hear. Peyton didn't ask him to say anything, but he knows it must be hard to have to deal with your past when you're trying to make a future. His older brother's eyes glaze over with anger and when he stands for fast that his chair flies back – slamming into the wall – he's almost afraid.

"She's all I've thought about – all I think about! She's Peyton, Nathan. She's the girl that I've written books about and for and she's just always _there_! Do you know what it's like?" he questions with a hurt voice as his anger fades.

Nathan can't answer because he doesn't know what it's like. He doesn't know the pain of having the one person you love most in the world not be with you. Then he thinks about the pain and the heartache that _everyone_ has gone through and he has no compassion for his brother. He narrows his eyes and shakes his head;

"Do you know whose fault that is?"

_Still can feel you kiss me love  
Still can see your brown skin shine, shine  
Still can feel you kiss me love  
Come on and drive me wild (me wild)_

Its a few days later and when Peyton steps into the airport she feels her lungs fill with the sweet North Carolina air. She may love Los Angeles, but it could never compare to the feeling she gets when she breathes in the clean, cool air of her hometown. She may have had a minor panic attack as the plane landed, but she managed through it.

She lets her eyes wander around the airport she's only been in a handful of time. She catches sight of the sign _Welcome to Tree Hill!_ They make it seem so easy. Like it's the best place in the world and she supposes it is, for someone who hasn't been through everything she has.

She runs her hand through her curls and lets out a shaky sigh. Coming home shouldn't cause stress. A warm hand rests against the small of her back and she tilts her head to look at him.

"You okay?" he asks in concern. She smiles, grateful that he's here, and nods.

"I will be", she says softly. They continue to walk through the terminal and he takes in the sights. It's surreal to be here. He's only ever read about it, but it all seems exactly like he thought it would. The people seem quaint and the atmosphere is calming.

They walk through the revolving doors and step out into the cool December air. It makes her lungs contract and for a second she can't breathe. It must have the same effect on her companion because she can hear him cough.

"Fresh air", he says with a grin and she laughs. Compared to LA this is the freshest air he'll ever breathe. The other city is filled with smog and haze and the humidity is a constant. Tree Hill is the complete opposite.

A cab pulls up alongside the curb and when he opens the door she slides in with ease. She tells the driver the address for the storage unit and once the door is closed, they're off.

"Thanks for coming with me, Julian", she whispers once they're moving. He shrugs and sends her a smile that he doesn't use with anyone else. She notices the way his eyes travel over the buildings they pass and the storefronts that are decorated for Christmas. He looks genuinely interested and she takes into account the fact that he's more of a big city guy.

Being in the terminal doesn't compare to actually being in the city. People stop for the pedestrians and the towns decorated in reds and greens, but splashes of black and blue poke through. It's more then the fact that he's in the hometown of the setting behind the movie he's producing.

He's in the hometown of Peyton Sawyer.

He wouldn't even notice that the cars stopped unless Peyton tapped his shoulder. He smiles bashfully – something that he doesn't do in front of others and steps out of the car after paying the driver.

"So, what exactly are we doing here?" he asks as he moves their bags from one hand to the other. She smiles and pulls a small silver key from the pocket of her leather jacket.

"I know you wanted to rent a car, but it wouldn't feel right to drive around this place in anything other than . . ." she trails off and motions for him to help her lift the heavy metal door. "_This_", she says with a grin. The gate flies open and they both come face to face with . . .

"The 1963 Mercury Comet", Julian says breathlessly.

She doesn't notice his comment right away. She's too lost in her own world. This car is everything to her. She almost ran Lucas over. He jumped in the car to stop her from running red lights. They spent an entire summer joyriding and roadtriping in this car. She curled into his side as he drove back after she went to see Ellie.

It's the double meaning behind his second book.

"What did you say?" she asks as she comes back to reality. He snaps his head to look at her and shakes his head.

"I remember you talking about it", he mumbles as he throws their bags into the back seat. She nods her head and climbs into the driver's side of the car.

"Here we go", she mutters.

_And you move like water, yeah  
And you broke like waves  
I've never been deeper, so far gone  
Your sister in the next room with the television on_

That same day three out of the core five are sitting in Nathan and Haley's living room openly discussing their two blonde friends.

"Then I told him to stop calling her", Nathan says easily as he sips his eggnog. Haley narrows her eyes.

"Well, I think he decided to stop calling us instead", she grumbles. They haven't heard from Lucas since that day Nathan yelled at him. He called of course, but it wasn't up to Haley's standards. Instead of talking for hours, they spent minutes on the phone.

"No, it might have been when I blamed him for everything that happened between them", he admits sheepishly. Haley groans loudly and throws one of her decorative pillows at him. "Am I wrong?" he argues.

"Nathan, it's not about blame!" Haley counters. Her dark haired husband scoffs.

"It seems pretty obvious to me that it's all about the blame. He got married, Haley. He ended everything for good!"

Completely frustrated with her husband she looks over at her friend. Brooke shakes her head and shrugs. "I'm not getting in the middle of a married person argument. That's like asking to lose a friend", she says with a smirk.

"Come on, Brooke. We won't get mad", Haley promises, Brooke knows that by saying 'we' Haley really means 'she' won't get mad.

"Honestly . . . I think Lucas does need to take responsibility for his actions", Brooke says softly. She hears Haley make a noise and her brown eyes turn into a glare. "You said you wouldn't get mad!" she yells as she points an accusatory finger at her.

"I lied!" she yells while throwing her hands in the air. There's a moment of silence until Haley speaks again; "I know Lucas has messed up, but he isn't the only person involved in this situation."

Brooke nods. "I know and there are things that Peyton could have done differently, but it still comes down to the fact that Lucas could have waited and he didn't."

Nathan speaks up once he sees the pensive look in his wife's eyes. "Jamie asked her to come home for Christmas", he whispers. Both women snap their heads to look at him.

"Is she coming?" Haley asks frantically. "And why the Hell haven't you told me?!"

"I don't know if she's coming and I didn't tell you because I don't know anything else. I eavesdropped when James called her."

"She hasn't mentioned anything", Brooke says softly. "I talked to her yesterday and not a word."

"Jamie would really love to see her", Haley whispers. Nathan downs the rest of his spiked eggnog and puts the glass on the table.

"All I know is that if she does come, Lucas better pull his head out of his ass", he grumbles and Brooke giggles.

"I told him the same thing last week", Nathan laughs and Haley rolls her eyes. The front door opens and a minute later the blonde they were laughing about walks into the living room.

The room goes silent. Not in the way that comes after someone finishes a story, but in the way that happens after you're talking about a person and they walk into a room. It's creepy and quite frankly, he's annoyed.

"Want me to leave so that you can finish talking?" he asks and points to the hallway.

"How about you just _leave_", Nathan offers innocently. Haley glares at him and she stands to hug her best friend.

"It's good to see you", she whispers into his ear. He wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her temple.

"You too, Hales."

"Hey Brooke", he says while leaning down to kiss her cheek. She greets him back and stands to leave the room.

"I'm gonna check on Jamie, he's being too quiet", her heels clack against the wooden stairs and Lucas takes the seat she had occupied.

"So, dinners around 6 o'clock", Haley says after a beat of silence. Lucas nods and clears his throat.

"Alright, I just need to change and then I have a webcam date with mom and Lily", he says with a smile. His mother is spending today – Christmas Eve – with some of Andy's family in New York. Tomorrow they will be back in Tree Hill.

Jamie's voice calls down for his mother and Haley hesitates before standing. Brooke must be torturing him with something he doesn't want to wear. She takes one last look at the two Scotts before disappearing up the stairs.

Lucas runs a hand through his hair and leas forward. He doesn't really like to be here. Not only because they were all obviously talking about him, but because it's a slap in the face to the life he could have had. The life he should have had. He shakes his head and stands from the chair. He sends his brother a nod of politeness and turns to the hallway. Nathan is on his feet a second later.

"Let her go", Nathan advises him gently. Lucas's eyes soften and he shakes his head.

"I can't little brother", the dark haired Scott sighs and shakes his head.

"You need to. You can mope and sulk. You can move on", he says forcefully and Lucas rolls his eyes before opening the front door. "Or, you can fight like Hell to get her back", Nathan calls out after him.

Lucas stops and turns around. Nathan makes a face to let him know that those are truly his options. His smiles at his smarter, younger brother and walks down the pathway.

Fight like Hell.

He steps into his Mustang and the engine roars. He pulls away from the curb and drives down the block. He's so lost in his own thoughts of what his brother has just said that he doesn't bother to check his rearview mirror.

If he did, he would have seen that classic car pull into his spot as he turned the corner.

_Still can feel you kiss me love  
Still can see your brown skin shine, shine  
Still can feel you kiss me love  
Come on and drive me wild  
Come on and drive me wild  
Come on and drive me wild_

They drive in silence; the only noise is the soft sounds of the radio coming in through the speakers. She knows she needs to go to Naley's house, but she knows the likelihood of Lucas being there is high and that's something she wants to put off.

"So this is Tree Hill", Julian muses from beside her. She looks over at him and smiles. "It's weird to be here . . . in the place where you grew up", he adds.

"You want the tour?" she asks as she kinks an eyebrow. He nods his head excitedly. "Alright, first stop, Tree Hill High."

The past few days he's spent with her have only helped to remind him why he fell in love with her in the first place. She's funny and quirky and she has a good heart. He's never seen this side of her though. There's something about being here, in her hometown, which makes her seem brighter.

"This is it."

Her voice hits his ears and breaks his thoughts. Right now the movie and locations is the farthest thing from his mind. He's seeing the places she walked and he's going to see the things that she holds closest to her.

"You walked around here in your cheerleading skirt?" he asks with a smirk. She blushes faintly and nods her head. "Wish I knew you then", he mumbles and she laughs loudly before smacking his chest.

"Please, I wasn't exactly the typical cheerleader . . ." she trails off and her eyes glaze over.

"Not exactly cheery?" he guesses. She rolls her eyes, but smiles anyway.

"This place holds a ton of memories", she whispers. He, naturally, knows exactly what she's talking about. The school shooting is a day that he's sure she carries around with her.

"You know I remember hearing about the shooting", he whispers as they drive to the next location. She doesn't say anything, but her grip around the wheel tightens. "When they made the announcement that someone had run _into_ the school instead of staying on the outside I thought it was crazy. I mean there aren't many girl's I'd run into a dangerous situation for – back then and now – it's a pretty heroic thing for someone our age to do", he says softly as he looks over at her. He doesn't know why he brings it up, maybe on some level he's trying to gage her reaction when Lucas is a topic.

She nods her head, not trusting her voice at the moment.

"_Now I may have to get you out of here okay? But, _nothing_ will happen to you, I promise" and he had never meant anything more in his entire life. He wanted her safe. He _needed_ her safe. _

_She gasped for a breath and looked up at him with glazed over eyes. "You're always saving me."_

"_Somebody's got to", he said simply. As though it was clear that he was always going to be her hero, the guy she could count on to save her._

_Her eyes filled with tears and the realization that this may be the last time she ever talks to Lucas Scott hit her hard. "If I say I love you right now will you hold it against me? Cause I've lost a lot of blood."_

_He smirked at the fact that she turned everything into a joke. He swallowed hard and didn't respond. The way she said it made it seem so final and desperate. Like she would never get to say it again._

"_Come here", she whispered tiredly. He leaned his ear in her direction, waiting for her to say something else, but instead her lips captured his own. He saw it coming, but didn't try to stop it. He didn't know why – well maybe he did. "Just in case you can't keep your promise."_

"It was a long time ago", she says after she clears her throat. She glances at the digital clock and sighs. It's getting late and she and Julian still need to change into their dress clothes; plus she wants to let Haley know that she's having two extra guests.

"We should probably head over to Nathan and Haley's house", she mumbles. He nods and feels a tug at his heart as she tries in vain to wipe away the stray tears that fall.

"So, think they'll like me?" he asks in an attempt to change the topic. She laughs a short, quick laugh and he furrows his brows. "Thanks", he mutters.

"No, it's not that", she assures him. "It's just that, they don't really like the idea of another guy", she says vaguely. Julian raises his brows.

"So, I'm a _guy_", he says suggestively. She blushes as they turn the corner onto the Scott's street. They've never discussed the idea of getting back together. Haven't even come close to it actually, but she assumes that somewhere along the line, down the road, they might be a thing again.

"Relax", he says as he places his hand on her knee. She parks the car and looks over at him. They both stare at each other and so neither of them notices the red Mustang that turns the corner. "It's gonna be okay."

She doesn't know if he means this trip or the relationship they might develop, but she does know that she feels a whole lot better because he's here.

"Let's go", she says and opens her door.

_I remember hearts that beat, yeah  
I remember you and me  
Tangled in hotel sheets (for hours)_

James Lucas Scott doesn't want a lot of things for Christmas. A new basketball, some nice sneakers, a few new video games for his Wii. But, what he really wants is for Peyton to come home.

He places his head in his hands and rests his elbows on the windowsill. He hopes he'll see her car or her curly hair. He loves her curly hair. He remembers playing with it when he would get to visit her. He'd pull on the end of it and it would spring back into place perfectly.

"He looks so sad", Haley muses as she sits beside Nathan. "It's Christmas Eve; he should be bouncing off the walls." Her husband sighs.

"He misses Peyton", he says simply. Haley nods and before either of them can say another word the house phone rings.

"I got it", she whispers and walks into the kitchen. Nathan runs a hand over his face and lets out a long breath. He doesn't want to see the pouty face of his six year old so he stands and walks into the dining room to help Brooke finish setting the table. The second he does someone jiggles the doorknob.

"Hello, hello", Peyton calls out as she walks into the house. Jamie's head snaps up and he takes off into a sprint for the front door.

"Peyton!" he yells and jumps into her waiting arms. She hugs him close and kisses the crown of his head. "I can't believe you're here", he whispers into her neck. She smiles and squeezes him gently.

"Where else would I be on Christmas?" she puts him down and Nathan walks into the room after having heard the muffled noises.

"Peyton?!" he half asks, half yells. He opens his arms and the second they're far enough apart she's jumping into them.

"You are an amazing man and an even better friend", she tells him seriously as she clasps his face between her hands. He knows she's talking about the conversation they had a few days ago and a steady blush fills his cheeks. She kisses his cheek and hugs him once more.

"Lucas is running a little late", Haley says as she walks into the room. She sees her blonde friend and smiles.

"Peyton!" she cheers and rushes to hug her. "What are you doing here?"

Peyton smiles and glances at her favorite little boy. "I had a special request", James grins and a soft blush fills his cheeks.

"What is it with the Scott's and Peyton?" Brooke questions teasingly as she walks into the room and picks up her godson. The room laughs and Julian smiles politely. It's weird to be here. In this atmosphere. He's spent so much time engrossed in the novel about them all that the fact they're here, living and breathing, blows his mind.

"Don't worry Aunt Brooke, you're still my favorite", he says and she hugs him closely. He sends a wink in Peyton's direction when he knows his godmother can't see and she drops her mouth.

"He really is a Scott", she mumbles. Julian laughs and it's the first time the others acknowledge him. Nathan raises a brow and steps forward.

"Nathan Scott", he says while extending his hand. Julian smiles and shakes his hand firmly.

"Julian Baker", he introduces himself. Brooke and Haley exchange silent glances and Nathan squints his eyes.

Peyton glances around at her friends and bites her lips. She takes the bags from Julian's other hand and places her hand on his chest.

"I'll go put these away", already knowing there wouldn't be a problem in staying in the guest bedroom. "You make friends", she pats his chest affectionately and glares at the other three in the room. Silently begging them to be nice.

She walks up the stairs with the two bags in her hands and can faintly hear her best friend introduce herself – needing to add in that she's a well known fashion designer – and smiles. Maybe this won't be too bad.

Maybe she and Julian can start something.

She opens the guest bedroom and throws the bags onto the bed. She sits on the edge for a minute and looks around. She's never been in this room before. Her heart pounds and her breath stops once she sees an all too familiar painting. The damn sky is hanging over a short bookcase. She blinks her eyes, but groans when she realizes that her mind isn't playing tricks on her. She quickly gets up and pulls it from the wall. She frantically rips open the closet door and throws it in there; slamming the door shut after it.

Needing to take her mind off of that minor anxiety attack she opens her bag and pulls out her dress for the evening. She lays it on the bed and checks her curls in the mirror behind her. They've remained in tact; much to her surprise and pleasure, the last thing she wants to do is re-curl her hair.

She takes off her clothes and slips into her red dress. She applies a fresh coat of makeup and is about to walk out the door, but stops. Julian still needs to change and if she knows him like she used to he'll throw anything on and call it an outfit. She sighs and walks over to his bag. She pulls out a dress shirt and a suitable pair of slacks before searching for a tie. Instead of a silky material, her hand hits a hard object.

She furrows her brows and lifts it out of the bag. Her heart stops yet again. It's a book. Not just any book . . . _An Unkindness of Ravens_ is in her hands. She shakes her head. He wouldn't even go near this book when they were together. She opens it to the marked page; the bookmark is an old picture of them. It's endearing and for a second she doesn't see all the highlighted sections.

Once she does, her blood boils.

_Still can feel you kiss me love  
Still can see your brown skin shine, shine  
Still can feel you kiss me love  
Come on and drive me wild_

"So, how do you know Peyton?" Nathan asks with a stoic face. Julian clears his throat and takes a sip of the water Haley brought him. He feels incredibly uncomfortable without Peyton here. He also gets the feeling they're more then clued in to who _he_ is.

"Umm, LA . . . well obviously", he mutters to himself. He might as well ease into his past. "We actually used to date", Brooke's eyes light up with recognition.

"You're rebound boy?" her voice rasps. His face falls. He likes to think he was more then that to her. Before he can add anything Nathan speaks up.

"Rebound boy?" again Julian flinches at the name. Brooke nods.

"After your idiot brother left her in that hotel room, she shacked up with someone. I never knew his name though."

"Well, it wasn't _right_ after", Julian tries to say, but it falls on deaf ears.

"You dated Peyton too?" Jamie asks with big eyes. The thought of Peyton having three boyfriends astounds him. Julian chuckles and nods his head. Haley opens her mouth, but the sounds of heels against the wooden stairs stop her.

"Thank God", he mutters to himself. He stands to greet Peyton, but quickly notices that this isn't going to be too pleasant.

"You son of a bitch!" she yells as she charges at him. Jamie's mouth drops and he looks over at his mother.

"Peyton", Haley says through clenched teeth.

"Sorry Hales, but there's more where that came from", she warns her friend. Haley grabs Jamie's elbow and drags him from the room.

"I knew you could be devious and a real jackass, but you've never pulled it with me! I cannot believe I was considering getting back together with you!" she yells to herself and everyone's eyes widen.

"Peyton, I can explain –"

"I'm sure you can. You always can! God, I'm so dumb. Lucas gets a call about a movie deal and then I see you and you're producing a movie, I just never in a million years thought it would be this movie! You wouldn't even fucking read this when we were together."

"Because it would have been too hard", he argues. If it's one thing he and Peyton have always had its passion. They're both incredibly stubborn and neither back down from a fight.

She rolls her eyes. "And you were so willing to come here! Why not scout out the locations for free, right?" she screams and throws the book at him.

She stops to catch her breath and she's brought back to that night almost 2 years ago.

"_You said I was great!" a copy of his book hit the brick wall behind him. "You said _I_ could be great!" another copy barely missed his head. "You said we were _destined_ to be together!" she thought that copy actually did hit him. "You said it to the world, you said it to me, and I wish you _never_ had because you did not mean _any_ of it!"_

She can't breathe. She gasps loudly and everyone takes a step in her direction; concern etched into their features. She still can't breathe! She pushes past Julian and bursts through the front door.

The cold air hits her bare shoulders and a chill runs through her body. Her legs take her to the sidewalk before she can actually take in a deep breath. She was wrong. Being here is too much to handle. Her eyes burn and she wants nothing more then to cry.

Lucas thinks he's seeing things. Actually, he's more then certain that he's seeing things. There's no way that she's here, in Tree Hill. He gets closer and can feel his chest tighten. She is real. It's like every dream he's for the past few weeks is coming true.

He walks up to her with determination in his steps. He's going to take his brother's advice. _Fight like Hell_. He slides up beside her and she stops pacing. He looks at her and notices that she's wearing red. The color's always been a trademark of Brooke Davis, but he can't deny that Peyton looks hot. It's tight around her chest and flares out just before her knees. Her long legs shine in the moonlight.

"Hey Peyton . . ."

There's a beat of silence and she doesn't dare look at him. She can feel his eyes on her and she knows exactly what he's thinking. She remembers that day in senior year, Nathan and Haley's second wedding. The way the words spilled from his mouth were so natural and sincere that they sent a shiver up her spine. Well, not this time. She begins to walk away, but his voice stops her in her tracks.

"You look nice."

Damn him.

_Still can feel you kiss me love  
Still can see your eyes like diamonds, diamonds  
Memories are strong enough  
To come on and drive me wild  
Come on and drive me wild_

_

* * *

_

Let me know what you think! Next chapter is Christmas part 2.

And Monday's episode! If she has cancer I will die, but I'm hoping for a baby.


	9. Are We Fading Out?

**I still don't own it, nor do I own "Tested & True" by Secondhand Serenade.**

I listened to like 17 different songs for this chapter; no joke – and I still don't know how happy I am with this one.

Once again, I love you all for your reviews. I can't say it enough.

Lindsey's been brought up by some of you and I feel like a tool because I haven't made it a bigger point, but I guess this chapter is a better way to broadcast it, but there have been other things in the earlier chapters that gave it away. I guess you have to read closely.

Alright, so I just wanted to let you all know that LP are going to have a bumpy road. Things won't be easy and sometimes they'll be downright hard. But, they'll have their good moments too of course.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Superstitions aren't meant for lovers  
Under covers, undiscovered is your skin  
I am lonely, please let me in  
You're probably wondering what I was proving  
Are you choosing?  
Am I losing you tonight?  
Is it over, over?_

Lucas walks up the pathway and smiles at the fact that she hasn't followed him yet. She's frozen in her spot and he smirks at the fact that he still has the ability to do that to her. Especially after everything.

He walks into the house he was in earlier and heads in the direction of the voices. He knows his brother's here and of course Haley, Brooke's around too and that must mean Owen's present, but there's another voice that he can't quite pinpoint. It's a man's and it makes him furrow his brows. He feels like he's heard it before, but he can't for the life of him figure out when or where. When he steps into the dining room he stops.

"Julian?" the producer rises and walks in his direction. "Hey man, what are you doing here?" he asks as they shake hands. The others in the room share a silent decision not to bring anything up. They are staying far away from this topic.

Before he can answer Peyton walks back into the room and Julian's eyes are quickly averted, but he clears his throat and answers Lucas's question. "Well, since the movie deal is taking off, I was hoping to get some inside information", he says with a grin. Business is business and he feels bad about everything that happened before, but this movie is his baby. Lucas makes a face, but nods. He guesses that's a normal thing.

The blonde man feels Peyton's presence behind him, but for now does nothing. He's got all night, maybe even all week with her so as far as he's concerned there's plenty of time. He walks over to the others and greets them again. Julian takes a step in Peyton's direction.

"Peyton, can we talk?" he asks quietly. She shakes her head; her curls swishing with the movements. She doesn't want to talk to anyone; she just wants to get through this stupid holiday.

"It smells great, Hales", she says with a smile after ignoring him completely. Her brunette friend smiles gratefully and shrugs bashfully. Her mom senses kick in and even though her back is facing the kitchen she yells out;

"Owen Morello, you better get your finger out of that homemade cranberry sauce!" the rugged brunette freezes and Peyton can only smile. He quickly pulls his hand from the saucepan and runs into the hallway. The blonde's heart constricts. She's missed out on a lot. Of course, she's close with all of them, but she's missed them develop friendships of their own.

They've all gotten so close in the 19 months since she's left. This is obvious as she watches Lucas's attempt at tasting the same sauce. His blue eyes are focused on Haley and his pointer finger slowly makes its way to the pan. Brooke comes – seemingly out of nowhere- and swats it away playfully. He makes a face and she shakes her head. He rolls his eyes and sulks from the kitchen. Once its clear Brooke sticks her finger in the pan and then her mouth; a satisfied smile on her lips.

"I miss you guys", Peyton finds herself whispering. Haley's shocked for a moment, but she nods and smiles.

"**We** miss you too." Peyton ignores the stress she puts on that first word and pulls her in for a quick hug. They break apart and Brooke walks into the room.

"Dinners ready!" she announces with a smile. They all file into the kitchen to help bring the food into the dining room. When Peyton goes to walk forward Julian reaches for her hand.

"Can we please talk?" she wants to shoot him down. Tell him absolutely not, but there's a look in his eyes that makes her nod her head. It reminds her of the first time he ever told her he loved her. The insecure, unsure, and scared way his eyes glinted at her that day will forever be burned into her mind.

He leads her into the hallway and she pulls her hand from his in order to wrap her arms around herself. They stand in silence for a long moment. She can only assume Julian's trying to gather his thoughts.

The second he opens his mouth she whips out a comment; "Gonna tell more lies?" she asks bitterly. He shakes his head and curses under his breath.

"I wasn't lying", he counters. "I . . . I don't know why I didn't say anything", he mumbles truthfully. She shakes her head. This was pointless. He begins to ramble, but she isn't listening. Her thoughts drift back to her encounter with Lucas; she doesn't know how he always manages to know what to say to fluster her.

He looks good tonight. He's wearing a black sweater and the collar of his green dress shirt neatly sticks out of the neck of the sweater. He's wearing black slacks and he's freshly shaven, his hair's messy, but in a way that lets her know he tried to make it look like that. She doesn't even start listening until she hears his name spill from Julian's lips.

"I guess I just didn't want to bring him up. I mean you guys just separated and I can only imagine –"

"What?" she asks with a laugh. He furrows his brows. "Lucas and I haven't even been a couple for like five years", even saying that sentence makes her want to sob. He shakes his head, almost in disbelief.

"No, when I met with him in LA he said you guys hadn't worked out, he has a tan line around his finger", he rambles. Her heart stops. Tan line? She shakes her head; he must have forgotten to put it on that day.

None of her friends have said anything.

"You know what happens when you assume something right?" she teases. In hindsight she can understand why he wouldn't say anything. He didn't want to bring up painful memories. He laughs and shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry", he says sincerely. She nods her head and waves her hand at him. Jamie comes out of the bathroom and walks past Peyton.

"Mistletoe", he says simply. He announces it anytime anyone is standing beneath it. He keeps walking and passes his uncle.

"Hey J. Luke", Lucas says with a grin as he ruffles his godsons hair. James ducks away from him and smoothes his hair. He grumbles a 'hello' and keeps walking.

The table was set and everyone was ready to eat, but they were missing two people. Lucas offered to find Peyton and Julian. It was odd that they were both missing, but he hadn't thought anything of it. When he turns the corner he stops instantly.

He watches as Julian bows his head before wrapping his arm around Peyton's waist. He pulls her close and places a soft, chaste kiss to her lips.

He whips around the corner he just turned and rests his back against it. A million different emotions course through his body. The one that stands out the most is the voice that's screaming at him to stride over there and punch Julian Baker in the face. He shakes his head.

A silent mantra of its Christmas repeats in his mind as he heads for the dining room.

"Did you see Peyton or Julian or your uncle?" Haley asks as she sits at the table patiently. Jamie nods and swings his feet through the air.

"Uncle Luke was in the hall and Julian and Peyton were under the mistletoe", he doesn't know the depth that sentence has and everyone can feel the tension heighten. Even more so when Lucas walks into the room and plops into his chair without a word; something clearly happened.

Peyton and Julian walk in a minute later. They hadn't discussed the kiss because the second he pulled away Peyton blinked and shook her head and then retreated to the room. Nobody says a word and after Nathan clears his throat and says grace, Brooke grumbles;

"Merry friggin' Christmas."

_Are we fading?_

_I never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running to  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true_

Lucas makes it through dinner without punching Julian in the face and he's incredibly proud of that fact. He places his fork on the plate and rubs his full stomach.

"Haley James that was amazing", he complements. She blushes.

"These dishes are gonna be amazing", she says with a laugh as she begins to stand.

"No way", Lucas says. She sits back down and he places Jamie's plate atop his before picking them both up. "You relax", he picks up his brothers plate and looks at Brooke. "Come on, Cheery", he says with a grin.

She shakes her head and holds up her hands. "Not gonna happen, Broody. New manicure", she wiggles her fingers for an added effect and Haley sighs before standing once more.

"No", Peyton says and all eyes fall on her. "You cooked me dinner and I'm staying in your house. Dishes are the least I could do", she says with a smile while placing Julian's plate on hers and picking them up.

She's trying not to focus on the fact that she'll be in the same room as Lucas alone, for more then five minutes. Nathan must sense this because he quips; "This is my house too . . . what are you gonna do for me?"

She laughs loudly and looks at him thankfully. "I'm going to stay your best friend", she teases back. He chuckles loudly and she walks into the kitchen. Lucas already has his sleeves rolled up and is up to his elbows in soapy water. She walks over to him and places the other dirty dishes into the empty half of the sink to rinse them off.

"So, where's your mom and Lily and Andy?" she asks after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. He clears his throat.

"New York. They'll be here tomorrow", he says mechanically. She sighs and nods her head. Another few minutes go by and she sighs louder.

"Are we seriously not even going to talk?" she asks incredulously. Lucas looks at her from the corner of his eye. Her bangs have fallen in front of her green eyes and he wants to brush them away. He suddenly fills with anger.

"Fine let's talk . . . how do you know Julian?" she stops drying the dishes and looks over at him.

"Julian's a move producer, I work in music. We were bound to cross paths especially because we both live in LA", she hates how the lie spills from her mouth.

He hates that she lies at all.

"So I heard a rumor", she begins softly. "You and Lindsey aren't together anymore?" he tenses and she bites her lip. Maybe she shouldn't have brought it up.

"No, we're not", he mutters. "After my mom's wedding she came back with divorce papers", he whispers. Her heart clenches.

"Luke, I'm sorry."

"Don't", he says forcefully. "Don't be sorry and don't say you're sorry. The last thing I need is your pity."

"It's not pity", she says honestly. "I know you love her", it's hard for her to say it, but she wants to try and establish a friendship.

He laughs bitterly. "Sometimes love isn't enough", he looks at her pointedly and she shakes her head.

"You are unbelievable!"

"Me?" he questions as he pulls his arms from the sink. "At least I never lied about my relationship!"

"What the Hell does that mean?" she asks as she throws the dishtowel onto the counter. He opens his mouth, but closes it quickly. He wants her back. He doesn't want to push her away. He shakes his head and she steps in front of him when he tries to move away. "Tell me, Lucas."

"You're with Julian", he says simply although every syllable goes right through his heart. She takes a step back and looks to the ground.

"Why do you . . . how can you – when did anyone", she stops herself because she sounds like a complete idiot. Suddenly he's petrified as to what else he might know. He laughs again and powerfully grabs the towel to dry his hands.

"It all makes sense now", he says more to himself. "I've been calling you and texting you and I even sent some e-mails. I knew I screwed up, but I still thought you'd respond to _something_", he sounds so hurt and lost that she wants to tell him she dialed his number a million times, but never hit the send button. She typed just as many texts, but they all became saved drafts. And she wrote half as many e-mails, but ultimately hit the small X in the upper corner. She really almost says all of this until he opens his mouth again;

"I should have guessed you'd be sleeping with a random guy", he sneers out. Her face drops and he wants to take it back. He wants so badly to tell her that he didn't mean it. But he doesn't get the chance.

"Fuck you, Lucas", she spits out as she starts to walk away. His heart is pounding in his ears in the worst way and he can feel more words boiling over.

"Shouldn't they're be and _I'll_ in front of that sentence?" she stops short and he watches as her shoulders slouch. He closes his eyes. He really hadn't meant for that to come out. He didn't even mean it.

She turns around and he sees the tears pool in her eyes. "Not that you deserve to know this now, but I'm not sleeping with him. I never slept with any of the guys that hit on me at TRIC after you got married. It was all talk. I really thought you knew me better", she whispers and when she blinks the tears trail down her flushed cheeks.

"Peyton, I'm –"

"I know you're going through a lot and I know that things between us have been . . . _tense_, but I really cannot believe you just said _any_ of those things to me", she shakes her head and all he wants to do is pull her into his arms and whisper sweet words into her ear. He needs to take away the cruel things he said.

"I didn't mean –"

She cuts him off once more. "Don't bother", she whispers. "It's too far gone . . . we're too far gone", she says sadly. The second she leaves the kitchen he picks up a glass and hurls it against the wall.

So much for getting her back.

_Now you've had your chance  
So lets try my way, its my day  
To show you what you're missing, turn around  
And feel the winds of change upon your face again  
The warm breath of your closest friend  
I'm waiting, I'm waiting_

_Are we fading?_

On Christmas morning Peyton walks out of her bedroom and into the living room; following the soft, excited voice of Jamie. Her footsteps slow and she smiles at Nathan who's sitting on the couch. Haley walks in a second alter with a mug of coffee.

"Merry Christmas! You want some coffee?" she asks in her motherly tone. Peyton nods and rubs her sleepy eyes with her hands. Nathan pats the couch and she shuffles over to him.

"He's in a total present zone", Nathan whispers about his son. James hasn't acknowledged the fact that Peyton's in the room. She laughs and rests her head against his shoulder. "Rough night?" he teases, but he also knows that to an extent it was.

"I couldn't sleep at all", she admits. He throws his arm around her shoulder and sighs.

"You still don't wanna tell me about it?" he prods. Last night after the loud crash that came from the kitchen the slamming of a bedroom door followed. Within an instant Nathan was on his feet and in the kitchen. Lucas was cleaning up the glass and he refused to talk about anything. Peyton had the same feeling.

"It's Christmas", she whispers. "I just wanna get through the week", he nods and that's when his son runs over to them.

"Thanks so much for the gift, Peyton!" Jamie yells as he jumps onto her lap. She laughs and hugs him close. She got him some extra things for his Wii. All she knows is that he can sit on it and play the video games he wants. She's seen commercials for it all over; 'telephone, a game you can't play with your butt.' She knew the little boy would love it and she figured Nathan and Skills wouldn't mind it either.

"Time for breakfast", Haley announces as she comes back into the room. "Do you want to wake Julian?" she asks hesitantly. Peyton shakes her head and stands from the plush couch. The last thing she wants is more time with Julian. She knows they need to talk about the kiss, but she too drained emotionally.

Haley nods and they all begin to head for the kitchen until the six year olds voice stops them;

"There's one for Peyton!" Jamie's voice yells. The blonde furrows her brows. She slowly walks back over to Jamie and wonders what in the world it could be. None of her friends had decided on giving gifts and Julian didn't mention anything about a present.

James runs over to her with a grin on his boyish face. He holds out the gift and shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't get it either. In his mind, Santa found out she was staying somewhere else.

It's a newspaper with a dark red ribbon tied neatly around it and a white tag that has her name written in bold sharpie marker. Her brows furrow even more. She looks up at Nathan and he shrugs, Haley does the same. She undoes the bow and folds open the paper. She isn't even sure what to look for, but she turns the pages with a purpose.

That's when she sees it.

It's the tag name she used in high school and a title that she had never put to the piece of art. The heart slowly fades away because of the tide and she remembers that night so well.

**A Washed Away Love. **

**By Sake.**

She knows the name and she knows the drawing. She could have sworn she still had it with her though, she never thought she left it in TRIC. Her fingers trace over the three boxes and her heart stops beating. She doesn't want to think about who did this because he could have been the only person to do this.

She drew it after giving him her goodbye. This was her way of letting go. A lot of good that did. Nathan clears his throat.

"What is it?" her eyes meet his and she shakes her head.

"Nothing, it's nothing", she mutters and folds the paper back up. She accidentally turns over the white tag. Her breath escapes her at what's written by that same sharpie marker.

_**Your art matters.**_

Oh it's definitely something.

_I never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running to  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true_

Two days later they're all entering TRIC. Karen's still in town and she's watching Jamie so the adults are having a night to themselves. Peyton holds her breath like she has been for the past few days. She still has not talked to Julian and she hasn't spoken a word to Lucas. It's just not something she's looking forward to.

They all make a B-line for the bar and before she can get two steps forward someone's stopping her. She turns around and meets Julian's questioning eyes.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but Peyton, we kissed two days ago", he says softly. "You've been avoiding me like the plague which is hard because we sleep in the same room. I just need to know if I was totally crazy in doing it", his shoulders slouch and it represents the insecure side only she sees.

"You weren't crazy", she mutters. "It's just, there's a lot going on around here and –"

"Like Lucas?" he questions softly. She shakes her head.

"It's not about him", maybe a little bit of it is, but she isn't going to tell him that.

"I get it. I spent nearly two years sharing you with him", he sounds bitter and he knows it, but he doesn't care. She sighs.

"Look, can I get through this week and we'll talk when we get back to LA?" she pleads with him and he nods.

"I'm sorry", he whispers to her. "I just didn't want it to get brushed under the rug", she reaches her hand up and caresses his cheek caringly. He leans into her touch and smiles shyly.

"We'll talk about it, I promise."

Lucas watches from beside his brother and can feel the anger flow. This is ridiculous! Nathan raises an eyebrow and hands his brother a shot.

"Easy there bro", he advises. Lucas glares at him and throws the shot back. The liquid burns, but he doesn't care. The girls have already gotten a table and he watches as Peyton and Julian walk to meet them.

He slides into the booth beside Peyton and then drapes his arm over the top of the seats. It's harmless really, but it still makes Lucas cringe. Nathan shakes his head.

"Seriously Lucas, you need to stop this", his brother's blue eyes meet his and he can see the hurt reflecting in his eyes. "I know it sucks, but you haven't done anything to step up and –"

"How can I do anything when she brings a guy home?" he asks angrily. Nathan scoffs.

"Peyton being with someone else hasn't stopped you from wanting her or being near her before. It shouldn't play a part now."

Lucas looks away and pounds down the new drink that was placed in front of him. He has done something. He left that paper under the tree because he thought she would like it, maybe it would even make her feel nostalgic. But, she hasn't said anything to him – he also doesn't really expect her to. The way he yelled at her the other day, he shakes his head.

"We got into a fight", he whispers and Nathan nods.

"We heard the raised voices and then I walked in on you cleaning up the glass", Lucas swallows hard.

"It just sucks because every time I think I'm going to get somewhere I take three giant leaps back. All I want to do is hold her hand or tuck that piece of hair behind her ear because then I would be able to look into her eyes", he looks away and Nathan places his hand on his brothers back.

"You can't give up", Nathan says in a stark contrast to his former threats. Lucas gives him a confused look and he says; "Lucas and Peyton are the couple that millions of people fell in love with and they didn't even get to see it in person. You guys are supposed to be together. Soon enough things will stop getting in the way or maybe you'll talk through your issues."

Lucas looks at his brother more thankful then ever for having him in his life. He throws his arm around his shoulder and brings him in for a brotherly half hug.

"Thanks man", he says sincerely. Nathan waves him off and clears his throat; more then ready for this girly talk to be over with.

"You ready to head over there?" he asks as he nods to the booth. Lucas shakes his head.

"I'm gonna hang out here for a bit", Nathan hesitates, but after Lucas assures him he's fine the dark haired Scott joins his friends. He must tell them that Lucas isn't coming along because all their eyes; Peyton included, land on him.

He internally rolls his eyes, but he holds up his glass and motions that he's waiting for another drink. They seem satisfied with that motion because they all return to their conversations.

Except Peyton.

_I'm scared well fall apart tonight  
Under the moonlight, under the moonlight  
I'm scared well never make it right  
Under the moonlight, under the moonlight  
Take my hand and hold it tight  
Hold it tight_

Hours pass and he's still seated at this bar. He watches from his stool as she and Julian dance on the wooden floor. It's innocent and seemingly friendly, but when Julian leans in to tell her something he can feel his blood boil. He knows on some level this other guy is leaning in because the music is so loud, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to march over there and rip them apart.

He has to tear his gaze away.

He sits at the bar with a scowl on his face. The glass of scotch sits in his hand and he squeezes it every once and a while. His leg shakes and he clenches his teeth. "No", a raspy voice commands as she slides up beside him. He looks at her. "No", she says again. He raises his eyebrows. "You are not allowed to be this Jealous Lucas", she says simply.

He drops his mouth indignantly. "Why the Hell not?" he asks. She looks at him incredulously and he waits patiently for her valid reason. "She was kissing my movie producer!" he exclaims. She places her drink on the bar and slaps the back of his head.

"You kissed me the day after you broke up with her!" she shouts at a whisper. He looks down. "That's why you have no right to be mad. The day after you left her you tried to hook up with me", there's a beat of silence and then she adds. "You _married_ Lindsey", there's a pain behind her words and Lucas knows it's the pain that her best friend holds.

She walks away after that; knowing he couldn't possibly have a response. Their friends leave and eventually it's just Lucas and Peyton. Julian left her because he needed to read over the almost finished screenplay. It's late and he's pretty tired, but he will not leave Peyton here.

She's pissed him off more tonight then he ever thought possible. She's flirted with Julian and danced to every type of song imaginable. Since he left she's talked to other guys and they've bought her drinks. Right now she's talking to that guy from Brooke's boutique opening; the bartender that was hitting on her. He doesn't know how she manages to find these people, but she always has a way of making it sting a little more.

He's getting ahead of himself because he doesn't even know if she's doing all this on purpose, but it doesn't stop him from getting angry when she rests her hand on his forearm. A second later she turns her head and he can see the smirk that forms on her lips when she notices that he's staring. He's on his feet and beside her in an instant.

"I'm going", he says forcefully. "You want me to walk you home?" he glares at the bartender she's talking to and the man scurries away. She frowns and shakes her head. The last time they talked he ended up screaming at her and basically called her a whore. After two days of silence those are the first words he chooses to say to her?

"I'm gonna stay, you have fun", she says while tapping his shoulder once and then turns to walk away. Lucas feels his frustration and anger reach the limit.

He grabs her forearm and pulls her back towards him. He ignores the look of shock and mild pain on her flawless face and brings his head down to her level. Her eyes widen at the thought of what he might do. He parts his lips and growls out;

"None of them are good enough for you."

And then he leaves.

_I never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running to  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true_

_Are we fading out?_

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	10. This Doesn't Need To Be The End

**Still don't own it, nor do I own "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas.**

Amazing song!!

So, thanks for not wanting to kill me with the JuPe kiss in the last chapter and I know LP left things terribly, but this chapter will open some things up, for a bit.

Drama packed; and a bit . . . _adult_ (catch the drift?)

Enjoy!

* * *

_We were drawn from the weeds  
We were brave like soldiers  
Falling down under the pale moonlight  
You were holding to me  
Like a someone broken  
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now_

She doesn't know what propels her forward. It could be the seven drinks she had tonight. It could be the fact that he left his jacket here. It could also be the fact that she is incredibly pissed.

After he left her in TRIC she stood in that same spot and stared at the stairs he had descended. She shook her head and walked over to his seat to grab his jacket. She knows it isn't possible, but in the blink of an eye she's standing in front of his door. She takes a deep breath and barges in.

"You have a lot of nerve!" she yells. He's lying in bed with a book in his hands and for a moment she's speechless. He looks so much like the teenage boy she fell in love with that she forgets why she's even here to begin with.

He stands and walks over to her and she can feel every muscle in her body tense. His arms extend and he takes the jacket from her shoulders. It got a little cold on the way over. The warmth leaves her shoulders and so does his smell.

"You have nothing to say _now_?" she barks. She needs to stay angry because otherwise she'll crumble and he doesn't deserve to get away with anything he's said or done. He tosses his jacket onto the chair in his room and looks at her. He _really_ looks at her.

She's in a little black dress that shows off all her best assets. Her hair is perfectly curled and her makeup is minimal, but flawless. He looks past that – sees past that – for the first time . . . well ever maybe. He hasn't wanted to acknowledge the fact that he hurt her. He knows he did, but he's never dared to look for it. As he does, he wishes he didn't.

She's broken.

Totally and completely broken.

"Say something!" she demands as she pushes against his chest. He's been full of words tonight, he's had something to say for the past few days, but now he's empty? Void of words? She laughs bitterly.

He isn't proud of how he's acted. He never in a million years thought he would say the things he's said to her and he never thought he'd do the things he's done. He just can't stand to see Peyton with other guys.

He can't stand to see Peyton move on.

"I'm sorry", her eyes fly up to meet his blue ones and she's stunned into silence. He's apologizing? She definitely isn't expecting him to say that. "I never wanted this for us, Peyt. I never wanted to be so far off base with you –"

"Could have fooled me", she grumbles. He shakes his head. She takes a deep breath and glances to the floor. "You can't say things like that to me, Luke", she whispers. "Telling me that none of them are good enough for me . . . it isn't fair and you have no right to –"

"Why can't I?" it's an honest question. He doesn't know why he isn't allowed to feel the way he feels.

She stares at him in shock and shakes her head. "You got married, Lucas", she whispers and he feels the pain in her words. It's been hard to hear other people say those words, but hearing them leave her perfect lips causes his head to drop and his heart to ache.

"It's not fair that you can go off and get married and stay married for over a year, but the slight glimmer of me trying to move on causes you to _freak_ out!"

"Peyton –" he's trying to stay calm and be rational, but she cuts him off before he gets the chance to speak.

"This wouldn't even be happening if I hadn't brought Julian home", she doesn't know why she says it, but the second she does his entire mood changes.

"Where is your boyfriend?" he questions through a locked jaw. She folds her arms over her stomach and looks at him with a wounded face. That fades away and she's angry again. He's so resentful and he doesn't have any right to be.

"He isn't my boyfriend!" she barks out. They're standing a few feet apart and Lucas takes a step in her direction; she takes one step back.

"Then why were you kissing him?" he growls out. Her anger still lingers and as childish as it may be she wants to see him cringe.

"What does it matter, Luke?" she taunts. "Scared his kisses might do more for me then yours ever could?" she doesn't know if on some unconscious level she's challenging him, but Lucas sees it as a challenge.

He stalks towards her and the second he's close enough for her to feel his body heat she shivers. He smirks and she hates it. He doesn't need to kiss her.

His very presence sends her body into overdrive.

"Could have fooled me", he echoes her earlier words. She glares at him; her greens eyes turning cold. This is suddenly too much.

"I should go", she mutters and takes two steps diagonal from him. That's as far as she gets because his hand grabs her wrist and pulls her back. She doesn't know what it is exactly. Maybe he pulled a little too hard. Maybe the alcohol she drank is finally kicking in. Maybe she wants to have no way out of this. Whatever the reason; she makes contact with his closed bedroom door.

And that's when he kisses her.

It doesn't last for more then five seconds, but in those five seconds he feels everything he could ever need to. Those five seconds make the world seem brighter and safer. He feels complete in every possible way.

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me?" she questions loudly as she pushes him away. Her face is flushed and her lips are pouty. "You can't just kiss me and make it all better!"

He stays silent because he's knows she's right. He's fucked up more times then he should be allowed and he's so incredibly sorry. He's an ass and a fool and a total moron! He goes to say all of these things, but is stopped short.

Because she's suddenly tugging at the bottom of his white t-shirt.

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart  
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

She seriously thinks she has something wrong with her. She's just screamed at him for kissing her and now she's trying to rip his clothes off; she just can't explain it. That kiss leaves her wanting more. She needs to feel the warmth of his body.

Once the shirt's discarded she balls it up and throws it somewhere else. She looks at his body and sighs inaudibly. He's so much of a man that it makes her ache to be with him. Lucas watches with clouded eyes as she raises her hands and rakes her short nails up his abdomen and to his broad shoulders. They trail down his arms and over his biceps; they stop at his wrists. Before she can pull away he grabs her hands and interlocks their fingers.

He doesn't know what this is. He doesn't know what this means. He just doesn't want to give her the chance to run. So, he holds her hands and leans into her body. Her heart pounds in her ears.

"I love my Christmas gift", she whispers so softly if he wasn't as close as he is he wouldn't have heard it. But, he is close and he does hear it and he grins.

All he's wanted for the past few days was for her to bring it up. He kept it for months and only recently thought to make it known. It was clear that it was about their love and he wasn't sure he wanted that displayed, but after he came back from LA and that meeting with Julian he knew he needed to do something. He went to Thud the very next day and submitted the drawing. That's why he thinks she appreciates it more. She knows it wasn't done the night of Christmas Eve in a desperate attempt to keep her from being mad.

"I'm glad", he whispers back. He licks his lips and leans his head down to hers. This kiss is slow and sensual. And Peyton loses herself in it. They stand like that for hours . . . minutes . . . seconds; neither really knows.

Kissing in his bedroom with only their lips and hands touching; interlocked.

It still isn't enough though. This time it's Lucas that makes the move. He unclasps their hands and wraps his arms around her waist. They trail up her back and stop at the small zipper. She can feel his eyes on her so she meets them in the darkness of his room. They keep their gazes locked while his thumb and pointer fingers grasp the tiny piece of metal and drag it down the length of her body.

Once it's completely unzipped he steps back and watches as it falls to the floor. She's not wearing a bra and he can feel himself stop breathing. Her black thong is the only piece of clothing left and with the need to feel her, he pulls her close. He groans at the feel of her naked chest pressed against his.

She lifts her head and kisses him frantically. Her tongue slips into his mouth and it dances with his in a fiery manner. He's pressed against her and she's more then aware that he's in the mood to continue this. Their bodies are slick with perspiration and before this can go on she needs to know something which is why she unhooks his arms from her waist and takes a step back.

"Why'd Lindsey leave you?" she asks breathlessly. It's one of the most random questions she's ever asked him and she isn't expecting an answer; well, actually she is. She wants to hear the answer straight from his mouth.

"I couldn't get my ex-girlfriend out of my mind", he husks between pants of air. It wasn't until she stopped kissing him that he realizes he hadn't taken a breath. She closes her eyes and thinks that's the best thing she's heard in years. Regardless, she can't help but to spew out a witty comment;

"Brooke?" she teases.

For the first time in a long time it feels like it used to. When they were kids and in love. Her backs pressed against his door and one foot is also, causing her knee to bend outwards. He's leaning into her and one hand is against that same door. They used to stand like this in the halls; only not half naked. She would be in her cheer uniform and he'd either be in his dress shirt and slacks or his basketball uniform. She'd run her hands through his hair or thread his undone die through her fingers. He'd run one of his fingers along the exposed flesh where her shirt and skirt met.

He shakes his head; those same thoughts standing out. "No, the other one", he teases back. "Gorgeous girl – crazy blonde curls, intense green eyes, and killer legs", he says with a thick voice. His free hand lands on her kneecap and she bites her lip at the feel of his calloused hand working its way up to her thigh.

His touch sparks a fire that's been smoldering for years. Her hands reach out and she unties the drawstring of his flannel pajama pants. He bites his lip to keep his the noises from escaping his mouth. The clothing pools to the floor and he hooks her leg around his waist. His erection presses against her core and she throws her head back before finding his lips.

Its pain and pleasure wrapped into one. It feels so unbelievably good to be this close to him again, but it's still not enough. She wants to become him. To be one with him. Which is why she leaves his lips and moves down his neck.

"I need you Luke", she whispers between kisses.

He pushes further into her and she lets out a cry of delight. The friction is too much and causes Lucas to grunt loudly. He kisses her neck and his other hand leaves the door in order to massage her breast. It's great, but she still needs more. She hooks her fingers into the brim of his boxer briefs and whimpers almost in pain;

"I need to feel you."

_Fall on me  
Tell me everything you want me to be  
Forever with you forever in me  
Ever the same_

He stops his actions and cups her face in his large hands. His nose nuzzles against her own and he places gentle kisses to her cheeks and lips. He wants this to mean something.

He _needs_ this to mean _everything_.

"I'm still in love with you", he whispers passionately.

Her eyes instantly water and she opens her mouth. The words are there, at the back of her throat. She loves him. Obviously she loves him. But she doesn't say them back. Instead she rocks her hips forward and kisses his neck slowly. He makes a small amount of space between their bodies and she pushes the underwear down to his thighs; it's up to him to remove them the rest of the way and he accomplishes the task flawlessly.

He trails his hand up her leg and to her thigh before cupping her ass and moving his hand inwards. She's as wet as he is hard and he lets out a deep breath. His hand grabs her other leg and once both her feet are off the floor he carries them to his bed. He lays her atop it and her hair creates a halo around her head that makes him suck in a breath.

When she came here tonight she never would have guessed that they would be doing this. Or about to be doing this. Lucas crawls up the bed and along her body. His two fingers dance along the rim of her thong. She arches her back in a swift motion they're off and thrown somewhere.

She needs more.

She'll always need more.

She lifts her head and kisses him again. It isn't lost on him that she never said it back. He told her he loved her – he was still in love with her and she tried to deflect it. He wants to ignore the pang in his heart, but he can't. Lucas reciprocates the kiss because really, how can he not?

Her nails rake down his back and the muscles quiver under her touch. His mouth lays kisses over her collar bone and the hollow of her throat before working down. The cleavage of her breasts and her stomach are showered with hot, open mouth kisses and then his tongue trails its way back up. Her lotion is mixed with her sweat and its quote possibly the most delicious thing he's ever tasted.

He takes one of her breasts into his mouth and she's lost. After that it's a haze of kisses and touches and gasps. Strokes and moans. Panting and the best kind of giggles.

But it all stops when he enters her.

It's been five long years since they've done this and he has no idea why. They fit together so perfectly that it _just makes sense_. She sighs. This is exactly the closeness she's needed.

He pushes in and out of her and she moans his name like a song a repeat. It's his own personal soundtrack that he'll never get tired of hearing.

She moans louder and her breaths quicken. When he feels her tighten and then relax around him it fills him with such a blissful hysteria that he cries out and bites down near her collar bone. Two strokes later he's calling out her name and desperately trying to keep his steady arms locked so that he doesn't crush her.

He rolls to the side of the bed and takes her into his arms. They're breathing heavily and already sore in the best way. They don't speak a word, opting to let their breaths even and sleep to come.

He holds her close, petrified of what the morning will bring.

_We would stand in the wind  
We were free like water  
Flowing down  
Under the warmth of the sun  
Now it's cold and we're scared  
And we've both been shaken  
Hey, look at us  
Man, this doesn't need to be the end_

The morning light peeks in through the half open curtain of the room. The birds chirp and a few cars drive the streets. Peyton groans at it all. The lights right in her eyes and the birds sound like they're on the damn windowsill. She goes to move away from the light and the twittering birds, but stops when she doesn't get too far.

Lucas's arm is draped across her bare stomach.

At first she relishes the feeling. Thinking that she could do this everyday. Wake up to this everyday. And then last night rushes back to her like a harsh wind. Him and her. The fighting and the yelling. The quiet words and whispers. The kisses and love making.

Him telling her he loved her.

Her body tenses and Lucas feels it, but he doesn't move. If she's tense it's bad. He acts like he's still sleeping. He lets her move his arm and squirm from his weight. When she tries to leave the bed he glides his hand to her wrist and grabs a hold of it.

"Come back to bed", it would sound like pleading if his voice wasn't filled with sleep. She shakes him off and shakes her head. He hears her mumble that she has to go.

"Don't freak out", he begs, no longer caring if he sounds pathetic. She gives him an incredulous stare as she stands in his room. She's still naked and his eyes fill with lust as they rake over her form. She searches for that black material desperately.

"Don't freak out", she mutters to herself while crossing the room. "You were married up until two weeks ago! How can I not freak out?" she trips over her shoes and makes a mental note to grab them before she leaves.

"Because I –"

"This was a mistake", she mumbles while looking for her dress. She had to cut him off because she knew what he was going to say. She doesn't watch the way his eyes fall.

He sits up in a rush and the sheet falls to his waist. He hates this. He hates that she does this. Last night was beautiful, everything he remembered it to be and more.

"No", he growls. "Do not say that!"

She ignores him and slips into her dress, not bothering to look for the only other article of clothing she wore. She grabs her shoes and heads for the door.

It doesn't close behind her and so Lucas sits in bed and watches as she run – flees – from his house . . .

From him . . .

From what they could be.

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart  
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

She makes it the whole way back to Nathan and Haley's without crying. She still hasn't put on her shoes and her hairs a mess. This is the ultimate walk of shame. She walks up the driveway and is more then thankful that Julian's car isn't there. He insisted on getting a rental car because Peyton would freak out if he even mentioned driving the Comet.

She tiptoes into their house and heads straight to her room. Luckily, there's an adjoining bathroom so once she closes her door she heads to the shower. She does the whole thing without thinking or focusing. She's on autopilot.

She steps out of the shower and dries off. After putting on some old sweats she shuffles into the room and lies on the bed. It didn't help. She walked home and showered, but she can still smell him.

Everything about him floods her mind after that. The way he held her. the way he looked at her. The things he said to her. Her throat feels like its closing and her eyes sting. Her body shakes and she hugs a pillow close.

She breaks down.

She hears the front door open, but doesn't think it matters. She simply holds the pillow closer and buries her face into it to try and muffle the sobs that attack her body. She's so lost in her tears that she doesn't hear the door open.

When Brooke steps into the room the smile she wears disappears and her maternal instincts for Peyton kick in. she kicks off her heels and rushes to the bed. The second it dips down Peyton raises her head and Brooke frowns.

Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is blotchy. She can only assume that Peyton's been crying for hours – it's only been minutes. The brunette doesn't ask questions. She simply pulls the blonde into her arms and cradles her head against her chest; much like a mother holds her child.

She's only ever seen Peyton like this one time. When Lucas proposed to Lindsey. Brooke hopes he didn't do something to royally screw up, but she knows it has something to do with him. It always does. But, she still doesn't ask questions.

This is what Peyton needs.

_Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be  
Forever with you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same  
Call on me  
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me  
Forever it's you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same_

The next day she's sitting at the kitchen table with Haley. They're sipping coffee and talking quietly. It's still early and they don't want to wake any of the men in the house.

The petite brunette watches Peyton as she twirls the spoon around in the mug and rests her head in her other hand. She's been like this for a full day and it's odd. Peyton hasn't really shown the 'emo' side of her since she's come back.

"Is everything alright?" she asks because she cares for her friend and because it's her instinct as a mother to want to help. Peyton looks up, almost shocked, like she forgot Haley was sitting there.

The blonde nods. "Yeah", she sighs and then adds. "I'm just kind of sad about leaving", it's not a total lie. Her plane is set to leave in two days and she's dreading it. She doesn't want to leave Nathan or Haley or Brooke and Owen.

Haley knows on some level that's the truth, but it's not the only thing on Peyton's mind. She just wishes her friend would open up.

"I'm sad about you leaving too", she really doesn't want to leave the boy that just walked into the kitchen. He climbs into her lap and she rests her head atop his.

"I know, buddy", she whispers. Haley watches the scene with a heavy heart. Her son is so attached to the blonde women that it makes her want to cry for him whenever Peyton leaves.

"You know . . . you don't have to leave", she draws out. Peyton's eyes widen and so do Jamie's, but for different reasons. Haley shrugs innocently. The groups been talking in the recent days and all her friends have decided that she should stay in Tree Hill, it's her home.

"Oh, but I have a job to get back to, Hales", Peyton says with a fake smile. She knows the game she's playing. Haley purposely brought this up in front of James because she thinks it'll make Peyton cave.

It's working.

It's not even so much everything Haley's been saying or her little tactic now. She really does hate leaving. These people are her family. This place is her home.

"Can't you work from your studio here?" Jamie asks with his big doe eyes. Peyton sighs. She can, without a doubt. But she has a lot of things she would need to take care of in Los Angeles before she made any big decisions like moving.

"I'll think about it", she says softly and James grins before looking at his mother. Haley smiles at him and winks at Peyton. The blonde figures that she could get a head start on the logistics for it in Tree Hill and when she gets back to LA she can talk to Chelsea. Right now, renovations are on her mind.

"I'll stay for another week."

Jamie's eyes light up and he jumps from her lap. He takes her larger hand into his smaller one and pulls her from the kitchen. They need to celebrate and a few games on his Wii is the way to do it.

Once they leave Haley's on the phone with Brooke.

_You may need me there  
To carry all your weight  
But you're no burden I assure  
You tide me over  
With a warmth I'll not forget  
But I can only give you love  
_

It's halftime as she walks the halls of her high school. She's here for the first game back after Christmas break. It's been 9 days since she and Lucas have slept together and 9 days since she's spoken to him.

The Raven's are doing great and it's all because of Lucas; with help from Nathan and Skills. But she sees Lucas in the way the players run and shoot and laugh on the court. He's an amazing mentor and coach and she's proud to be able to see him in his element.

She's so used to watching Lucas Scott the star player that watching Lucas Scott the coach makes her realize how far they've all come.

She feels daring and so after passing her old locker she timidly steps into the coach's office – Lucas's office. She's instantly hit with a memory.

_She sat in the chair for fifteen minutes in silence. Coach Durham wasn't a man of many words. She still didn't know why she was here. She was more then glad when she heard his voice._

"_You wanted to see me coach?"_

"_Take a seat next to your partner here", Whitey motioned to the empty chair beside the blonde and Lucas stepped into the room. Peyton glanced at him and he tilted his head in confusion until the realization set it._

_He sat beside her and they both ignored the chill they felt when Lucas accidentally brushed against her elbow._

"_Well now Bonnie and Clyde", she laughed to try and break the mood. "I guess you're wondering why I called you here?" they could only share a look. _

Lucas loosens his tie slightly and walks into his office. He stops short and holds his breath. He hasn't talked to her in over a week and he needs to talk to her. He's seen her in the stands and he's grateful that she's here, but he knows it has a lot to do with his godson.

"Hey", he says and she spins around to face him. A small smile makes its way across her face and Lucas can feel his heart pound in his ears. "I've wanted to talk to you."

That smile falls. He doesn't waste any time. She clears her throat and says; "I don't know that there's anything to talk about", he rolls his eyes.

"Peyton, I want to be with you", he says simply. Her eyes widen and she swallows back the sudden burn in her throat. She doesn't want to talk about this, but she knows it's way past the point of childish.

"Luke, there's just so much – you're newly divorced and Julian –" she doesn't know why she brings it up; he hasn't even been in Tree Hill for days; he left the day she was supposed to.

"You said you and Julian weren't together?" he cuts her off with a pensive stare. She shakes her head.

"We're not, but it's still complicated", she doesn't know any other way to say it. She isn't with Julian, but he wants to be back together. Of course she can't tell Lucas that.

His frustration boils over. He's tried to be patient because he knows it's hard for her to trust him, but she hasn't given him a legitimate reason. He's got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and that's what sparks his outburst;

"I don't get it, Peyton! You're mad that I get married and you're mad that I tell you I love you? Why can't I ever win with you and why does Julian play such a big role if you're not together?!"

She closes her eyes and the words spill from her mouth before she can stop them.

"We used to date", the wind is knocked out of him and he runs a hand through his hair.

"Was it serious?" he doesn't know why he asks or if it'll make a difference, but he wants to know. She bites her lip and looks at him. She's already too far in to back out or lie now.

"We were in love."

_Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be  
Forever with you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same  
Call on me  
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me  
Forever it's you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same_

He stares at her in shock. She had been in love with another person. He swallows hard and looks away – not wanting her to see the tears.

"I have some plays I need to go over", he mumbles and walks away from her. She makes a face and shakes her head.

"Lucas, it was –"

"I really need to get these plays down", he cuts her off with a hard look and she backs away. She thought he might take it hard, but she didn't expect it to go this badly.

As she walks through the hallway she passes Nathan and he tries to say something to her, but she keeps moving. The dark haired Scott makes it to Lucas's door in time to see his brother hurl his coffee – and sometimes whiskey – mug across the room.

"What's going on?" he questions, although he guesses it has everything to do with Peyton. His brother shakes his head.

"Nothing, let's go", he snaps and walks out the door with Nathan following. By the time he's back on the court and ref has blown the whistle he's completely furious. She's been in love before. She's brought Julian around Tree Hill. Julian is working on his movie. He looks up and catches her eye. She tries to smile, but he turns his head.

After that it all hits the fan.

She stands in the bleachers as the boys run along the court in their white and blue uniforms. Quentin, the player Haley had told her about gets fouled and it's even more serious because he's already got a cast around his wrist.

The ref, for whatever reason doesn't call foul – it's out of bounds. Lucas marches to him and yells something that none of them can here. It's serious though because he's got his hand raised and he's pointing to the court. The ref doesn't respond and the next thing she sees is the basketball hit the ground and fly into the air – almost making contact with the ceiling.

Her heart stops as the ref calls a technical foul. They still can't hear the words being passed and the gym is dead silent. The other player; the one who fouled Quentin, walks past and says something that sets Lucas off because he grabs the kid but his jersey and gets in his face.

It quickly becomes a flurry of players and whistles and coaches. Nathan charges over to his brother and Skills stays with Jamie. She, Haley, and Brooke exchange concerned and confused glances and they begin to walk down the bleachers. Peyton has a bad feeling that this has something to do with her.

Nathan pulls Lucas from the crowd and drags him away. He shrugs him off and when he looks up to his wife Haley raises and brow and Nathan shrugs. The girls stop and talk quietly about what they think could be the problem. Peyton leaves out the fact that she's told Lucas she was in love with his producer.

They're so engrossed in the conversation and the tidbits from Jamie; who's joined them, that they barley notice the volume in which the gym has taken. It's loud again and she doesn't know why. The fight's under control and she can assume that the game will begin soon. It isn't until Nathan takes off in a full sprint that her heart stops beating. Her green eyes follow him and once he stops her legs start moving.

Lucas is on the floor.

_  
Forever with you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same (Ever the same)_

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	11. You're All I Have In This Life

**I still don't own it, just like I don't own "Don't Say" by St. Lola in the Fields.**Woo – so the response for last chapter was overwhelming! I love you all for the reviews and support. I love how involved you all are and I love the response to the cliffhanger haha. I'm sorry, but it had to be done.

I have a few finals next week and then the semester is done so hopefully I can focus on this more and turn out the chapters!

Enjoy!

* * *

_Don't fight, don't fight, don't fight  
Don't do it again  
Don't scream, don't scream, don't scream  
Don't want to hear it again  
Don't say, don't say, don't say  
You're leaving this time  
Don't you, don't you, don't you know  
You're all I have in this life_

They say that right before you die your entire life flashes before your eyes. Peyton fleetingly wonders if the same thing goes for when the person you love might be in peril. The second she sees Lucas on the floor every memory possible floods her mind. After her most recent one – him proclaiming his love – she does what she does best.

She runs.

This time she doesn't run away from her fears, she runs right to them. She charges down the bleachers and pushes past the teenagers. She shoves the kid that started this whole thing hard and he practically falls down – she's wishes that little punk would have busted his ass.

Nathan's standing over him and so is the ref. He doesn't know what to do. One minute he's pulling his brother off of a stupid 17 year old the next he's watching as he stumbles back and crumbles to the gym floor. She pushes both of them out of the way and falls to the floor. She cradles Lucas's head in her lap; not thinking that maybe she shouldn't have moved him.

"Lucas, baby", she mumbles while caressing his cheeks with her shaking hands. His lips are turning blue and his face is paler then she's ever seen. "Come on baby . . ."

Haley pulls Jamie close to her and shields his eyes from the horrifying sight of his uncle – one of his heroes – on the floor. Brooke's eyes are welling with tears and Mouth pulls her into his arms; she buries her face into his shoulder. Skills is trying to keep the Raven's at a safe distance, he doesn't want too many people crowding his oldest friend.

"Get the team doctor!" Nathan yells to no one in particular. Five people scramble into the locker room – two of them are players from the other team. He runs his hand through his dark hair and lets out a long breath. His eyes catch with Haley's and he rushes over to her. Jamie's hysterical crying at this point and Nathan takes him from her arms.

He hugs his son close and tries to whisper comforting words, but soon enough his own voice cracks and the tears are running down his cheeks. At the sight of her husband's tears Haley loses it and begins to sob, she doesn't know if there's a real reason for such hysterics yet, but she can't not cry; Lucas is her best friend. Brooke pulls out her cell phone and calls Owen, telling him that he needs to do something. Peyton hears all of this, but it's as if she's a thousand miles away.

This is Lucas. The boy who taught her how to love and how to be loved. He gave her the best memories she'll ever have, but she doesn't want to leave it at that. His face seems be paling even more and his face is cold, although she's sure she's imagining that.

She keeps Lucas's face between her hands and she mutters the same soothing words over and over again. "Baby . . . please baby . . ."

Nobody seems to question the term of endearment she uses. They all know the love the two blondes share and can't even begin to understand what this is doing to her.

She's only been this scared for another person 3 times in her life. Once when Brooke was attacked by Psycho Derek. Another time when Lucas was in the car accident junior year. And then again when Brooke rushed into her room after the State Championship and told her there was an accident; Lucas had suffered a heart attack. Heart attack.

"Call an ambulance!" she screams from her place on the floor. "He has a heart condition! Someone call a fucking ambulance!"

She can hear the doctor trying to get through, but the crowd is too thick. She wants to scream out that everyone needs to move. They need to get out of his fucking way, but she has no voice. She terrified that this is her fault.

"I need you", she whispers as she bends her lips down to his ear. "Remember that I need you . . ." she pleads.

She won't cry. She refuses to cry. This isn't the end, it can't be the end. The team doctor rushes over and right before she gets pushed away her two fingers trail to his neck. It's weak, but it's there. This isn't over.

He still has a pulse.

_So drop the sword and hear me out  
Down on the floor, just hold me now_

They've all been here so often that it would make sense for them to have their own personal waiting room. Between car accidents and shootings and attackers and heart attacks, they've all spent their fair share of time here.

She hates hospitals. Nobody loves them, but she, out of everyone she knows, hates them the most. At one point or another everyone she loves has been in a bed in this place. Three of those people are sitting with her, one of them is sitting in a different bed and another one didn't make it out of here alive. She shudders.

She sits in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Her eyes are focused on nothing in particular and she forgets to breathe every once and a while. She takes a gasp of air and Brooke's eyes flash to her.

She's sitting right beside her with her hands resting on Peyton's back. Sometimes she rubs circles in hopes that it comforts her; she knows Anna used to do the same thing. Nathan sits on the other side of her blonde best friend and when she glances down to their locked hands she almost worries. They're both holding on to each other so tightly that their hands are white.

The hall is crowded. Teenagers representing Tree Hill High litter the way and it makes Brooke think back to senior year, after the championship. When Lucas had his heart attack and Haley got hit by the car, boys in basketball attire and girls in cheerleading uniforms filled this place.

Nathan squeezes Peyton's hand and waits for her to squeeze back. He's trying to deflect her emotions. He's the only one who knows that there was some sort of argument between his best friend and his brother and if he knows Peyton like he does, she's blaming herself. Holding such a firm grip on her hand is his way of taking her mind off of thinking of that; hopefully she's thinking of the pain in her hand.

He's thankful when she squeezes back.

Haley leans against her husband, thankful for his supportive shoulder. Her best friend is a strong guy. He works out and he eats well. He'll be fine. Haley nods her head, pleased with her own answer. Her eyes meet Brooke's sad ones and she can feel her resolve waiver. What if he isn't okay? What if he doesn't make it out of this? It's been an hour and the doctors still haven't told them anything.

"Karen", Haley says suddenly. "I never called Karen", she shakes her head and stands. Peyton's up quicker then she is and it causes Brooke's hand to fall to the chair; Nathan's still got a tight hold of her hand.

"I'll do it", her voice is so hoarse from not talking that she sounds like a ninety year old smoker. Lucas's mother is back in New York. They all stayed for Christmas and New Year's, but after that they headed back to spend some time with Andy's family.

Brooke shares a glance with Haley and Peyton wants to roll her eyes, but she doesn't. You'd think she was the one that had collapsed with the way they were treating her. She goes to move, but Nathan's grip stops her. She really can't deal with this right now. Her throat is starting to close and she needs to be on her own for a few minutes.

Her eyes plead with Nathan and he lets her go. They all watch as she walks down the hall and pushes past all the teens. Brooke doesn't know what to do. She's never seen Peyton blank. Angry, absolutely. Peyton's known for her bitchiness, but Brooke doesn't know what to do when Peyton's so fragile. That's what sucks the most, when they were little Brooke didn't know what she was doing to help, but she was. As they got older the brunette would push alcohol and boys. That won't help now.

Begrudgingly, she searches for her cell phone. She quickly stands up and puts her phone to her ear. It rings a few times before someone picks up.

"Hey, its Brooke . . . you need to come to Tree Hill", her dark eyes watch, out of the corner of her eye, as her blonde best friend finally turns the curve to another hallway.

When she finally makes it out of her friends prying gaze she lets out a breath. She's exhausted in every sense of the word; mentally, emotionally, physically, but she'll never show it. She makes it five steps before her body freezes and she feels her knees shake. This is the same hall Lucas was in when he had his heart attack senior year. She can see his door perfectly.

She shakes her head. It all seems so pointless. The fights and trying to be happy with other people. She wishes now, more then ever, that she could go back in time. She would have said yes to Lucas in the blink of an eye if she knew any of this was going to happen.

God, and the fight they had earlier tonight! She wants to take it all back. This is her fault. She got him so worked up and for what? No reason at all. She never should have said anything about Julian or their past. None of that matters now. All that matters is Lucas and his well being.

But what is he doesn't make it out of this? What if she never gets to see his smile again or that stupid smirk? She can feel the tears stinging her eyes and hands are trembling. She leans her back against the wallpapered walls and takes a few deep breaths. She slides down against the walls and pulls her knees up to her chest.

If this is some karmic way of telling her that she needs to stay in Tree Hill, that she needs to work things out, that she needs to stop running away, she got the message loud and clear. Tree Hill is her home, for good now. She's done with the constant shuffle and only seeing her best friends on holidays. And she has to make sure Lucas is okay. That he _stays_ okay.

After she's calmed down she pulls out her cell phone. Before she calls Karen she needs to call someone else. She dials the number she's learned by heart and waits for the person to pick up. When they finally do she clears her throat;

"Hey, it's me; I'm not coming back to LA . . ."

_Don't take, don't take, don't take it so lightly  
When you say, you say, you say you love me_

She can still hear his words echo in her ears.

"_I'm still in love with you."_

Why hadn't she said them back? What hadn't she stayed the next morning? A sharp breeze causes her to shiver. Wearing a sleeveless dress probably wasn't the best idea, but it was the only black item she had with her. A suit jacket drapes across her shoulders and usually she would savor the warmth, but today she shrugs it off.

It doesn't smell like him.

"You're going to get sick", he scolds as lightly as possible. Given the circumstances, she definitely doesn't need someone yelling at her. She shrugs once more. She doesn't really care if she gets sick at this point. What is there to live for?

"Come on, Sawyer", he whispers. "Everyone left an hour ago", he tugs at her elbow gently. She lets her arm get pulled, but her voice stops him.

"I just need a minute", her voice is void of emotion as she stares at the fresh mound of dirt. Nathan simply nods and drops her arm. That's been her answer every time he's asked her, but he'll wait at the gates until she's full and ready to leave the cemetery.

He glances at the place where his older brother – older by only 3 months – lies and makes the sign of the cross. He's never been religious. Never really went to Church and the only time he truly believed in a God was the day Haley decided to marry him and when his son was born. He looks up in hopes of keeping his tears at bay and looks back at Peyton. He squeezes her shoulder before walking away.

Once he's gone Peyton lets out a breath. It's been a long day and an even longer week. She closes her eyes and quickly makes the sign of the cross. When she opens her lids her green eyes widen in sheer disbelief.

It seems terribly cliché, but he's dressed in white from head to toe and there seems to be a glow around him. He looks exactly like he did all those days ago. His eyes full of life and his lips a perfect shade. She opens her mouth, but he cuts her off.

"Why couldn't you save me?" his angelic form questions. "All the times I saved you . . . why couldn't you save me, Peyton?" she has no answer. She simply stands there with her hand over her heart, clutching the material of her dress.

He's getting further away and she keeps calling out to him. He doesn't stop, doesn't even look back, but he keeps calling her name. "Peyton . . . Peyton . . . Peyton."

"I'm sorry!" she yells. "I'm so sorry! Lucas, please . . . I tried to save you", her resolve crumbles and she falls to her knees in a heap of sobs. The only thing she can hear over the tears is the constant repeat of her name.

She jolts awake and it takes her a minute to gather her bearings. The clock above the television reads 3:22 and she leans on her elbows to breathe deeply. She closes her eyes and almost relaxes until her name being repeated causes her to sit up straight. That's when the remote falls to the floor and she realizes that her name is coming from the stereo.

It was only a dream.

She runs her hand through her curls and stands from the couch. She doesn't know how she got to Nathan and Haley's house, but she knows she needs to get back to the hospital. She stands and walks over to the small table beneath the mirror in their living room. The bowl atop it holds a bunch of different things and she knows that their car keys reside there from time to time. She searches until a voice causes her to jump.

"What are you doing?"

She looks over at the kitchen island and meets Nathan's blue eyes in the dim lighting. Her heart goes out to the younger Scott and she pads over to him.

"I'm going to the hospital", she mumbles. "I never should have left, why did you let me leave?" she asks with a half hurt half angry tone. Nathan raises his brows.

"You passed out", he says softly. Her eyes widen. "We walked to Lucas's room and before we even opened it, you fainted."

Suddenly it all comes rushing back.

_After calling Karen; which nearly caused her to break down, she picked herself up and walked down the hall. Lucas's doctor was approaching her friends and she increased her pace. As soon as she made it over to them Brooke's hand found hers. _

"_You're all well aware of Mr. Scott's heart condition", the doctor questioned and they all looked at him as if he'd just grown a second head. The entire town was well aware of Lucas's heart condition. Peyton felt herself growing angry at the list of things he was rambling about and she was about to snap, but Haley beat her to it._

"_He takes medication", she interjected. The doctor cleared his throat and nodded his head._

"_Yes, and while Mr. Scott was prescribed a new bottle at the beginning of the month . . . we didn't find any trace of it in system."_

_Anger is the first thing that hits her. Why hasn't he been taking his meds? How could he be so selfish? And then there was confusion. If he hasn't taken them for an entire month how did he manage to go on this long?_

"_I've seen him take them", Nathan said next. "Although, not recently", he added softly a minute later._

_Then another emotion hit her, one that she was trying to deflect; guilt. If she hadn't had pushed him to the point of such anger tonight he wouldn't have gotten overly excited and he wouldn't have the damn heart attack._

"_Right now we're assuming he's recently stopped taking them. If it was the whole month, quite honestly, he wouldn't have made it tonight", Peyton looked down at the doctors words, but then she looked right at him._

"_He's alive?" it might have been a stupid question, but she needed the confirmation from an expert. After he nodded his head she spoke again; "Can we see him?" she questioned. The gray haired man nodded and took his glasses off his face._

"_Mr. Scott is very weak so try not to excite him in any way", he cautioned. The four of them took off in the direction of his room and once they were outside they stopped to gather a breath._

_Peyton watched as Haley put her hand on the metal knob. She was suddenly short of breath. The hall began to spin and little dots formed in her eyes. _

_That last thing she saw was Nathan's worried face._

"So, we just left him there? Alone?" she questions in anger. He shakes his head.

"Haley and Brooke went in, I took you to the nearest room and made a doctor give you oxygen after that you were asleep so I brought you back here", he shrugs. "The girls came back around 12 and Karen got there a little after they left."

"And you've been sitting here?" she asks once she sees his tired eyes and cup of coffee. He looks away and she has her answer.

They sit in silence for a few minutes and Nathan raises his hand to wipe away the tears. Peyton's shocked at first, she hadn't even realized that she had shed actual tears during her . . . nightmare. Then embarrassment kicks in. she shy's away from his hand and bows her head.

"Peyton, its okay to cry", he says softly. She shakes her head, clearly not wanting to talk about it. Nathan grumbles. He knows she's always the strong one, never letting anything truly affect her, but this is Lucas.

"He told me he was still in love with me", she finds herself whispering. Nathan's eyes widen and before he can ask she responds, "A little over a week ago."

"Is that what you guys fought about tonight?" he asks as he takes a sip from his mug. He makes a face, but hope Peyton doesn't notice. He's been sitting here for hours, refusing to leave anywhere that Peyton was. He heard her whimper from the couch earlier and was about to get up and he saw her curls fly into the air.

She shakes her head and wishes that was what they fought about. "I told him Julian and I dated", Nathan doesn't look the least bit surprised.

"Yeah . . . Brooke called him rebound boy", she makes a face and shakes her head. Brooke needs to learn some appropriate nicknames. "So, that's why you fought?"

"I told him that we were in love", her voice is suddenly hoarse and Nathan almost hopes she starts to cry. He lets out a long breath and she nods her head.

"That's why he said he wasn't doing the movie", Nathan says aloud as all the pieces come together. Her eyes widen. Great! Another regret to add to her list.

"Can you just give me the car keys?" she requests brokenly. He shakes his head.

"Try and get some sleep, he's not going anywhere."

"Nathan, give me the keys or don't. I don't really care, but either way I'm going to the hospital tonight", she stands and after a minute he follows after her.

_I miss, I miss, I miss  
The way we would laugh  
I wish, I wish, I wish  
I wish that we could go back  
I think, I think, I think that  
We could fix it all up  
Don't you, don't you, don't you  
Think it'd be worth it for love?_

They sit in the car in silence; she doesn't even bother to put on the radio. Nathan looks between her and the road a dozen times before she finally speaks.

"You ever feel like God's playing this huge joke and your life's the punch-line?"

He opens his mouth to argue against her statement, but he closes it shortly after. Her life has been on giant rollercoaster from losing her mother when she was young to falling in love with his brother to finding out she was adopted and everything else that happened before coming full circle to realizing she had never fallen out of love with his brother.

Things haven't always been easy for Peyton Sawyer, but he knows she's the only person strong enough to face it all head on.

He doesn't really know if she wants an answer, but he's going to give her one anyway. "I think sometimes, he does it to test us. See who's stronger then the rest", he says softly and she leans her head against the headrest. She closes her eyes and opens them after a minute.

"I would appreciate it if he stopped throwing these pop quizzes at me", she mumbles and he lets out a laugh. She looks over at him and she cracks a smile. They pull into the parking lot and she takes off her seatbelt. Her hand freezes on the door handle.

"What if he's not okay?" she questions lightly. "What if he doesn't make it or there's more damage then they know?"

Her voice breaks off and he takes off his seatbelt before reaching over and pulling her into his arms. He holds her close and rubs her back while she mutters into his sweatshirt;

"I need him; I need him to be okay . . ."

"He is", Nathan assures her. "Haley and Brooke were talking to him earlier. He isn't ready to leave you", he whispers and a few stray tears spring from her eyes. She takes a deep breath and pulls away from him. "You coming?" she asks.

"I need to park, but I'll be in after that", he promises. With a sad smile and watery eyes she gets out of the car and heads to the automatic hospital doors.

"Goldilocks!" a voice calls out to her and she stops. She knows the voice well, but it doesn't seem possible for him to be here. She turns around slowly and sure enough it's her Los Angeles cowboy.

"Chris!" she yells before running to him. "What are you doing here?" she asks as she throws her arms around his neck and clings tightly to him. He hugs her back with just as much force. It's been way too long since he's seen her.

"Brooke called me and said I had to come here. She didn't tell me any details, just that you might need me. Then when you called Chelsea and said you weren't coming back, I knew I –"

"Wait, you were with Chelsea?" she asks, when she pulls back there's a smirk on her lips. Chris blushes. "I called her pretty late", she adds a second later.

"Yeah well, that's not the point . . . the point is, you needed me and I've been sitting out here for like an hour figuring you'd be coming in or going out."

"Thank you", she whispers again and hugs him once more. She wants to say so much to him right now. She's broken his heart, but he's here anyway. He'll always be wherever she needs him. "When do you leave?"

"My flights in a few hours", she raises her brows and he shrugs. "I took the first flight out and I've been waiting here . . . I need to get back to Chelsea, she's freaking because she doesn't know what to do since you're not coming back."

Peyton nods and lets out a breath. "For now tell her to close, when I can get my head around things I'll call her, but she's more then qualified to handle things around there."

"That's what I told her", he says with a smile. "Everything's gonna be okay", he says once he sees her eyes. "Believe that", he says once he sees her doubt.

"You should go", she whispers. She doesn't want to see him leave, but he's got someone waiting for him and honestly, she wants to see Lucas. Chris frowns, but smiles once he thinks of getting back to LA. Peyton sees this and rolls her eyes.

She can't wait to talk to Chelsea and hear all the details. She knows how over the moon her friend must be. She's had a crush on Chris even since she hired her.

"Take care of her", she says seriously. Life is too short and Peyton got a glimmer of that feeling tonight. Chris nods and looks up at the large hospital he's been too afraid to enter.

"Take care of him", he says and she smiles. She watches him walk away and then she turns and heads into the hospital.

She's made a promise with herself. She wants to go back to the way things were before life got in the way. Before love triangles and shootings and stalkers.

She wants to go back to the guarded 16 year old who almost took that leap into love.

Because she wouldn't be afraid. She wouldn't play games and she wouldn't have run out of that room in junior year. She would have jumped, head first into a relationship with the blonde boy that lies beyond that door.

_If I thought you'd do me no harm  
I'd fall, I'd fall into your arms_

Lucas hates hospitals, he's here so damn much that it would seem different, but he really cannot stand to be here. If it were up to him he'd rip these stupid little circles off his chest and pull the IV from his arm. He'd march out those doors and down the hall and find Peyton. All he wants right now is Peyton.

He looks out the window at the early morning light. His mother went to make a few calls and get something to eat. She hasn't left his side since she got in and that included a twenty minute scolding on the importance of his meds.

He didn't purposely forget them; he just had a lot going on recently. They were few and far between after Peyton left after his mother's wedding and after their Christmas Eve fight, he'd forgotten them completely.

Right now all he wants is to see that blonde woman. He wants to hold her and breathe her in. He wants to tell her about that crazy dream he had. If he had never married Lindsey and he had listened to everything Peyton had told him.

_He was sitting in the airport, praying that she would show. She had to show. He needed her to show._

"_Getting married, huh?" the elderly voice snapped him from a daydream of an anniversary with Peyton._

"_I hope so. I don't know . . . we'll see if she shows up", he said with a smile._

"_I wanna tell you something son, it's the most important thing there is . . . love, finding the right person to spend your life with."_

"_I know I made the right choice", he said honestly._

_He laughed heartily "That's where they get you, thinking you had a choice. Love finds you son, you don't find love. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, what's written in the stars, a lot to do with the simple fact that women are smarter then we are and wily. Your sorry, butt never had a chance", he said seriously as he pointed at Lucas. "But, if you wanna believe that you had a choice in the matter, I'd say you made a good one."_

"_And why is that?" he asked as he leaned forward._

"_Because she showed up", the older man stood, "And she sure is pretty."_

_He turned in his chair and smiled as he saw her walking toward him. He stood and jogged to her._

"_You are such a mess; you can't just call a girl from the airport", he grabbed onto her and their bodies crashed together._

"_I know this sounds crazy –"_

"_You're a mess Lucas Scott, but you're my mess and _I love you_", she said right before they kissed._

He wishes his life played out like that. Instead he spent over a year in an unfulfilling marriage and missed out on memories he could have made with Peyton. It seems ironic that even in his dreams he seems to screw up and she seems to never waiver from their love.

He realizes now that it doesn't matter that she's been in love before. Peyton's gorgeous and kind and noble. She's patient and quirky and wily. She has a huge heart and is so compassionate that it still surprises him from time to time.

Who wouldn't fall in love with her?

He hears the door open, but assumes it's his mother. He doesn't turn his head because he wants to avoid having another serious conversation. The steps that come into the room are hesitant and that's what makes him look.

She's standing there with her hands in the air and she fidgets with her fingers. He's lying in that bed with a hospital gown and those small circular monitors on various parts of his body. He looks so old and worn that it makes tears burn her eyes.

"Hey", he says through a hoarse voice and that makes her snap. After the night they've been through, he's going to simply greet her?

"You're an idiot", she says harshly. "There are so many people that need you around, Lucas. What would Jamie have done? You're Haley's best friend and Nathan's brother!" with every word she's taking a closer step to the bed he's in. When she's right beside him she finally lets it all out.

"What about me!?" she questions and the tears fall rapidly. "What would I have done if I lost you?" he knows that if things were different she'd be pounding her small fists against his chest, but instead she's hitting them against the mattress of his bed.

"I need you, Lucas!" she yells and something comes back to him. He can remember lying on the hardwood floor of the gym and hearing a familiar voice plead with him, beg him.

"_I need you", she whispered as she bent her lips down to his ear. "Remember that I need you . . ." she pleaded._

"I'm so sorry", he says and he means it for a million different things. She's so exhausted and the tears are taking so much out of her that she practically collapses on top of his bed. He uses the little strength he has to pull her closer to him and holds her in the crook of his arm.

Her sobs are uncontrollable and she can't take a decent breath. He holds her close and kisses the top of her head. Beneath all the commotion and the cloth of his hospital gown she hears something that makes her sob even louder. His heart beat. It's there and it's real and he's alive.

"I love you, Lucas", she whimpers into his chest.

It's barely understandable through her tears and coughs and sniffles, but Lucas hears it. He hears it and he's never heard that sentence from a sweeter voice. This is better then any dream because this is reality.

"I love you too", he whispers.

_Don't take, don't take, don't take it so lightly  
When you say, you say, you say  
When you say you love me_

* * *

I'm a little unsure about this chapter. Let me know what you think!


	12. You Gotta Fall In Order To Mend

**I still don't own it, nor do I own "Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin.**

I love you all! Over 300 reviews and it's the 12th chapter! Your reviews are amazing and I'm so glad that I'm keeping you all interested.

I honestly don't know how long I want this to be or really how to end it. It started out as a one-shot and became so much more. I'm gonna do my best to figure it out. Till then, keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep doing my best to write great chapters.

Well, after the few chapters I've given you I think you all deserve some LP fluff. Here it is, thousands of words worth of them being adorable haha.

I'm updating like every 2-3 days. This is nuts, I'm spoiling you all . . . but you're worth it.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Some kind of magic  
Happens late at night  
When the moon smiles down at me  
And bathes me in its light_

When Haley walks into the kitchen that morning she finds her husband asleep at the island. With a shake of her head she tiptoes over and lovingly rubs her hand up and down his back. He shifts a few times before opening his eyes and looking up at her from his folded arms.

"You slept down here?" she's sure she already knows the answer, but she can't really believe it. He groans and sits up straight. She can hear his back crack from the other side of the kitchen and it makes her frown.

Yes, he did.

"What time is it?" he asks as he rubs his eyes. Haley sets a cup of coffee in front of him and he smiles gratefully at her. Before she speaks he pulls her against him and kisses her deeply. She's shocked at first and it takes her a minute to reciprocate, but when she does she throws her arms around his neck.

They love each other – clearly they do. But, they've learned that life's too short to not show affection. They should bask in each other's presence any and every time they can. She places her hands on his chest and pulls away breathlessly.

"Where's Peyton?" she asks once she gathers a breath. Before she gets an answer the house phone rings and even though she knows Lucas is okay, her heart stops. She reaches over and answers;

"Hello", her sense of dread deteriorates once she hears Karen's gentle voice.

"_Oh good, I'm glad you're up"_, Karen says and Haley can picture the smile she's wearing. After the whirlwind set of hours she's had it must be comforting to know that Lucas is alright.

"Yeah, Nathan and I were just having some coffee. How is everything?" Nathan leans in closer to listen and Haley makes a face before pushing him away. That's one of her biggest pet peeves.

"_Really good, I went by the house and got some things for Lucas and when I came back, Peyton was sleeping in bed with him"_, Haley's eyebrows shoot up.

"Peyton was with Lucas?" she asks as she looks over at her husband. He shrugs innocently. If she didn't want to share the phone he wasn't going to give details; not like he knew anything.

"_I thought you might know something, but apparently not"_, Karen laughs. This morning she had expected to walk into her son's room and find him staring up at the ceiling; instead he was sound asleep with the curly blonde wrapped in his arms. _"They looked adorable"_, she whispers.

Haley smiles, "You didn't wake them?"

"_Oh no, Lucas needs his sleep and I assumed Peyton does too. Besides, I didn't want to ruin anything"_, she admits. _"I'm going to head to the cafeteria and busy myself for a while."_

"Okay, well Nathan and I will meet you down there, we should only be about twenty minute."

The women say their goodbye and hang-up. Once she places the phone on the counter she looks at Nathan. "What happened last night?" she asks.

"She had some kind of nightmare and woke up saying she needed to get back to the hospital. I drove her and went to find parking. When I got up to the room they were both asleep", he tells the simplest version of the night as possible. Haley doesn't really need to know about Peyton's breakdown. His brunette wife nods her head and smiles faintly.

"Maybe things will be okay", Haley says as she leans into her husband. He wraps his arms around her and rests his cheek atop her head. Nathan lets out a long breath and says;

"They can't get much worse."

_I fell asleep beneath you  
In the tall blades of grass  
When I woke the world was new  
I never had to ask_

When she wakes up her face is stiff and her curls are stuck to her cheeks. The light makes her blink her eyes and they're so sore from crying it actually hurts. She groans and buries her head into the crook of Lucas's neck.

She breathes in his wonderful scent and wonders how it's stayed with him in this hospital. She thinks she's still asleep and quickly places a kiss to his neck; he hums happily and the vibrations make her smirk.

"Morning", he whispers tiredly. He kisses the top of her head and she looks up at him. Her big green eyes shine, but he can see the fear that still lingers beneath them.

"Morning, Luke", she says hoarsely. The effects of her late night cry fest reach her vocal chords and she has to clear her throat a few times before speaking again; "How are you feeling?"

He smiles down at her and holds her a little closer. "Better then I've felt in a long time", he whispers.

"Sweet talker", she mutters, but smiles anyway. She plays with the collar of his gown and her smile fades while she bites her bottom lip. He rubs his hand along her arm and she looks up at him once more.

"What's on your mind, Blondie?" he asks sweetly. She shrugs. She's got thousands of thoughts running through her mind. Most of them involve him so she decides on a simple answer;

"You", she answers quietly He grins and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Kinky babe", he smirks and before she rolls her eyes she feels her breath get taken away.

Just a few hours ago she didn't know if she would ever see that smirk again. Now, she's here and he's breathing and talking and _smirking_. With an overwhelming surge of emotion she leans up and kissing him tenderly. It isn't much – a press of lips to lip – but it makes his heart race. This much is apparent by a simple glance at his heart monitor.

They break apart and she has a smile on her face that he wants to take a picture of. He wants to remember it forever. "That's not exactly what I was thinking", she hides her eyes and Lucas knows it's a serious comment. "How could you forget your pills?" she asks quietly.

"I didn't purposely forget them, Peyt. Lindsey and I were having problems and then you came back into town and my mom was getting married", he stops to take a breath. "After you left Lindsey came back with divorce papers and . . . I don't know, things just kind of spiraled. I went from being late to take them, to only being able to take one dose, to not taking them at all", she raises her hand and her thumb caresses his cheek. He leans into her touch and sighs;

"I'm not ready to leave you yet."

Even though Nathan told her the same thing a few hours ago she feels her eyes well with tears. Once gain the emotion hits her and she kisses him. This time her tongue slides into his mouth and he grunts as her hand slides down his chest. He pulls away to take a breath and looks at her.

"I forgot how good you were at that", he whispers gruffly. She blushes and shakes her head.

"Well, you better hold on to those memories . . . they're all you'll have for a while", he pouts and she places her hand on her hip. "You can't get excited –"

"Too late", he mumbles. She jumps from the bed and he frowns at the sudden coldness from her departure. She tucks her curls behind her ears and flattens out her clothes.

"Where are you going?" he asks with a small voice, the fear that maybe this is too much for her is starting to hit him. He knows she loves him – she told him as much last night, but she's also notorious for being scared of love.

"I'm gonna see when I can bust you outta this place", she says with a grin and bounces out the door.

Lucas watches her leave with a satisfied and relieved smile.

_It's a brand new day  
The sun is shining  
It's a brand new day  
For the first time in such a long, long time  
I know, I'll be ok  
_

He sits in the car and impatiently drums his fingers against the dashboard. He's been sitting here for five minutes because he was told not to get out. He looks back at the house and sighs loudly. He doesn't know what she's doing, but he's starting to get annoyed.

He watches as the clock changes from 2:40 to 2:41 and he shakes his head; he's had enough. He gets out and opens the back door. He pulls out his small hospital bag and two other bags that belong to Peyton.

"_Alright now, recovering from a heart attack takes time", the doctor said as he looked at Lucas. "It helps that you're young, but the fact that this was your second heart attack pretty much evens the playing field", Peyton frowned._

"_So, what does that mean?" she asked impatiently. Lucas looked over at her and smiled while Karen scolded her with her eyes._

"_Basically, it means that he should have someone around to look after him."_

_Lucas's eyes widened, "I can handle myself. I'm not incompetent", he argued._

"_No, you're just a guy that forgets his meds", Peyton bit back. "Don't worry, he won't be alone", she said as she faced away from the other blonde. He looked at his mother for support, but she simply nodded her head; pleased with Peyton's answer._

It wouldn't be long, she had promised. Only a few weeks. Lily was in school and even though his mother offered, he didn't want to take her away from her new marriage. Plus, it didn't seem like he had a say in the matter. Peyton was pretty set on staying with him.

He opened his bedroom door and let out a long breath. He wouldn't admit it, but he was pretty tired. He kicks the door shut behind him and then Peyton's voice hits his ears.

"What the Hell are you doing?" she yells in such a shrill voice that he actually stops and looks around.

"I'm walking", he says and he slowly puts one foot in front of the other. She rolls her eyes and charges towards him.

"Why are you carrying bags?" she grumbles and takes them off his arms. He looks at her with a shocked expression.

"Peyton, I'm not some invalid, I'm –"

"A guy who had a heart attack a week ago", she cuts him off in a much softer voice. She wraps her arms around herself and he feels guilty. He walks over to her and places his hands on her shoulders and then drops them to her elbows.

"I'm sorry", he whispers. "I just don't like feeling useless", he admits through a mumble. She unfolds her arms and cups his face in her hands. The chill from her cold fingers causes him to tremble – he's forgotten her hands are almost always cold.

"You're not useless, Lucas", she admonishes. "You had a heart attack, you're supposed to rest. Most people would love that", she teases with a smile. He smiles back and leans down to kiss her.

"You know that's not me", he argues. She nods and pulls him in the direction of his bed. He looks tired. She turns them around and gently pushes him onto the soft comforter and pillows. He sighs in relaxation.

"That's why you're lucky you have me", she smirks and walks to his bag. _Don't I know it_, he thinks. "I have a mental list of everything the doctor said before we left and if I really need to . . . I'll Google it", she warns with a stern finger as she places his toiletries in the bathroom.

He leans back and thinks that this feels more normal then anything Lindsey ever did. He knows it isn't fair considering he never really gave his ex-wife a chance, but eventually it should have felt somewhat routine.

It's been five minutes with Peyton and he already knows he could do this everyday.

"And what are they?" he teases. She walks back into the bedroom and tilts her head at him. He's got a smug grin on his face and under any other circumstance she would bit back a comment.

"Minimal exercise – no heavy lifting", she says as her eyes look between him and the bags he carried in. "Healthy eating, fruits, vegetables, less red meat", she continues to speak. "You can take long walks and go up and down the stairs", she says and he rolls his eyes. It all makes him sound like an old person.

She's standing in front of him at this point and he reaches forward to rest his hand on her hip. She quickly steps back and wags her finger. "No sexual activity until the patient feels better."

He huffs in annoyance. This is ridiculous. He's only just gotten her back and now he can't even touch her!

"I'm feeling fine", he grumbles. She shrugs her shoulders.

"Well then no activities until the caregiver says so", she reasons.

He makes a face and pulls her down to rest on his lap before she can stop him. "Can you not call yourself my caregiver? It makes you sound old", he cringes and she laughs before squirming so that she's resting beside him instead of atop him.

"What would you rather call me?" she asks with an adorably kinked eyebrow. He furrows his brows in a way that lets her know he's thinking of an answer. A second later his eyes light up and a smirk graces his lips.

"How about my nurse?" she purses her lips. "My _naughty_ nurse", he adds with a husky voice as he leans his lips to hers.

She moans against him and his tongue slips into her mouth. He pulls her closer to him and skims his hand around her waist, landing on the small of her back. She knows she told him they wouldn't be kissing like this anymore, but she can't help it. She couldn't deny him when he was married, who the Hell is she to deny him when they're together?

He pulls away and looks at her. She has bags under her eyes and her hair is an absolute mess. He doesn't think she's showered recently and she's worn that same sweatshirt for the past 2 days. And it's all because she's been looking after him. His large hand cups her cheek and he caresses her cheekbone with his thumb.

"I love you", he says softly. "You know that?"

It all hits her. It's been six years since that moment, but she remembers it like yesterday. Being seventeen and sitting in bed with the boy she loves. That same set of pictures fly through her mind, with some new ones added in. Stolen kisses and heated moments. Declared feelings and sworn promises. She nods her head.

"I love you too", she whispers before kissing him once more.

_Most kind of stories  
Save the best part for last  
And most stories have a hero who finds  
You make your past, your past  
Yeah you make your past, your past_

The next morning Lucas tries to fight off the morning light. He reaches out and frowns when he feels the cold, empty spot. He and Peyton had stayed up so late he forgot that she went to sleep in his mother's room.

He moves too quickly and winces. He's still sore. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs loudly. His first full day out of the hospital and he doesn't even want to get out of bed. The smell of breakfast wafts into his nose and he sits up carefully. He shuffles to the hall and walks into the kitchen.

She's standing at the stove with a pan on the flame and there's some toast already on the table – whole wheat toast he notes. He's already nervous because the Peyton he remembers cannot cook for her life. It doesn't matter that his brother and best friend have claimed she's gotten better, he's a little weary. He's got to admit, it doesn't smell too bad.

"What smells so good?" he asks as he sits at the table. She turns and grins at him. She pulls the hot pan off the burner and walks over to him. She puts the food on his place and places the pan in the sink.

"An egg white omelet", she says proudly. He makes a face at the plain looking meal and she pouts. "You're eating it", she shoves the fork in front of him and folds her arms over her chest.

His cell phone goes off just before he takes his first bite and when he glances to the name his eyes widen. Peyton's thoroughly annoyed at this point and she grabs his cell phone before he can stop her. She's about to flip it open and give Nathan or Haley – two of the only options in her mind – a verbal lashing, but she catches sight of the name on display and quickly hands it back to him.

"It's Lindsey", she whispers. He nods and stands from the chair. She focuses her eyes on the copy of his new book. She was reading it before she started breakfast and in an attempt to look less pathetic she hid it on an empty chair.

"I'm gonna take this in my room", he says softly. She picks it up and runs her fingers across the title.

Peyton looks up and frowns as he leaves the room and when there's a knock on the door she turns to answer it, not bothering to change her facial expression. Julian stares back at her and he makes at face at her frown.

"You really are the worlds saddest girl aren't you?" he teases and she remembers the first time they saw each other after that ill-fated proposal. She smiles, sadly and shakes her head. "There's that smile", he whispers.

"What are you doing here?" she asks curiously. She hasn't heard from him since he left after Christmas. Not that she hadn't wanted to speak with him, things just got in the way. His dark eyes take in her form and they stop at her arms.

"You got a thing for carrying around books about yourself huh?" he asks. She looks down at the book in her hands and blushes. She opens her mouth, but he cuts her off.

"I read it", he says while motioning to _The Comet_. "It took me a while, but I actually read it. I probably would have given you a better metaphor then a big, flaming ball of gas", she laughs and he smiles. This is the side of Julian she's always known, other then when he was on the phone trying to do business.

"Yeah", she whispers. "He was just showing me something", she mumbles. They're both still standing in the doorway and she steps back to place the book on the kitchen table. He walks in behind her.

"How is he? I heard about the heart attack on the news and I wanted to check in . . . I just didn't know . . ."

She shakes her head and thankfully he stops rambling. "He's going to get better", she says certainly. "He only just got out of the hospital yesterday so. . ."

"I talked to Chelsea, she said you weren't coming back", he whispers and she has to look away. She wants to apologize. She doesn't know why, but she feels like she should. She also doesn't think it'd be appropriate. What should she apologize for? Regardless, she looks at him and whispers;

"I'm sorry." He shakes his head.

"Don't be, you can't help who you love", without a second thought she throws her arms around his neck and even though he has papers in his hands he pulls her closer.

"You'll find your big flaming ball of gas, Julian Baker", she mutters into his ear. He chuckles deeply and shakes his head. He pushes her back to an arms length and smiles.

He doesn't respond to her words, instead he says, "Give this to Lucas for me, okay?" and he hands her the screenplay. "It's great – what's done of it is great and tell him there's no rush on finishing it. A dead screenwriter doesn't do a whole lot for me", he jokes, but she makes a face. "Sorry", he says quickly.

She nods her head and watches as he steps to the door. "I love you, Peyton", and just like that time nearly 3 years ago he looks incredibly vulnerable. "I think I always will", she shakes her head. He'll find another girl that he can love just as much, if not more then he loves her.

In an instant he's back in front of her and placing a kiss to her forehead. "Be happy", he tells her quietly, before she can respond he's out the door and it's closing behind him.

"Sorry about that", Lucas's voice causes her to snap around. He furrows his brows and walks over to her. He brushes at the stray tears that have unknowingly fallen from her eyes and he kisses her cheek.

"You okay?" he asks in concern. She nods and sinks into his embrace. She's better then okay.

"That was Julian", she whispers. "He wanted to drop this off", she taps his back with the stack of papers.

"That's all?" he asks as he takes in her sad features. She takes a breath and nods her head. Julian is her past, there's no sense in trudging it all up now. Besides, she wouldn't take away the closure he got.

"What did Lindsey want?" she asks in interest. He takes her hand and leads her to the chair that's across from him. They both sit and he looks at her. He shrugs.

"She umm, she was just checking up on me", he says after some hesitation. It's not a total lie, she was checking up. But, like Peyton he's done some editing. He doesn't tell her about the tears Lindsey shed or the soft apology he offered for everything. It was closure they never got.

Peyton closes her eyes. In the midst of everything none of them had thought to call his estranged wife. He bites his lip at the silence that has taken over the kitchen. Lucas picks up the fork and places a piece of the omelet into his mouth.

"This is good", he mumbles between bites. She looks at him and laughs before stealing a piece for herself. "Hey! This is mine, make your own health food", he growls playfully. They both dissolve into a fit of laughter.

Their encounters with their ex's are already forgotten.

_It's a brand new day  
The sun is shining  
It's a brand new day  
For the first time in such a long, long time  
I know, I'll be ok_

The next few days follow the same routine. She sleeps in his mother's old room and makes breakfast in the morning. He can shower on his own and dress himself and although he doesn't admit it, he gets tires rather easily. He suspects Peyton knows this because she doesn't let him do too much at once.

"So, I think I'm gonna head over to Nathan and Haley's", she's been watching Lucas life 10 pound weights for the past five minutes. She knows he hates it. He's used to benching a Hell of a lot more, but for now this is what he can handle.

He looks back at her and smiles. "Cool, tell Jamie I said hi", he knows he can't go over there. Jamie and Haley came to visit the other day and even though his godson is mature for his age he's still a kid and that means he's incredibly hyper. Lucas used to be able to run around with him for hours on end.

"I will", she promises", she gets up from the bed and walks over to him. She leans down and presses a kiss to his lips. "I'll be home in a few hours", she whispers. He watches the sway of her hips as she leaves the room and has to shake his head.

This whole zero physical action rule is annoying. He puts the weights down and walks to the bed. He's done enough for today. Two minutes after the front door closes his bedroom one opens.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite defective blonde", Brooke's raspy voice echoes in his ears and at first he thinks it's a weird coincidence, but then his brain registers what's going on.

"She's good", he mutters to himself. He turns to look at the brunette in his room and frowns.

"Don't look so happy to see me", she huffs. He's more then aware that he's been set up; apparently he can't be left alone at all.

"I can be left to my own devices for a few hours", he grumbles. Brooke places her hands on her hips and kinks a brow.

"I know that", she says sweetly. "But, my darling P. Sawyer has kept your undivided attention for far too long. I never see you anymore", she pouts for a dramatic effect and then says, "We used to be attached at the hip."

"That's a little much", he scoffs and rolls his eyes. Her eyes turn cold and she takes an irritated stance.

"Lucas Scott, I'm wearing my two hundred dollar tennis shoes; we're walking!" she announces before walking back out his door and letting it slam behind her. He sits in bed with wide eyes. "You better be getting changed!"

He sighs loudly, hoping she can hear it, and stands from the bed. Five minutes later he's joining her on the porch.

"Let's move it, Davis", he mumbles as he walks down the steps. She trots behind him and pouts. He ignores it for as long as he can, but then she starts to sigh loudly and he has to look at her.

"What?" he asks in annoyance. She makes a face.

"Jeez, who peed in your Cheerios?" he doesn't want to, but he smiles; mostly because he's heard Peyton say that numerous times. She's still pouting and it makes him feel bad.

"Sorry", he whispers. "I just . . . I don't like having to be babysat."

"She doesn't mean it, Luke. She just wants to make sure you get healthy again", Brooke defends her best friend. Lucas nods.

"I know that, but she acts like this hasn't happened before. I'm an old pro at heart attack recovery", he tries to joke, but Brooke doesn't see the humor.

"If that's seriously your argument, we have a problem", he shakes his head.

"It's not, but I mean . . . I went through this before and I didn't have to do half the things I'm doing now", she can see his frustration and it makes her frown.

"Luke, you were eighteen and to be fair, Peyton hadn't really dealt with your recovery. Your mom didn't really want her around", she points out.

It wasn't that Karen didn't want Peyton near Lucas; she was concerned that the curly blonde would hinder her son's recovery process. They were allowed to hang out of course, but it was supervised and there were no late night visits . . . that Karen knew about.

"Yeah I know", he admits. Brooke tosses her arm around his shoulder and looks at his blue eyes. They're brighter then they used to be and she knows it has everything to do with her best friend.

"She's just gotten you back; she's trying to keep you around for good", she bumps hips with him and he throws his head back in laughter. "But, try talking to her; if it really bothers you let her know", he nods his head and she smiles.

"Good, now let's make this walk interesting", he raises his brows and can't help the fear that creeps up; Brooke Davis and interesting are two very dangerous words. "Let's see who can get to the corner first", he looks ahead of them and nods.

"What do I get if I win?" he asks.

"I'll buy you a salad", she teases and begins a brisk walk. He pouts and watches as she speed walks.

"Oh come on!" he whines as he follows after her, a few paces slower.

_This cycle never ends  
You gotta fall in order to mend_

"Can you give this to Uncle Luke?" Jamie asks as he holds out a drawing. It's of him and Lucas at the Rivercourt. Jamie is on his shoulders and Lucas is laughing as the little boy dunks the ball into the net. Peyton's heart melts.

"I sure will, Baby James", he smiles and runs outside. Nathan sits beside her and hands her a bottle of water.

"How's he doing?" he asks as he takes a sip from his own. She smiles and tucks a curl behind her ear.

"Good. He still hates that he can't run or lift heavy weights, but it's getting somewhat easier. He hates feeling like a ninety year old", Nathan nods his head and chuckles. His brother, the constant hero. "He thinks I'm too controlling", she mumbles.

Nathan hesitates. He's in dangerous waters now and he doesn't know how to back out of them. He remembers what she was like when he would get sick. The soups and the liquids and the blankets. It was sweet, to an extent.

"You can kind of be a . . . Nazi", he whispers the last word and her eyes widen. She smacks his shoulder and he yelps.

"That's not true!" she argues. He moves over a few spaces and nods his head.

"Yes, it is. Peyton, I remember the high school days when I was sick. You wouldn't let me out of bed!"

"That's because you needed the fever to pass", she counters. She sulks with her arms over her chest and he sighs.

"It was sweet though", she glares at him and shakes his head.

"Too late to work your way out of it", she says with a smirk. He snaps his fingers and playfully mutters 'damn'.

"So, how are you doing?" he asks in interest. He's seen her smile more this past week then he thinks he ever has. As if on cue, she smiles again.

"Good . . . great! Lucas and I are happy and that's all that really matters to me", she looks at him and notices the pensive stare he's acquired. "What?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing", she stares at him and he shakes his head once more. "Nothing . . . I swear", he sips his water once more and glances at the clock.

She's thinking the same thing he is. Is this too soon? Are they jumping into something blindly? Will this all crash and burn even worse then before? She's thought about it all within the recent days, but honestly she doesn't care. She has Lucas; she finally has Lucas and to her that's all that matters.

"I've got practice in an hour", he mumbles. She calls Jamie in and hugs him while promising to give his uncle the picture. Nathan walks her to the door and she kisses his cheek before walking to her car.

The entire car ride home she considers that maybe she is being a little too controlling. Maybe she can lighten up in a few areas. She parks the car in the driveway and walks into the house. She tosses her leather jacket onto the kitchen table and looks around. She knows exactly what her first step is going to be.

When he walks back into the house the smell of something sweet instantly makes his mouth water. He thinks it must be his imagination because there is no way there's anything remotely sugary in this house.

"What is this?" he asks with a smirk as he walks into the kitchen. There's batter in a few places and flour litters the floor. She turns to him with a timid smile.

"I'm making your favorite", she says simply. He raises a brow and walks in her direction.

"Sweets? In this house? I've stepped into the Twilight Zone", he mutters as he looks around. She tilts her head and scowls. If she could hit him, she would.

"I haven't been that bad", she objects. "I'm just watching out for you", she says softly. He frowns at the dejected stance she's taken and reaches out to her.

"I know, I'm just teasing", he whispers. "I love that you're looking out for me and I love that you care so much, but life goes on, Peyton. I'm here, and I'm getting healthier and while I have you to thank for that I also need to be able to do things on my own", he places a finger under her chin and brings her lips to his.

She nods in understanding. "You're right . . . these dishes are all yours", she says with a grin. He makes a face as he looks around the room. Pans and baking sheets and bowls and spoons seem to be everywhere.

"I didn't mean I needed to start today", he says and shakes his head.

"Too late", she says quickly. "You offered, can't take it back", he laughs heartily and the vibrations cause her body to jilt with his. "Are we crazy, Luke?" she asks suddenly.

"No", he says without hesitation. He knows what she's asking because Brooke had broached the subject during their walk. Are they moving too fast? Are they blocking out the issues?

"I think this is the _most sane_ either of us have been in a while", she laughs and nods her head. But, there's still a bit of doubt in both their minds. They've never been two people who can 'roll with the punches'. They analyze and they talk, that's who they are.

She nods and turns to the cooling cookies. "Here", she grabs one and places it near his lips. "It might not be as good as anything Lindsey ever made, but I couldn't make anything other then your favorite."

"Lindsey never made chocolate chip cookies", he tells her and her mouth drops. "She always thought oatmeal raisin was my favorite", she makes a face and he laughs.

"You hate raisins", she says obviously.

He chuckles and nods his head. "I know that and you know that, she did not know that."

"How can your wife not know your favorite cookie?" she asks in shock. He shrugs. In truth he always thought Lindsey knew he loved the cookie that was presently awaiting his taste buds, but she was attempting to change his outlook. Which really meant she was trying to change one thing . . .

The fact that this thoughts were always on Peyton.

Instead of responding he takes a large bite out of the still warm cookie. He savors the flavor and watches as she takes a bite. A bit of chocolate remains on her upper lip and without a second thought he kisses her deeply. Tongues and chocolate mesh together and before they break apart Lucas makes sure to nip at her top lip.

"I was right all those years ago", he muses with lust in his eyes. She furrows her brows and asks;

"What?"

She laughs because she doesn't really know what else to do. He pulls her closer, so close that she can hardly breathe, but she doesn't dare to move. He takes another bite out of the cookie in her hand and before he kisses her he whispers gravelly;

"You really can make a chocolate chip cookie taste better."

_It's a brand new day  
It's a brand new day  
For the first time in such a long, long time  
I know, I'll be ok_

* * *

Alright, so I've got the next chapter kind of planned out, but after that I'm lost. I really don't know where I want to take this, but I have some ideas floating around. Some of you should be expecting an e-mail of my rambles haha.

Let me know what you think!


	13. Drown Me In Love

**I still down own it, just like I don't own "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson.**

Your reviews are pure love! I have no words to describe how amazing you all are. I know I sound like a broken record by saying that, but it's so incredibly true.

FINALS ARE DONE!!! (well except a math one, but that's open book) but this means hopefully I can get some inspiration back for my old stories and keep up with this one; maybe even dare to start another! Now I'm just talking crazy haha.

Enjoy!

* * *

_I miss the sound of your voice  
And I miss the rush of your skin  
And I miss the still of the silence  
As you breathe out and I breathe in_

The next few weeks change things drastically. Peyton leaves Lucas to do most things on his own; except cook. He walks around the block and the weight he lifts has increased. He doesn't get tired as easily, but he does still tire. His energy is back and he can play with Jamie for more then an hour.

Most of this is because Peyton hasn't been around too much. She's been doing renovations on her studio in TRIC and that's consumed more time then either of them could have imagined.

Between construction workers and painters and sound technicians; their relationship has gotten lost in translation.

Lucas grumbles as he puts his plate in the sink. Another lonely dinner. Peyton, bless her soul makes sure to leave dinners that can easily be put in the microwave. Deciding to leave it for morning he shuffles into his bathroom and brushes his teeth before walking into his room and throwing on a pair of sleep pants. By the time he gets into bed he hears the kitchen door open and close softly.

Peyton takes of her heels and walks quietly through the house. She passes his half closed bedroom door and peeks in; he's still awake. She quickly rushes into her bedroom and changes into a sleep shirt and shorts. Then she skips down the hall and into Lucas's room.

"Hey", she says as she enters his bedroom and he smiles brightly. She leans down to kiss him and her curls tickle his face. His large hands cup her face and the kiss deepens instantly.

"I missed you", he whispers as they break apart; her face falls. He scoots over and she sits on the edge of his bed. Her hand raises and she runs her fingers over his furrowed brow before weaving them through his hair.

"I know, I'm sorry", she says softly. "It's almost done though", a smile graces her face and he smiles back. He loves her, whole heartedly. There's no denying that this is the happiest he's been in his entire life.

"It's alright", he whispers back. She lays her hand against his cheek and he kisses her palm. He knows it's coming, but it doesn't stop his face from falling when she gets up and moves to the door.

"Goodnight", she says as she stands in the doorway. It's been the same way since she moved in. They haven't slept in the same bed and even though she'll sometimes lay with him until the early morning hours; she always leaves when sleep is too much. He doesn't really blame her; he can't, but he wants it to change.

"Will you sleep in here tonight?" he asks softly. Her eyes meet his in the dimly lit room and she wants to object, but she doesn't. They haven't spent much time together and that's their own faults.

And, well, she misses him.

"Sure", she says with a smile. She walks back into the room and heads for the other side of the bed. Before he knows what he's doing he opening his mouth and saying;

"Take off your shirt", she stops to look at him and goes to shake her head. He heard the way it came out and he hadn't meant for it to sound as gruff as it did. He cuts her off once she opens her mouth. "I just want some skin on skin contact", he admits somewhat sheepishly.

She continues to stare at him and contemplates this. They haven't even shared a bed since they slept together – the hospital doesn't count – and now he wants her to be shirtless. Her fingers play with the hem of her large t-shirt and she's glad she's wearing a bra. With a burst of confidence she pulls the cloth from her body and tosses it on his chair.

The blush that creeps to his cheeks makes her smile.

She saunters over to the side of his bed that's always been hers and slips under the covers. The second she's close enough he reaches out to her and pulls her against him. He wraps his arm around her waist and she rests her head on his chest. His steady heartbeat almost causes her to sob.

With his free hand he rubs his fingers across her arm that's draped over his stomach. Her skin forms goose-bumps and he savors the feeling. It's odd; when you go so long without something you forget how much you missed it. He's missed her goose-bumps.

"Goodnight Luke", she whispers and he wishes her the same, but he doesn't fall asleep.

Her presence soothes him so that's not the problem. He stays awake and repeats the same action of trailing his fingers back and forth along her arms. She sighs in her sleep and buries herself closer to him.

He can do this every night for the rest of his life.

_If I could walk on water  
If I could tell you what's next  
I'd make you believe  
I'd make you forget_

Peyton yawns as she stirs of coffee. Her spoon continuously scrapes against the bottom of the mug and even though it doesn't seem to bother her; it makes Brooke cringe.

"Okay!" she says loudly. "I love you and you're my best friend, but that noise cannot happen", she says as she points from Peyton to the mug. The blonde makes an apologetic face; she knows that's one of Brooke's biggest irks.

"I'm sorry, B", she says sincerely. "I'm just tired", a moment later she yawns. Brooke purses her lips and knows that it's most likely from all the renovations; she knows how painful they are, but she wants to introduce girl talk.

It's the whole reason she invited Peyton over for lunch in the first place. That and the fact that she hasn't seen her best friend in ages. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but it feels like forever and considering she went practically a year without seeing her before, a month feels like a lot longer.

"Lucas keep you up late?" she questions with a kinked brow and an interested smirk. Peyton scoffs. "Is it so crazy for me to ask if you had sex?" she questions dubiously.

Peyton think about that question and almost says yes. But, it's not crazy in the sense that she isn't having any; it's crazy because of where they all used to be. There was a time when Brooke couldn't even be in the same room when Lucas and Peyton hugged, now she's asking if they've slept together. Sometimes high school really does feel like a lifetime ago.

"Kind of", she settles on. "Lucas's heart is still healing, Brooke", the brunette does not like that answer.

"Oh please", she draws out. "His heart healed the second you told him you loved him."

Yup, high school was definitely another lifetime.

"God, that is so something Luke would say, you need to stop hanging out", she teases.

Brooke laughs her raspy laugh and shrugs her shoulders. Everyday, since he got home from the hospital she closes the boutique and she and Lucas take a walk. It's not always long and they never have a destination, but it's nice to be able to talk about their lives. Brooke shakes her head. They've all grown since their Tree Hill High days, but she thinks that the 3 of them have come the farthest.

"Stop trying to avoid the question at hand . . . you, Lucas, and sex; spill", she demands as she sits at her counter top. Peyton shakes her head.

"There's nothing to spill", she murmurs. That abruptly makes her sad. She wishes she had something she could gossip about. "The biggest turn in our . . . relationship is that we shared a bed last night", and that makes her sound pathetic.

Brooke's eyes widen. "This is better then Millie being a virgin", Peyton hears her mumble. "You and Lucas – Lucas Scott – shared a bed and didn't sleep together?"

"We're not giant pandas!" Peyton points out and remembers that time in senior year . . . damn Rachel Gattina.

"Not the point, he's Lucas and you're Peyton. You guys have all this sexual tension built up", Peyton blushes. "Plus, you're kind of on a dry spell", Brooke mumbles. Peyton's mouth drops. She goes to say something, but Brooke cuts her off;

"You haven't had sex at all since Julian round one –"

"There was never a round two", she cries indignantly. The brunette rolls her eyes.

"If that's your story", she mumbles. It's Peyton's turn to roll her eyes. "And you haven't had sex with Lucas since we were teenagers!" at that the blonde looks down. "That's like 5 years . . . man, that's a long time", she whispers to herself, but Peyton hears her perfectly. Brooke looks at her best friend and notices her bowed head. She kinks her brow and folds her hands atop the counter.

"Peyton", at the serious tone of her voice the blonde looks up. "It has been 5 years, right?" The blonde bites her lip and looks at Brooke. This is her best friend and she really needs to tell someone. She takes a deep breath.

"Well, we kind of . . . may have – we slept together when I came back", she finally spits out.

"Peyton Sawyer, you little slut!" Brooke yells with a smile. She stands, with her heels on the bar of her chair and then sits back down. "Why didn't you tell me", there's a trace of hurt in her voice and Peyton shakes her head.

"It was a couple of days after Christmas and then everything just snowballed", that doesn't seem to satisfy the brunette.

"I'm your _best friend_", she says while placing a hand over her heart. "You're supposed to tell me these things, I _live_ for these things! I'm Brooke Davis!" Peyton laughs at the way her friend says these things.

"I'm sorry, B. Davis. It's just, I tried to put it behind me because of the way I felt about him and then he had the heart attack . . . I kind of put it to the back of my mind", she says with a shrug.

"But, not far enough so that you couldn't Brooke-yourself?" she teases and Peyton face turns a crimson shad of red. "Listen, I'll forgive you . . . as long as you promise to tell me all about the next time."

"Brooke, there –"

"P. Sawyer, don't tell me there won't be a next time. You're already thinking about it", she says simply as she sips her coffee. Peyton furrows her brows.

"How do you do that?" For as long as she's known Brooke, the brunette has always been able to pinpoint sexual thoughts or mishaps. It's gotten her into trouble a few times too.

Brooke shrugs. "It's a gift."

_So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love  
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love_

That same day Lucas walks into Tree Hill High. He stops by the principal's office to let him know he's here and then proceeds to Haley's English room. It's been so long since he's been here that it makes him feel disconnected from the world.

When he reaches her door he pokes his head in and smiles. She's sitting at her desk marking a stack of papers. He walks in the rest of the way and she looks up at him before looking back down. He frowns and then she shakes her head and stands up.

"Hey!" she calls out while walking into his embrace. He hugs her back and kisses her temple. "What're you doing here?" she asks as they break apart.

He follows her to her desk and sits on the edge of it. "I'm kind of tired of walking around my block, so I thought I'd come here for a little", she smiles.

"How are you feeling?"

He resists the urge to roll his eyes. "A lot better, I'm coming up on the 5 week mark so next week I have a check up. Gotta make sure this things running smoothly", he jokes while tapping his chest. Haley makes a face.

"I'm not sure that's funny."

"Yeah, sorry", he says with the same expression she's wearing. "So, where's my godson?" he asks as he looks around the empty classroom.

"With his father in the gym. They've been running drills with the guys", she rolls her eyes, but her smile betrays the way she feels.

"I'll have to stop in there before I leave . . . I miss him and the guys and even Nathan", they both laugh and Haley nods her head.

"I know what you mean, I feel like I haven't seen you or Peyton in ages", she hits his knee playfully.

"Yeah, I feel like I haven't seen Peyton either", he mumbles. She frowns. "I mean, I see her at the house and stuff, but I don't know . . ."

"She's just trying to get the studio up running, Luke. After the renovations are done she's yours to ravish again", he blushes and turns his head. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No", he says a little too quickly. Haley raises her eyebrows and purses her lips.

"I knew I should have gone to Brooke's for lunch", she mumbles to herself. "Luke, come on . . . we're best friends and adults. We can talk about this stuff."

"No we can't", he argues. "You're with my brother and you're my best friend. I don't wanna know that", he says as he shakes his shoulders. She picks up a stack of her papers and whacks his arm.

"Come on . . . I'll just ask Peyton", she says finally. He shrugs. "Luuuuke! I bet Peyton and Brooke are discussing this!"

God, he hopes not. "They're girls", he argues. This will always be the one downfall of having Haley as a best friend. Sometimes she doesn't understand that you don't share everything.

"Lucas Eugene!"

"Oh not the middle name", he mumbles. He runs his hand over his face and looks over at her. She pouts and he rolls his eyes. "There's nothing to tell."

"I don't believe that", she says skeptically. He shakes his head. There was the incident before Christmas, but he doesn't really feel like getting into that now.

"There's no ravishing of any kind", he mutters. "She's scared about my heart still."

"That's understandable. After Nathan's first Slam-ball game I didn't touch him for a week."

"Yeah, but . . . I don't know. It's frustrating. The closest we've gotten is sleeping in the same bed, last night might I add. The highlight was that she wasn't wearing a shirt", Haley makes a face.

"You're right . . . we can't talk about this", he laughs heartily and stands.

"Told you, I'll go talk to my brother about it", he teases. Her mouth drops before she shrugs.

"Maybe you can take notes!" she calls out as he reaches the door. He doesn't know if she means because he's slept with Peyton or because he keeps Haley satisfied. He shudders and turns to face her.

"I'm not sure that's funny", he mimics her words.

"Oh, it is", she says with a laugh.

_I miss the sound of your voice  
Loudest thing in my head  
And I ache to remember  
All the violent, sweet  
Perfect words that you said_

As she sits in her new office she lets it sink in that this is her home. She and Lucas haven't discussed it, but she feels it's pretty obvious that she's never going back to Los Angeles and that she wants to stay with Lucas.

Tree Hill is their history. It represents who they are and where they came from. The tortured artist and the tortured athlete. An obvious attraction, as Haley once said. She stares around the room and feels a tug at her heart. The down fall of having so much history is that it follows you everywhere.

_She heard his footsteps approaching and sighed. She was really over all this bickering. "You know what just rip up the check. I'm moving offices anyway", she said softly._

"_Let me ask you something, do you have like an alarm that goes off in you head every time I'm happy with someone else?" she furrowed her brows and he watched as her shoulders tensed. He didn't appreciate her silence._

"_What do you want from me!?" he yelled. She flinched and turned to face him. "I fly to LA, I ask you to marry me, you said no so I moved on", at this point she stood and took a step in his direction. "Why haven't you?"_

_This was it. This was her one moment at talking about it without having to bring it up like a pathetic ex-girlfriend. "Because I should have said yes", she said simply. He stood there in silence; completely stunned._

"_Luke . . . I was young and I was scared and I did not realize that by saying I wasn't ready it would mean that we would never be together again. Had I known that, I would have said yes", she said obviously. His heart dropped into the very pit of his stomach._

_He shook his head and held up his hand. "Peyton . . ."_

_She wasn't having it. "No Luke, I miss you everyday", she said honestly. "And I have told everyone here that I didn't come back for you, but I did. Of course I did."_

_She looked into his eyes and saw the emotion in those blue pools. She took a deep breath and a leap of faith. "I still love you, Lucas."_

_He shook his head. She couldn't be saying these things. She couldn't be here saying these things. He had to be dreaming. "Peyton, I –"_

_She didn't know what it was, but in that moment she needed to feel his words instead of hearing him spout out something that would hurt. She kissed him. It didn't last long and she barely got a taste of his lips before he pushed her away._

_He opened his mouth to say something, but once he looked into her green eyes all his words were lost. He pulled her back into his arms and pressed his lips against hers. Her hand caressed his cheek and his arms wrapped around her waist. They broke apart and brushed noses before resting their foreheads against each others._

"_You still love me don't you?" she said with a smile. She was sure of the answer and so when he opened his mouth and said;_

"_I have to go see Lindsey", her heart shattered._

She's so lost in her thoughts of the past that she doesn't hear her best friend walk into the room.

Brooke furrows her brows at her blonde friends brooding. Some things will never change. She walks further into the room and stops to look around. It's great. The recording studio look awesome and its better decorated, much better.

"Hey P. Sawyer", at those words Peyton snaps back into reality. "You okay?" her best friend asks softly. Peyton nods and clears her throat.

"Yeah, I was just . . . remembering something", she says softly and her eyes burn just a bit. Brooke opens her mouth, but closes it soon after. She came here with a purpose; a fun purpose.

"From what I understand, Lucas has his appointment soon", she wiggles her eyebrows and Peyton furrows hers. "Well, what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do?" the blonde asks, at a complete loss as to where her friend was going with this. She watches as Brooke stands in front of her desk with her hands on her hips.

"You need to buy some sexy lingerie and get him all worked up", Brooke says seriously and with a smirk. Peyton shakes her head.

"Brooke, I told you –"

"I know what you told me", she says deadpanned. "But, I'm telling you that those doctors are going to clear him and he's gonna be horny", Peyton blushes and Brooke's smirk widens. "Yeah, see, you know it too. P, embrace the sex machine that you are!"

Peyton snorts. "I'm hardly a sex machine but I guess it wouldn't hurt. The last time we slept together I was wearing my black dress", she shakes her head. "I don't know, Brooke."

The brunette huffs. "I figured you'd be hard to convince", she mutters. "Since Haley has boring old work", she says with a roll of her eyes. "I brought in a backup", Peyton squints her eyes. They have virtually no other girlfriends. "Come on in, secretary girl."

When Chelsea pops around the corner of her office Peyton nearly falls over. She stands and immediately rushes over to the young girl she's come to love. "What are you doing here?" Peyton asks as she pulls her in for a hug.

"I was promised a girls day", she says with a smile. "And, I wanted to give you these", she says softly as she leaves the room and comes back with a large box. Before Peyton can say anything, Brooke speaks;

"Jeez Peyton, have enough free time in LA?"

Peyton laughs and takes the box from her former assistant. She hasn't seen these in so long that it actually makes it seem like another lifetime. She can hardly believe that just a few months ago she was pining and aching for Lucas and now she had him.

She _has_ him.

"Yeah, I was a bit of a loser", Chelsea scoffs.

"A bit?" Peyton puts the box on a chair in the room and glares at her. "We'd be in the middle of a conversation and you'd stop to write something down.

"How long are you in town for?" she teases. They all laugh and Chelsea frowns.

"Only today, I'm meeting Chris's parents tomorrow", she says softly, but Peyton can see how her eyes light up. Young and in love. It's a beautiful feeling. "Which is why I'm here, I need to wear something hot under my clothes, this way even if I make a bad impression he can't resist me", she says seriously and Brooke bursts out laughing.

"That's so something I thought when I met Owen's mom", both girls laugh and Peyton watches them with a smile. If they can embrace it, so can she.

"Come on", she says with a smile. "Let's get me something slutty", Brooke and Chelsea clap their hands and leave the room.

_If I could walk on water  
If I could tell you what's next  
I'd make you believe  
I'd make you forget_

Him and his brother jog, lightly, around town. Since it's been so long, Lucas's workout plan has increased. Instead of Brooke coming over and them going for walks, Nathan drops by and they jog. It's definitely not something Brooke can do on her lunch break.

They come to the Rivercourt and the second Lucas's feet hit the familiar blacktop he feels a sense of calm. They stop running and walk in the direction of the bleachers. Lucas's takes a few deep breaths and smiles when he realizes he isn't in any pain.

"So, when's the doctors appointment", Nathan asks as he grabs the ball they keep under the bleachers. He bounces it to Lucas, who's still trying to even his breathing.

"Tomorrow", he says as he dribbles a few times and shoots the ball. It sails perfectly through the net. Nathan jogs to get the rebound.

"Is Peyton nervous?" at Lucas's silence he continues. "I know she hates hospitals." Lucas makes a face and shakes his head.

"I told her not to come", he says as he catches his breath. Nathan's eyes widen and he shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lucas looks over at his younger brother and shrugs.

"If she came she'd be nervous and it would make me nervous and I don't really need that", he says simply. Nathan nods, but doesn't feel the same way.

"How does she feel about that?" he asks. Lucas shrugs again.

"She said it was fine . . . I'm surprised she hasn't told you any of this", he says honestly. Nathan looks away and dribbles around the court. Lucas watches him with worried eyes. "Did something happen between you two?"

When his brother stops to shoot he has his answer; the ball bounces off the rim and hits the tar.

"Okay, now I know something happened. You only suck that bad when it involves a girl", he jokes. Nathan groans and places the ball on his hip.

"We haven't really spoke since she came over a few weeks ago", Lucas's eyes widen. Peyton hasn't mentioned anything. "I was an idiot and questioned how fast you guys were moving and she got defensive. Now this awkwardness looms whenever we're in the same room", he says sadly.

"Dude", Lucas chides. Nathan nods.

"I know, I'm a tool" he mumbles and drops the ball. Lucas shakes his head.

"I wouldn't say that", he reasons.

"Really? My six year old thought so", Lucas laughs and Nathan grumbles; "I'm glad you're laughing at this."

"Look, give her time. You know how Peyton is", he tries to calm his brother. "Plus, she was already thinking all the things you said, it's just hard to hear them from someone else", Nathan nods. That's what Haley said; no wonder they're best friends. "I'll talk to her after the doctor's tomorrow. I can't wait to get it over with", Lucas says softly.

Nathan's eyes twinkle. "After that it's the all clear right?" his brother furrows his brows. "You know, its okay for certain things" once again Lucas makes a face. Nathan rolls his eyes and proceeds to gently bounce up and down and sing out;

"Bom Chicka Bow Wow!"

Lucas scrunches his nose and shakes his head. "Dude", he mutters. Nathan makes an innocent face.

"What? Oh come on", he says with a smile. Lucas holds up his hand.

"No, don't . . . just don't talk", he says with a laugh. "Shoot the ball", he says while he tosses it to the dark haired Scott. Nathan frowns and bounces the ball in front of him.

"I thought it was funny", he mumbles.

_So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love  
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love_

When he walks through his bedroom door he yawns loudly. He's spent the last few hours at the hospital getting tests done and blood drawn and then waiting for the results of it all. It's tiring and he wishes he had told Peyton to come with him.

At the time he had wanted to do it alone, but the second he stepped through those doors he knew he wanted the blonde at his side. She calms him and he knows she would have found ways to distract him.

He takes off his jacket and hangs it up in his closet. He walks backwards and sits at the side of his bed. He wonders, briefly, if Peyton's already home; the house looks dark though. He runs his hands over his face and lets out a sigh. The next thing he hears is her bedroom door open and close.

He smiles unconsciously.

"What did the doctor say?" he hears her voice carry down the hall. He thinks back to his appointment and shakes his head at all the difficult terms and logistics that were discussed. Instead, he simply replies;

"Great, I'm healthy as a horse", he can picture her rolling her eyes at that statement and he laughs to himself. He hears her heels clack against the hardwood floors and a second later she's standing in his doorway.

"That's too bad", her husky voice hits his ears before he see her, but the tone of her voice alone makes his hairs stand on end. He finally looks at her and his heart pounds in his ears. "I guess you don't need your nurse after all?"

She pouts adorably and places one hand on her hip. He drinks her in. She's dressed in a nurse's costume; it barely covers her ass and her cleavage pops out. She's wearing thigh high white stockings and they have a red bow at the top. Her red heels and the white hat with a red cross atop her head complete the outfit.

His pants are suddenly too tight.

"Actually, he may have said something about special attention", he mutters breathlessly as he starts to stand. She raises her hand and with her finger motions for him to sit back down. He does it without a word.

Okay, so he doesn't _always_ hate how controlling she is.

"Good", she says with a smile. "Because otherwise, I'd have to return this", her voice is so low that he has to lean forward to hear her. With every word she takes a step forward and when she's finally in front of him she pushes him so that he lies flat against the bed. "And I kinda like it", she whispers and straddles his lap.

"Me too", he says hoarsely. She laughs and leans down to kiss him. He leans up to meet her and deepen it, but she pulls away. He grunts in frustration. When she bites her lip and rocks her hips forward he throws his head back and his eyes roll.

It's taking every bit of self control she has not to rip his clothing from his body. Slowly, she begins to undo the buttons of his flannel shirt. The last one gets unbuttoned and he leans forward so that she can slip it off his shoulders. He rests his weight on his elbows and stares into her eyes.

"Peyton Sawyer, you drive me crazy", he whispers. She looks at him and runs her hands along his toned chest. She shivers at the feel of his muscles and whispers;

"The feelings mutual babe."

He raises his hands and notices that her costume has snap buttons as opposed to actual buttons. In one quick motion the snaps are undone and she's left in a red, lace bra and matching panties.

"Oh my God", he groans. "Can all your clothes have snaps?"

_I miss the pull of your heart  
I taste the sparks on your tongue  
I see angels and devils  
And God, when you come on  
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on_

She giggles at the serious expression on his face. The white material falls off her shoulders and he tosses it aside. His rough hands stroke her flat stomach and tickle the material of her bra. She leans into his touch and he smirks when she closes her eyes.

His hands move down again and he rests them on her thighs. His thumbs hook beneath her panties and before he can inch them downwards she presses herself against the strained bulge in his pants.

She pushes his hands out of the way and works the constraints of his jeans. She kisses his chest and works her way down; taking his jeans and boxers in the process. She looks back up at him and his hooded eyes make her heart flutter.

She takes him into her hands and strokes him slowly. His head lays flat against the bed and his mouth parts. She loves that he loves this. It's all she wants to do; please him. He's been patient and calm about the fact that she hasn't been around much and she wants to do this for him.

She begins a faster pace and his face contorts into one of eager pleasure. With the strength he has he leans up and unsnaps her bra; it falls to their side. He groans at the sight of her and the movements she's still using on his lower half. He can feel his heart rate increase and after so long he doesn't want it to end like this.

He tangles his hands in her curls; her hat falls crookedly to the side of her head, and pulls her body up along his. He pushes her back against the comforters and he pulls her panties down her legs before tossing them aside.

She shakes her head and uses her strength to roll them over. She once again straddles his lap and rolls her hips into his. He lets out a breath and she smirks. He nearly loses it right then.

"I love you", he voice is raspy with lust and she stops to look at him.

"I love you too", she whispers. His hands grip her waist and they lock eyes as she lifts herself up.

She sinks down onto him and they both throw their heads back. It's only been a few weeks since they've done this, but it feels far longer. They both know it's different between them then with any other person they've ever been with.

This is pure love making.

_Sing sha la la la  
Sing sha la la la la _

_Ooo Ooo Ooo... _

_So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love  
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me, drown me in love _

His hand leaves her lip and trails up her flat stomach before cupping her breast. His other hand slides along her waist and dips lower. _To that spot_. His thumb rubs a pattern that makes her eyes roll into the back of her head and her tongue sticks out of the corner of her mouth. He's never seen anything more erotic.

She continues her movements and he continues his. They're both experiencing the most pleasure they can and they know it won't last much longer.

Her hands begin to tremble and he knows she's close. His one hand continues the pattern, but his other one grabs hers and he intertwines their fingers. They lock eyes and he bites his lip. He's so close.

The next minute they're both shaking and moaning and panting. She leans back and rests her hands on his knees while he thrusts once more. She's far too worn out so her body shakes like a limp doll with his movements.

She collapses atop him and he holds her close. They both close their eyes and she moves so that she can nestle into the crook of his arm. Their breaths start to even out and Lucas's mind beings to reel.

He can do this every night, every day. It doesn't even have to be sex. He could lie beside her every single day until the day he dies. They've already wasted so much time . . .

"Marry me", he whispers with his eyes still closed. Her green orbs snap open and turn upwards to stare at him. He's expecting a ton of different reactions. Crying, smiling, head nodding, but then she does something he never could have expected.

She laughs. Loudly and without a care in the world. His blue eyes stare at her and he blinks a few times. She's laughing?

Her smile fades away and her laughter turns into delirious giggles before they turn into simple puffs of air.

"What?" suddenly the immensity of that statement is taking up the entire room and she can't quite breathe. He feels her shake in his arms and he pulls her closer. She looks up at him with the most terrified expression he's ever seen.

"Before you left that night, you told me about your dream, the one you have sometimes . . ."

_"While I'm asleep I have this dream where . . . we're back in that hotel room in LA and you propose to me. Every single time I say yes"_

She knows exactly what he's talking about; she still has that dream from time to time. His eyes remain on her and when he shrugs it causes her body to move with his. There's really only one thing left for him to say – repeat – ask;

"Marry me."

_It's all wrong, it's all wrong  
It's all wrong, it's so right  
So come on, get higher  
So come on and get higher  
'Cause everything works, love  
Everything works in your arms _

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	14. Only Half Past The Point of No Return

**I don't own it, nor do I own "Glitter In The Air" by Pink.**

_Beautiful song_, I suggest it for everyone.

Thanks for all the reviews! I love you all so, so, so much I can't even begin to describe it. I love every ounce of feedback from you all and I appreciate the fact that you all take the time out to write something.

So, I'm thinking this is going to be wrapped up soon . . . like within the next chapter. That's kind of a bomb drop huh? Well, I apologize for that, I just don't want people to get bored with this – it's become my baby LOL.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?  
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?  
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?_

"Marry me."

Her eyes widen to the point where her brows no longer feel like they're a part of her face and she shakes her head. "Lucas", she whispers. She stops her sentence, mostly because she has no idea what to say, and sits up.

He watches as she holds the sheet tightly around her body. She stands from the bed and brings the sheet with her while she finds her panties and his flannel pajama bottoms. She would put on her own pajamas, but they're in her room. _Her room_. Because she doesn't share this room with him. That only feeds her awareness at the impulsiveness of this situation.

"Lucas . . . this is all so sudden", she mumbles while searching for a t-shirt. He watches her movements and feels the downfall about to begin. His heart isn't racing with the joy and excitement it should be. He's scared to death that this isn't going to end well.

"It's not like I'm calling you from an airport and suggesting a Vegas wedding", he teases; hoping to lighten the mood. Her eyes widen and he knows she doesn't find it too humorous. He shakes his head. "There's already been so much lost time", he mumbles.

Her eyes suddenly turn cold and her lips curl into a snarl. "Whose fault is that?" he blinks and feels his anger rise right with hers. "I'm not that one that got married, Lucas", she hisses.

"No, you're the one who said _someday_", he bitterly mocks the defense she's given everyone. She reels back as if he's just physically slapped her and shakes her head.

"And you're the one who was engaged to my best friend the next night!" she bites back. She can hear Lucas gasp and she rolls her eyes. "We're best friends", she points out the obvious.

"She said she never told you", he argues. He shakes his head and grabs his boxers. After he slides them on he stands up. He's cursing the ground Brooke Davis walks on and when he grumbles; "She said she would never tell you we kissed", he hears her gasp.

"You kissed her?!" she yells. His face pales. Apparently Brooke didn't tell her everything. "The _day_ after you _left_ me in that hotel room you went to New York and hooked up with _my_ best friend?" the tears threaten to spill, but she doesn't let it happen.

"No", he says as he shakes his head. "We got drunk and we kissed, but it didn't mean anything!" she opens her mouth to say something that will either relate to 'it matters to me' or 'a kiss always means something' so he doesn't let her. "After that lapse in judgment, do you know what I told her?" he challenges. "I told Brooke I didn't know what to do . . . that I was lost without you", he whispers as his emotions get the better of him.

This isn't anywhere near the realm of how he thought they'd be handling things right now. Granted, he wasn't expecting to propose, but he never thought that it would cause an argument. He looks at her frazzled curls and watery eyes and feels his chest tighten, but he knows it's not a heart attack.

His heart is physically breaking.

"I don't wanna waste another minute", she looks at him and he tries to read her, but it's futile. She's closed off and it kills him. Things were going so well between them and now it seems completely lost. "Peyton, I don't understand where this just went so wrong –"

"I mean Lucas . . . I've haven't even called you my boyfriend. I didn't know if you _were_ my boyfriend and now you're proposing?!" she crosses her arms over her stomach and her mouth drops ever so slightly. He reels back slightly.

It's true that they've never acknowledged each other with such formal terms, but they weren't out dating other people. Julian was here and she didn't do anything with him. He told Lindsey it was over for good. Ever since the heart attack it's been the two of them.

Lucas and Peyton.

True Love Always.

"Peyton, we've already wasted so much time. I don't see a point in putting off something we know is going to happen", he shrugs his shoulders and smiles. To him this is simple. Her answer is simple.

Why isn't it being simple?

Peyton shakes her head. He doesn't get it. "Lucas, I don't even know what we are", he opens his mouth, but she cuts him off. "A few months ago you were a boy I would never have, then you became the boy I lived with and then you were . . . a partner", she says lamely. She wasn't going to say sex buddy or lover.

He nods his head and takes a step closer. Her words hurt, but he can see where she's coming from. "If you say yes, you'll be my fiancée, and then in a few months or a year or _whenever_ . . . you'll be my wife", he says with a boyish smile that makes her want to give in. It makes her want to jump into his arms and kiss away all the worry she's putting him through now, but she doesn't. "You just have to say yes", he whispers once more. Instead she stands there; right across from the man she knows is the love of her life and asks;

"And if I don't?" her voice barley above a whisper. He stiffens and locks eyes with her. She's really doing this. This is really happening. She's really standing here, in his bedroom, after they've just made love, fighting his proposal.

"Then I don't know", he whispers. She doesn't know how to respond to that. After tonight she's realized just how much they need to work through. She bites her lip and he sees the tears forming. She nods once and reaches for her jacket.

He doesn't say anything as he watches her leave.

_It's only half past the point of no return  
The tip of the ice burg, the sun before the burn  
The thunder before lightning, and the breath before the phrase  
Have you ever felt this way?_

Nathan doesn't enjoy being woken up. It's actually one of his least favorite things in the world. Who does like it though? When you're all warm and nestled beneath the covers; it's the most comfortable thing in the world. Especially when you find that perfect way to lie, it sucks because to lose it and you never find it again.

He yawns loudly as he shuts off the engine of his Range Rover. There aren't many people he'd get out of bed for. Haley and Jamie are at the top of that list; of course. He supposes it's only natural that this blonde comes next. Back in the day he'd be at her house the second she called him. He may have been an asshole, but he really did care for her.

So that's why he's here. He steps out of his car and walks to the blacktop he played on merely hours before with a different blonde. He checks his phone one last time to make sure he has the right person and place. _Rivercourt in ten . . . please, Peyton._ He shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

The second he looks up from his phone he sees her. Her back is to him and she's wrapping her jacket around herself tightly. Somehow he doesn't think this is good. He stands a few feet away and takes another breath. Nathan Scott does not get nervous easily, but a vague Peyton Sawyer scares the Hell out of him. You don't know what you're gonna get.

"Hey", he calls out hesitantly. She turns around and smiles faintly.

"Hey", she whispers back. When she came to the Rivercourt after walking around town she knew she needed to talk to someone; Nathan was the first person she thought of.

He sticks one of his hands in his pocket. "So, I love the fact that you called me, but why not Brooke or Haley? I mean, we haven't been on the best of terms lately", he admits softly.

Her eyes water even more and she feels her lips quiver. "Because . . . I knew you'd understand", she says simply. Nathan nods. He knows it has something to do with Lucas.

Finally he notices her red pumps and the crooked nurse's hat that's tangled in her curls. He smirks that trademark smirk; she can appreciate his humor. Just like earlier he gently bounces up and down and sings out;

"Bom Chicka Bow Wow."

"Bow Wow", she echoes after him as a sob escapes her throat.

Nathan rushes over and pulls her into his arms. She burrows into his embrace; it's safe and warm and exactly what she needs right now. She cries into his chest and he feels his anger rising. It's the second time in a few short months that he's held his best friend while she's cried over his brother.

Her legs give out and he gently guides them to the floor. "Sawyer, you gotta tell me what's going on", he pleads.

"Lucas proposed", she mumbles into his chest. His mouth drops and his eyes widen.

"He never said he was going to . . ."

Peyton snorts. "That's cause I don't think he knew _he_ was going to", he purses his lips. This doesn't sound good.

"Peyton, why aren't you – how come you're here", he asks; afraid he already knows the answer. She pulls away slightly.

"I freaked out", she admits. "He just blurted it out like he was telling me we needed milk. There were no candles, no flowers, and no ring!" she rambles with a frown. Nathan furrows his brows and hugs her closer.

"You never use to be about the material things", he muses. She sighs and leans into him.

"I'm still not", she mumbles. "It's just that, after everything we've been through, I thought I warranted a little something more then a random proposal."

"The first time I proposed to Haley it was on a whim", he tries to make her feel better. "We were at my apartment and we were lying in bed; I told her she was my family and that I wanted forever to start right now", he makes a face at the sappy teenage boy he was.

"Okay, I called you because you're the rational one. You're the only one who said Lucas and I were rushing things and that we had a lot to talk through . . ."

His guilt consumes him and he shakes his head. "Peyton, I didn't mean that –"

"And you're right, Nathan. Tonight I realized that we can't just pretend that he wasn't married or that he didn't _break my heart_", she whispers as more tears fall. "There's so much unfinished business. We're not the kind of people who can just _be_ happy. I learned that in high school, I don't know what I was thinking now", she says to herself.

"When I said those things it was because I was worried about you", Nathan says softly. "I didn't mean for you to question everything."

"No, it's good that you said that. I mean who do we think we are?" she asks rhetorically.

"You're Lucas and Peyton", Nathan murmurs with a smile. "You guys are a tragic, epic love story."

She takes in a shuddering breath. "Lindsey only left him a few months ago, Nate. It was a hop, skip, and a jump and now we're together? I just feel like the whole world is closing in on us and he apparently doesn't feel that at all."

"Or maybe he trusts your love enough to ask that you stay with him through it all", her former lover gently whispers into her ear. She squeezes her eyes shut and more tears spill out.

"When did you get so smart?" she teases. He laughs heartily and her body shakes with his. He doesn't respond and she's grateful. She takes a breath and thinks that the tears have stopped, but the floodgates seem to open and she's sobbing into his arms.

"I don't wanna lose him", she cries. "But I don't think we can come back from this."

Nathan's never heard a scarier comment.

_Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?  
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone  
Have you ever been touch so gently you had to cry?  
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?_

He sits at home waiting in vain for the phone to ring. It's been a few hours since Peyton left and he hasn't heard from her. He sighs loudly and grabs his car keys; there's only one place he can think of her going.

After a short drive and lots of contemplation. He's at Brooke's house. It's late and he hopes she doesn't get mad that he's here. He walks up the pathway and knocks on her door. A minute later, he hears the soft sound of her feet against her hardwood floors.

"Lucas", she says in shock as she pulls door open. He smiles uneasily. He strains his ears for any sound of Peyton crying and when he doesn't hear anything he frowns.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" Brooke snorts. She walks into the house and Lucas follows; closing the door softly.

"I was sketching. Owen is out of town. Apparently Chase felt they were drifting again", she mocks. "My current boyfriend is spending quality time with my ex-boyfriend – the guy whose virginity I took – only in Tree Hill", she mutters.

He laughs, but it's empty. "Hey, what are you even doing here?" he turns to look at her. "I was with Peyton today, I know she bought some dirty stuff", Brooke grins and kinks an eyebrow. Lucas lets out a breath.

"She's not here?"

Brooke frowns. "No, why would she be? Oh God, what happened?" she groans out once she notices his face.

"I messed up, Brooke", he whispers. The emotions he's kept inside reach the limit and tears gather in his eyes. Brooke's eyes widen and she ushers them to the couch.

"Luke, what happened? Where's Peyton?" she asks frantically.

"I don't know", he says as the tears trail down his cheeks. "We fought . . . or maybe we finally talked through everything. I don't know, but now she's gone!"

"What could you possibly fight about?" in the brunette's mind, they should be having crazy sex and whispering sweet nothings into each others ear. Instead, Peyton was missing and Lucas was on the verge of a breakdown.

"I proposed", he admits at a whisper. She gasps and scoots closer to him . . . her typical Brooke Davis side takes over.

"How could you not tell me!" she barks while swatting at his shoulder. "I know you think I can't keep a secret, but I would have kept this one. It's huge!" her grin fades as reality sets back in. "Oh no", she whispers.

"Yeah", he says tiredly. "She freaked out and then one thing led to another and we were _screaming_ about LA all those years ago and she mentioned the night in New York", he looks at her and she smiles guiltily.

"It came up one drunken night, but like I told you I never told her about the kiss or that drunken way you attempted to seduce me", she mumbles while rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, see I kind of assumed she knew about that too", Brooke's eye narrow into a glare.

"You didn't", she gasps. He nods, "Fool", she mutters.

"Then after that I think she just didn't stop freaking out. We yelled some more and I basically begged her to say yes . . . she questioned it; asked what would happen if she didn't", he stops to take a breath and closes his eyes. "I told her I didn't know", he whispers.

Brooke sighs. "Another ultimatum. Didn't I tell you once that there was no quicker way to strangle a girl?" his bottom lip quivers and Brooke reaches over to soothingly rub his arm. "What happened after that?"

"She left. I just let her walk away like a total tool! Who does that? I proposed and then let her walk out of my house!" Brooke watches the one-sided battle he has. "God, I'm an idiot!"

"Yeah, you are", Brooke says softly. He stops to glare at her and she shrugs. "I'm not gonna disagree with you on that one, Luke", she says as she holds up her hands. He groans and runs his hands over his tired face.

"I just . . . I thought this was it, you know? This was the home stretch", he says wistfully.

"It still is, Lucas. You _need_ to believe in that", Brooke says strongly. He hangs his head solemnly.

"I'm trying Brooke, it's just so damn hard", he murmurs angrily. Brooke tilts her head to the side.

"Who ever said love was easy?" she challenges. "Especially your love", she teases. He smirks and Brooke pats his leg. "You and Peyton have already overcome a ton of obstacles, you can get past this", she needs to assure herself just as much as she needs to assure him. It may seem juvenile or unrealistic, but if Lucas and Peyton can't make it, how can anyone?

"That's the thing, Brooke", he begins as he follows her into the kitchen. "We never really _overcame_ those things. We always kind of let them fade away – like they didn't matter – because at the time they didn't. Who knew it would come back years later to bite me in the ass", he mutters.

"Lucas, I can't speak for Peyton", she whispers as she sips her coffee. "So, I'll speak for myself", he grimaces and she laughs as she hands him a mug of the steaming liquid.

"Remember Nathan and Haley's second wedding? In senior year", he nods slowly. That was one of the most intense days of his life. "Well, I asked you to stay away from Peyton", she mutters. It definitely wasn't one of her best moments. "You asked if I was joking", he frowns. He wasn't really the best boyfriend to her. "I saw her walk away from you, Luke", she whispers. He furrows his brows. "When everyone was arriving, I was ahead of you, but I looked back and I saw her walk away."

_He watched her as she walked in his direction and felt his breath get taken away. Granted, his girlfriend wore red on a daily basis so he was used to seeing the color, but it wasn't the brunette that rendered him speechless._

_It was a certain leggy blonde._

"_Hey you", he said as she finally reached him. She made a noise and attempted to smile. "So, I've been informed to avoid you like the plague", he spoke while staring ahead. "What's up?" he asked as he gained the courage to look at her._

_She shook her head. "Nothing, just . . . look if Brooke doesn't want you to talk to me just do it. I'll be fine", he smirked. Always the martyr. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her leaving._

"_Hey Peyton . . . you look nice", he whispered before walking away._

"It was then that I kind of realized that it wasn't Peyton I needed to be mad at. _You_ were the one who couldn't stay away from her", she says through watery eyes. "Lucas . . . if I couldn't come between you two, nothing else should."

"Brooke, I am really sorry –"

The brunette scoffs and rapidly blinks her eyes. "Please, I am _so_ over you, Broody", she teases. He chuckles and walks over to her.

"I know, but I still am sorry", he pulls her into a hug and silently thanks her for everything she's done for himself and Peyton through the years. "I love you, Brooke Davis", he says platonically.

"I love you too, Lucas Scott", Brooke says with a smile. "Now, go show my best friend how _in_ _love_ with her you are", she smirks and pushes him out of the kitchen.

He closes the door behind him and Brooke sighs. She dumps out her coffee and heads over to Naley's house.

_It's only half past the point of oblivion  
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run  
The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames  
Have you ever felt this way?_

Nathan sighs as he turns off his car again. He gets out and walks around to the passenger's side. He opens it gently and takes off her seatbelt. He cradles her neck with one hand and slides his other arm under her legs. After he carefully picks her up out of the car, he kicks it shut behind him.

His front door is another task. He changes positions and places her over his shoulder; the fact that she doesn't wake makes him nervous. She must be exhausted. He opens his door and carries her bridal style once again.

"Isn't this your dream come true?" he teases as he carries her over the threshold; of course she doesn't respond. "Yeah, we both found better things didn't we?" he whispers. "And I'm basically talking to myself", he mutters and laughs lightly.

"Nathan?" his wife's voice calls out and if Peyton weren't in his arms he would kiss Haley senseless. He's more grateful now, then ever, that they found each other and stuck with each other through everything.

"What are you doing up?" he asks as he stands frozen in the foyer. Her brown eyes trail between her husband and the woman in his arms. She clears her throat.

"I rolled over and you weren't there", she says while keeping her eyes on a sleeping Peyton. "I decided to make some tea for whenever you came back. What happened?" she finally asks as she walks over her the slumbering blonde.

Nathan sighs and motions over to the living room. Haley shuffles behind him in her bunny slippers and he rolls his eyes; he hates those things. "They're comfortable", she grumbles when she notices his actions. Nathan smirks and puts Peyton on the couch. Haley drapes a throw blanket over her and that's when Nathan takes her into his arms.

"I love you", he whispers and places his lips against hers. Haley gets lost in his arms and throws her arms around his neck. They break apart at the need for air and Haley smiles brightly.

"I love you too", she whispers back and kisses him quickly. "Now, what happened?" she asks as she sits across from the couch. Nathan sits in the seat beside her and shrugs. Before he can speak there's a frantic knock at the door.

"You get that, I'm gonna go make coffee; it's gonna be a long night", Haley says and marches from one room to the other. Nathan laughs and heads for the door. He opens it to reveal a frantic looking Brooke Davis.

"Is Peyton here?"

"Peyton's here."

Their first words are spoken at the exact same time. Brooke lets out the biggest puff of air. "Oh thank God", she mumbles. She rushes into the house and heads for the living room. She stops when she sees Peyton and smiles sadly.

"Oh P. Sawyer", she whispers as she walks over and brushes a curl from her friends face. Haley walks back in and raises and eyebrow and Nathan simply shrugs. At this point he has no idea what's going on.

"Brooke?" the brunette looks over at her friend and smiles softly. She stands and takes one mug from Haley's hand.

"Thanks", she says gratefully. Nathan chuckles and Haley sighs; she disappears once more. "How long has she been sleeping?" Brooke asks as she sits in one of the cushiony chairs. Nathan shrugs.

"I don't know exactly, but she's dead to the world", he says softly. Brooke nods.

"So, I guess you know", she says more then asks. The brunette Scott nods and Brooke bites her lip. "They're gonna be okay, right?" she asks timidly.

"What happened?" Haley demands an answer when she walks back in and sees her friend's sad eyes. She sits on the armchair of her husband's seat and Brooke looks at her. "And what the Hell is she wearing?"

"Lucas proposed", Haley gasps and smiles, but that fades away.

"Why is she _here_?" she asks in fright. When Brooke looks away she looks at her husband. He makes a face.

"They ended up fighting and Peyton left", he whispers.

"And Lucas watched her go", Brooke whispers next.

"Whoa", Haley whispers. "So, what did you drug her?" she asks. Peyton hasn't moved since Nathan brought her in the house. The other brunettes laugh.

"I think she's just worn out", Nathan muses. Brooke nods.

"She's been spreading herself pretty thin. With the renovations and taking care of Luke; she's kind of forgotten to take care of herself."

"What does this mean?" Haley asks with a worried face. Brooke opens her mouth, but a movement from the couch causes her to stop.

Peyton stirs and stretches her arms over her head. She sits up and meets the eyes of her 3 closest friends. She groans and shakes her head. Maybe she's dreaming it. She lies back down and places the blanket over her head.

"Oh no you don't", Haley says as she pulls the blanket from her friend's body. Peyton whimpers at the sudden chill and sits up angrily.

"Is _this_ the intervention?" only Nathan laughs because he was the only person in Karen's room the day Peyton broke down.

"Peyton", Haley's motherly tone makes the blonde groan. "How are you?"

The blonde looks at her and laughs, but the humor isn't there. Her eyes hurt from crying so much and her throat is sore from gasping for breaths. "Dandy", she quips. Brooke frowns.

"Don't do that", she scolds. Peyton looks down and fidgets with her hands. "I talked to Lucas", she says quietly. "He's really torn up about this whole situation", Peyton rolls her eyes.

"Sawyer . . ." at Nathan's voice she looks up and takes a breath. She hates her friends, but that hate makes her love them. That probably sounds crazy, but she loves how invested they are in her happiness. Happiness that she only ever really _found_ and continues to _find_ with Lucas.

For her, that's the epiphany.

"I need to go home don't I?" she asks softly. Nathan and Brooke smile faintly. She referred to Lucas's house as home.

"Yeah P. Sawyer, I think you do", Brooke rasps. "And p.s. love the hat", she says with a smirk. Peyton blushes and closes her eyes. Haley looks at all three of them and grimaces.

"Bom Chicka Bow Wow?" she asks with a scrunched nose. Peyton laughs for the first time all night and looks at Lucas's best friend.

"Do you really wanna know?" she asks as she lifts her pant leg and reveals her red heels and white thigh highs. Haley shakes her head.

"No, I don't, but I _do_ want you to talk to Lucas", she says while she stands and walks over to the front door. "Get out", she demands as she points to the porch. Peyton nods and waves timidly to her friends as she leaves the house.

"They're gonna be okay, right?" Brooke asks once again after Peyton leaves. Nathan looks at her. Haley comes over and wraps her arms around his neck; she rests her chin on his shoulder.

"I sure hope so", he whispers.

_La La La La La La La La_

_There you are, sitting in the garden  
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar  
You called me sugar_

He walks into the house and immediately notices the quiet that lurks. She's still not home. He sighs and shuffles over to the coffee pot. There's no chance of him sleeping tonight so he might as well make the best of it. He fills it with water and scoops the coffee grounds into the filter. With a flick of a switch the red light comes on and the water begins to heat.

He sheds his jacket and throws onto an empty chair in the hallway. He enters his room and stares around hopelessly. A few hours ago he was the happiest man in the world. He had the girl of his dreams in his arms and it seemed like noting could stop them. Him and his big, impulsive mouth.

He sits at his desk and throws his head back. He's never felt more emotionally drained in his entire life. He spins around and places both hands atop the wood. Maybe he'll clean. He nods his head and picks up all the loose papers. He stacks them neatly and when he picks them up to place them into a drawer, something falls out.

His heart stops and his blue eyes widen. He holds the once familiar letter in his hands and runs his finger over his name. Given everything that's happened, he's forgotten about this small piece of Peyton from before they were together. Without hesitation he rips open the seal and pulls out the folded paper.

_Dear Lucas . . ._

_I told myself I was going to stop writing these, but apparently I can't quit anything that involves you. I love you, Lucas. I love you more then I've ever loved anything or anyone and that scares me. It makes me question whether or not I'll ever be able to love with the same unbridled intensity or passion again._

_That same passion and intensity got us into trouble more times then once; this week included. Lucas, if you hadn't stopped our kiss the night of your mother's wedding, I can't promise that I would have stopped us before it escalated._

_The fact of the matter is that you're married. Married, Lucas. Vows and promises were made to another woman and I can't pretend that it doesn't break my heart. It does, it breaks my heart everyday._

_So, I'm writing to let you go. I need to let go of the idea of us. You're married and that needs to hit me one day . . . someday I'm sure it will. In the meantime I need to search the world for my Lindsey. The person I know can never compare, but that's the next best thing._

_Before you got married I told you that I've loved you since the moment we locked eyes. That hasn't changed. I loved you when I was seventeen and walked away from us. I loved you when I was nineteen and said someday. I love you at twenty-three and while you're married to someone else._

_I will always love you,_

_Peyton_

By the time he's done reading he has silent tears streaming down his face. He tosses the papers onto his desk and places his head in his hands as his body shakes with violent sobs.

He's messed up so badly in the past, it's no wonder she's hesitant to take such big steps with him. He's a terrible person and he doesn't deserve her love. He takes in a gasping breath and let's himself calm down. He wipes his face and his eyes and runs his hand over his face and through this hair. Lucas looks down at the letter and quickly rises from the chair. He can't be in here with that; it's suffocating him.

Lucas walks back into the kitchen and takes two mugs out of the cabinet; it's a complete habit for him to do in the mornings. He fixes himself his coffee and stares at Peyton's mug. It's an old Ravens one; there's a chip on the rim and the handle could fall off any day, but she refuses to use another one. What if he never sees her use it again? He shakes his head to clear those thoughts and moved to sit in the chair; he rests his mug on the table.

He sits there for a few minutes before he hears the jiggle of the kitchen door and a second later he sees her blonde curls. She doesn't look up as she closes it behind her, but when she does they lock eyes and he feels his heart stop. Her eyes are puffy and her face is blotchy, but it never fails.

She _always_ takes his breath away.

Peyton bites her lip and looks away. The smell of coffee hits her nose and she breathes in deeply. There's nothing she wants more then a hot cup of caffeine. She looks from him to the hallway and doesn't know what to do.

"Hey Blondie", his voice hits her ears and she lets it wash over her. It feels so good to hear his voice again and to hear such an endearment from him makes her smile; weakly. He's just glad to see her in this house again. She's made it into a home. "Your mugs by the coffee pot", he says softly.

Peyton nods and bites her lip again. She doesn't really want to have this conversation. She's terrified as to how it's going to end. She lets out a shaky breath and Lucas closes his eyes. Their emotions get the best of both of them. She closes her eyes, hoping to stop the tears, but when she opens them they lazily trail down her cheeks. Lucas looks at her and wants nothing more then to stand up and wipe them all away. But he doesn't move.

"I guess we need to talk huh?" she asks even though she knows she doesn't need to. His eyes meet hers and he nods slowly.

"Yeah", he says with a hoarse voice. "I guess we do."

_Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight  
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself "Will it ever get better than tonight?"  
Tonight_

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	15. Let The World Fade Away

**I own nothing, that includes "They Bring Me to You".**

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Clearly, _They Bring Me to You_ is the title of the story and I wanted to end with it. The song is amazing, I know I've swooned over Joshua Radin before and I'll do it again. Listen to the song . . . any way you can, listen to the song. I suggest youtube if you don't wanna download it, but after you hear it you might LOL.

**moodysuburbanteenagelovesong** – thanks for trusting my musical choices so much; I understand how the Pink song may have thrown you off, but when I heard it I fell in love. And naturally I'm recommending this song as well.

**Katie** – thanks for the help with this chapter. I'm sure listening to my rambles isn't always a treasure haha. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint.

There's a longer note at the bottom.

Alright guys here it is . . . the last one! Enjoy!

* * *

_You looked like the sun  
I was the only one  
Who could stare until you were done shining on me  
And as we drank our wine and let the world fade away  
The sunrise tried to end it while we tried to stay_

"Yeah", he says with a hoarse voice. "I guess we do."

Peyton looks down and nods her head; she quickly wipes at the random tears. She goes to run her hand through her hair, but stops once she hits the hat. She groans and rips the small cap from her head. She looks over at Lucas and notices the smirk he wears.

It doesn't matter that they've fought merely hours ago. He wants nothing more then to take her into his arms and whisper away all the pain she's carrying. Isn't that what love is? Isn't that what a relationship is? Caring so much for the other person that you would rather take all their pain then have them feel an ounce of hurt?

"I'm gonna change first", she mumbles while her face turns a shad of red. Lucas nods and watches as she walks down the hall. The sounds of her heels still give him a comfort he never knew he wanted.

She walks into her bedroom and once the door closes she leans her forehead against it. So far she's been on an emotional rollercoaster and it's still not over. She wills herself not to cry and it almost works.

Almost.

The second she turns around they pour down her face. She doesn't even really know why she's still crying. Lucas doesn't _look_ like he hates her. But looks can be deceiving. That thought sends a whole new wave of tears down her face.

She takes off her jacket and throws it onto the bed. She pulls the t-shirt over her head and pulls off his pajama pants. Her thigh highs and heels are next and she's left standing in the room in nothing, but her panties. She doesn't like this; feeling vulnerable. The only other times she's been so vulnerable have been around Lucas and more often then not those times ended in heartache.

Her mind goes to the night in junior year when she told him she wanted everything with him; Brooke walked into the room. The night she told him she was in love with him senior year; he said 'oh'. When she kissed him; he proposed to Lindsey. Then when she begged him not to marry Lindsey; he told her he was in love with the woman.

Tears burn her eyes once more and she groans in frustration. She's so tired of crying, but it's all she seems to do tonight. She pulls on a pair of sweatpants and looks through the closet for a sweatshirt; a gray one catches her eye. The second she pulls it off the hanger her heart aches. _It smells just like him_. First she throws on a tank top and then she pulls the sweatshirt over her head. It's baggy and so clearly the sweatshirt he used to wear in high school. She shakes her head and lets her untamed curls free themselves then she walks over to the flannel pants and folds them neatly.

Peyton opens her bedroom door and softly shuffles down to Lucas's room. She has every intention of simply placing the clothes onto his bed and walking out, but on her way back out to the hall she sees something. A piece of paper with her handwriting on it. She looks to the door before walking to his desk.

Her breath catches in her throat. She doesn't know where he got this from, but right now that doesn't matter to her. Normally she'd be angry and pout a little, but tonight isn't the time for that. She takes the letter with her and walks back to her room. She laces up her converse and grabs her car keys.

Lucas hears her scurry from room to room and by the time she's finally walking into the kitchen he's got everything done. He doesn't want to stay in this house any longer. It's painful and suffocating and they both need the fresh air to fill their lungs. He picks up both mugs and faces her.

He thought he heard her leave the house, but he wasn't too sure; her trademark converse let him know she did. Peyton's got a big box under her arm that he's seen once before and an opened letter that he read and sobbed over only an hour ago. His mouth goes dry and he tries to speak, but she stops him. She takes a deep breath and hopes she can keep her emotions in check.

"I saw this in your room and I don't care that you took it. It reminded me of these", she says as she places the box onto the table. "There are _hundreds_ of letters in here", she runs her finger over the top. "Okay, Luke so before you make any decisions I want you to know that this is how I spent nearly _everyday_ in LA", she whispers. "Talking to you", she says sadly.

He looks at Peyton and then his blue eyes trail to the large box. Peyton expects him to say something or to rummage through the letters, but he doesn't so that. Her words touch him in way that he can't really describe. Now he knows how she feels every time she reads on of his books; he needs to stop teasing her for the tear stained pages. His eyes cloud over and he has to clear his throat several times before whispering;

"Come somewhere with me."

Her eyes fill with confusion, but she doesn't question it aloud. Instead she nods her head and walks forward. Peyton takes the travel mug from his hand and attempts to keep moving, but something stops her. Lucas's hand. His larger hand clasps her smaller one and once he intertwines their fingers she lets out a breath.

He takes a deep breath; he just needs to feel her right now. She always gives him a calming feeling and this time is no different. His heart immediately slows and his blood stops rushing in his ears. He grabs his car keys and his jacket before opening his kitchen door.

That's how they leave the house; connected, but more broken then ever.

_The rest of my life can't compare to this night, whoa oh  
And only the heartaches have given me sight, oh, oh  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah_

They drive in his vintage Mustang in silence. The one comfort either of them have is their intertwined hands that rest on Peyton's leg. She still isn't sure where they're going, but she doesn't want to ruin the stillness by speaking.

At first she has no idea where they're going, but once he pulls into the sandy parking lot she smiles. They walk out of the car and once again Lucas finds her hand. She clings to it for dear life; as if it's the last time she'll get to hold his hand. The walk through the sand and the smell of the ocean fills their senses. It's peaceful out here and she's glad that he wanted to get out of the house. They walk in silence to their spot.

The place where he found her that summer before senior year. It's the place where they made love the night before she left for LA in high school. It's the place that will ultimately be remembered for their reconciliation or their demise.

They both sit down and a chill immediately hits Peyton; she should have dressed warmer. It's nearly March, but there's still a cold breeze in the air. She can't believe it's almost March and she can't believe what a true whirlwind her life has been from November up until now.

As she shivers Lucas pulls her close and kisses the top of her head. He inhales her scent and rests his cheek atop her curls. She leans into him and even though the world truly does feel like it's falling down around them, she's never felt more secure. She opens her mouth to ask him something, but Lucas beats her to it.

"Do you hate me?" he mumbles into her curls. Her eyes widen and she tilts her head to look at him.

"No", it's impossible for her to think of hating him and her tone emphasizes that. "I was going to ask if you hated me", she says meekly.

"How – why would I hate you?" he asks with a laugh in his throat. The thought of him hating her is ridiculous to him.

"Because Luke, I – I ran", she says sadly. "You proposed and I ran away", she says with a shake of her head.

"No, I shouldn't have proposed", he whispers and takes her hand in his. "I mean I wanted to and I don't regret that, but I shouldn't have done it that way . . . not without us talking about things first", his voice is low and raw and she's sure she'll cry a few times before they leave this beach.

"I guess the whole point of coming out here was to talk, right?" he nods and she breathes in that wonderful salty smell once more. Without a second thought she climbs between his legs and he embraces her. His arms are around her shoulders and he reaches for her hands.

"I'm sorry about the whole Brooke thing", he whispers. She plays with his fingers and shakes her head.

"I'm not mad about that", he scoffs softly. "I mean I am – it seems like everyone wore my ring, but me", after she says that she closes her eyes. That was a bit of a dig. "But it's not the main issue here, Luke", she whispers and he nods. He knows what the main issue – issues – is.

"I'm sorry that I left you", he says solemnly. "I regret it everyday, Peyton."

"Why _did_ you leave?" her eyes already burn and her voice shakes. Lucas squeezes her hand and takes a deep breath.

"I was hurt", he says honestly.

"I wasn't saying I didn't want you, Lucas. I wanted to be with you, forever, more then anything. We were just so young and we were still finding out who we were . . ."

"I know", he whispers when she trails off. "I know." He swallows hard and continues. "My pride clouded my judgment and as soon as that door closed behind me . . . I swear to you I wanted nothing more then to run back in their and hold you", silent tears are streaming down her cheeks. The occasional breeze causes her curls to stick to her face, but she doesn't try to move them.

"So why didn't you?" she asks desperately. He can hear the tears in her voice and it kills him. He holds her closer and rests his forehead against back of her head.

"Like I said . . . I was too hurt to accept any of the things my heart was telling me. After I left New York I went back to Nathan and Haley's and I was a dead inside. I picked up the phone so many times . . ." he whispers.

"I did too", she admits. "I had a breakdown at work and ran into the copy room. Some guy – Julian although I didn't know it at the time – tried hitting on me and after he left the room I cried some more before I dialed your number. I hung up before you answered."

They both sit and think about how differently things would have been if either of them had called or had bothered to stay on the phone long enough to hear the other persons voice.

"What about the book signing?" he asks quietly. She raises her eyes to the sky and takes a breath. "Why didn't you just _stay_?"

Because it's still considered winter the sun rises later then usual. By now it would be starting its way up, but now the sky is still painted in shade of purple and blue and the starts twinkle brightly. The stars give her a comfort. In LA on those rare nights, she would pinpoint a star and imagine that Lucas was looking at the same one. And for that second they were connected.

"I was already putting my heart out there by going to see you and when Lindsey kissed you . . . I felt my whole world fall apart; again", she mumbles.

"God", he murmurs against her neck and the warmth of his breath causes her to shiver; in response he holds her closer. "We weren't together then, Peyt. To me it was nothing more then a thank you kiss, but after you didn't come . . . I figured you'd given up on the idea of us, so we went to dinner that night", he tells her and she frowns.

She should have stayed.

"After that I ran into Julian and a few months later we were a couple. I tried to put all thoughts of you and Tree Hill out of my mind, but that didn't work. Every time I saw a copy of Ravens, I bought it", that last part he knows. He's got a scar near his eyebrow from where a hardcover copy nicked him.

She tries to push the curls from her face, but the wind continues to blow and her tears continue to spill out and her hair just won't agree with her. Lucas chuckles even though it may not be appropriate and takes the hair tie that's on her wrist. He pulls her hair back and ties it up neatly. "Better?" he asks close to her ear. She nods and he kisses right behind her earlobe.

"Luke . . ." she says softly. This part of the conversation she doesn't really want to have, but she knows it's the most important. "Why'd you get married?" she asks in a small voice.

He closes his eyes when he feels the burn of tears looming. He knew it was coming, but to hear her question it in such a broken voice . . . it breaks him down even more. "I don't really have a straight answer for you", he admits.

She looks up at him and smiles softly. "Try me."

He nods and lets out a breath. When he inhales again the smell of the ocean reminds him of all the other nights they were here. "I was still hurt and I was scared. Peyton, when you didn't want to marry me right away, I was crushed and I promised myself I wouldn't be put in that position again."

"Lucas, I told you I loved you. I kissed you and told you I should have said yes. You went home and proposed."

"I didn't mean to", he tells her. "When I got home, Lindsey had found the ring", she closes her eyes and a few tears trail down his cheeks. "I had every intention of telling her that it was over, but I was still so scared and before I really knew what I was doing, I was down on one knee", he whispers sadly.

"Oh God", she breathes out.

"Maybe a small part of me was trying to hurt you by going through with it", he admits for the first time ever. She tenses and he curses himself. "I'm just trying to be honest here", he whispers. She nods and then he says; "I never expected her to say yes. Lindsey's a smart girl; I figured she knew my second book was about you. Haley knew", he says with a slight chuckle. Peyton laughs too.

"Yeah, she told me about that. Right before I left she and I cleared the air on a couple of things."

Her mentioning the day she left reminds him of the hole in his heart that never quite filled. He looks down at the blonde in his arms and just stares at her. He's pretty sure that hole's filled now.

"There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to talk to you, or look at you or hold your hand", he whispers with emotion in his voice. "And I know that makes me a terrible man because I was married, but Peyton . . ." he has to stop and swallow past the lump in his throat. "You have a hold on me like nobody else ever will", he says in awe of their bond.

"I know", she whispers his earlier words and leans her back against his chest. "I know."

They sit like that in the silence. The sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore is the only noise to hit their ears. Everything's in the open now. They have no more skeletons and hidden feelings of anguish. That's almost scarier then hiding those feelings. They're both completely exposed and vulnerable and Peyton doesn't deal with vulnerable too well. But Lucas gives her a confidence in love that she hasn't felt with anyone else.

"I'm in love with you, Lucas", she finds herself whispering. "And that's a pretty big deal."

He remembers that night in Honey Grove, Texas. The prom that they crashed and the night he spent with Peyton is forever etched into his mind. So are the morning after and the angelic glow the sunlight cast upon her. He promised he loved her then and he meant it, but he doesn't say it now. She's nervous and doesn't really know why, but she needs to hear some kind of sentiment from him that lets her know where he's at.

"Let's go home", he whispers into her ear.

And she's never heard a sweeter phrase.

_Moon pours through the ceiling tonight  
Embraces us tight  
Shows me we're right for each other  
And as we lie here and let the world fade away  
The sunrise tries to end it while we try to stay  
_

They walk back into the house through his bedroom door and Peyton's eyelids are so heavy she's surprised she's able to walk. It's been an emotional set of hours and she's surprised she's made it. Sometimes the hardest things to do are the things you need the most. Her talk with Lucas definitely tops that list.

She plops down onto his comfortable bed; just needing to regain some energy. She leans her back against the pillows and closes her eyes; Lucas watches the whole thing with a smile. She looks so perfect and _right_ in this moment. It's like they're finally free of the weight that's been on their shoulders.

He takes off his jacket and throws it onto his desk. He thinks back to her letters and something he said earlier and he walks to his closet. Peyton's eyes are still closed, but she hears his movements. He pushes past hangers and the other mindless crap on his shelves. And when his hand hits that solid box he grins.

"Here", he says as he places a cardboard box onto the bed. She opens her eyes and frowns at the interruption; she was very close to sleep. Peyton scoots over to it and furrows her brows.

"What is this?" she asks as she opens the medium sized box. She's met with pictures and a letter and a few unopened cd's. "Lucas why aren't these opened?" she asks as she picks them up and flips them over. Her heart stops. This is his box. The infamous box she learned of in high school. It's the box that's all about her; his Peyton Box.

"Like I said . . . there wasn't a day that I didn't think about you", he whispers and watches her eyes fill with more tears. He nervously stuffs his hands into his pockets. "They're all produced by Red Bedroom, I bought one whenever I saw one", he shrugs and Peyton looks at him with a small smile. She bashfully raises her hand and wipes at the lone tear that spills from her eye.

She didn't really need proof that he thought of her, but this almost makes everything seem worth it. The heartache and the longing. The pain and the suffering. It was all something they needed. They didn't understand it then and they may not understand it ever.

It was all part of a plan that was bigger then them.

She picks up some random magazine clippings and smiles briefly. "_Small town dream becomes a big city reality_", she reads the headline. Beneath it is a split picture of her in front of TRIC when she was 17 that she's sure either Brooke or Karen sent in and the other half is her outside of Red Bedroom Records in Los Angeles. There are a few other random articles in there and she can only smile.

"I was proud of you", he mumbles through a blush. "I am proud of you", he clarifies. She nods and bites her bottom lip. She's mulling over a question and for some reason she's nervous to ask it. Finally, she takes a breath and blurts out;

"Can stay the night?"

Lucas makes a noise that lets her know she didn't have to ask it. He nods his head and he pulls his t-shirt from his body. Peyton does the same and his eyes widen. "I just want some skin on skin contact", she says as innocently as he had a few days ago.

He smiles and pulls down the comforter while Peyton lifts the pillows. He meets her eyes and they both smile. "So, I guess this means you're my boyfriend huh?" she asks with a smirk on her lips. Lucas shrugs.

"I could be your boy-toy", he grins wolfishly and she giggles. She shakes her head and climbs into her side of the bed.

"I like boyfriend better", his grin softens into a sweet smile and he nods his head.

"Me too", he whispers. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom", he says while grabbing the flannel pants she wore earlier and leaving the room. Once he's gone Peyton buries herself into the pillows and squeals loudly. Life seems pretty great.

Her burst of excitement comes and goes and then sleep takes over once more. She rolls onto her side and closes her eyes. When Lucas walks back in he smiles and shuts the light off. He crawls into bed beside her and assumes she's already sleeping so he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. This isn't good enough.

"Hey", he whispers in hopes of getting her attention. She rolls over to face him and pouts; she's on the very brink of sleep. "How about you move in", he says more then asks and she beams.

She smiles silently for a minute before she snaps back to reality. "I'd love that", she whispers and kisses him.

It's on complete impulse and throws Lucas off guard. It takes him a second, but eventually Lucas pulls her closer; they both feel the other person's rapid heartbeat. He moans into her mouth and once they break apart he kisses her forehead.

They can both silently agree that was the best kiss ever.

They're both breathless and their blood is rushing through their veins. She burrows into his arms and rests her nose against his bare chest. "Don't let me go, okay?" she whispers tiredly. On instinct he pulls her impossible close to him. He knows she means that sentence figuratively as much as she means it literally.

"I'll never let you go again, Blondie", he whispers and kisses the top of her head. As they close their eyes the sky turns an array of orange and pink and red and it feels right.

A new day begins and so does the rest of their lives.

_The rest of my life can't compare to this night, whoa oh  
And only the heartaches have given me sight, oh, oh  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah  
They bring me to you, whoa oh  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah_

Merely hours later Lucas, Peyton and their friends are standing in the airport waiting for the flight to Los Angeles to be called. Lucas had woken up before her this morning and announced they were moving her in a.s.a.p. There was no way she was going to disagree.

"So we shouldn't be gone for too long", Peyton says with a smile as she talks to Brooke and Haley. "We just need to pack up my things . . . I'm leaving all of the furniture mostly because I won't need it here –"

"Peyton!" Haley yells to stop her rambling. Her blonde friend blushes and Brooke pushes her playfully.

"You'll be gone for like a few days", the brunette says easily. "Then its Tree Hill for good!" she cheers with a grin. Peyton has to admit that that sounds amazing. Tree Hill – home – for good. She glances over and locks eyes with Lucas. He winks and she feels her heart flutter.

"Get a room", Haley mutters and Peyton blushes before rolling her eyes. Brooke laughs.

"They'll be on a plane for a few hours Tutor Mom", Brooke says and then her eyes light up with mischief. "You know, to pass the time, you could always join _the club_", she says with a grin.

"Brooke!" Peyton scolds and blushes once more. She looks to Haley for help, but the petite brunette simply shrugs.

"Nathan and I have traveled without Jamie before. It's gets a little boring", she says simply. Peyton opens her mouth, but before she can say anything Lucas and Nathan walk over with Jamie trailing behind them.

"What's with the pout?" she asks the small boy as he joins the girls. He looks up at her with his big doe eyes and juts out his bottom lip.

"Are you leaving again?" Peyton's heart breaks and she scoops him into his arms. He tugs on her curls and refuses to meet her eyes.

"I am leaving, but I'll be back in a few days", she promises and he nods his head slowly.

"Pinky swear?" he holds up his small pinky finger and Peyton smiles before locking it with her own.

"I promise you, Baby James", she says and swings their fingers back and forth. He kisses her cheek and wiggles to put be down. He grabs Brooke's hand and then Nathan steps forward. He pulls her into his arms and whispers into her ear.

"So, Haley wanted to get a start on spring cleaning. You wanna tell me why I found a painting in my closet?" her eyes widen and she feels herself blushing once more. She completely forgot about that incident during Christmas. He pulls back and looks at her knowingly. "It's alright, I blamed it on Jamie", they both laugh. "Make sure you come back to us", he says seriously. She nods and whispers that she will and then Lucas and Peyton's flight is called.

They walk off with their hands clasped and wave to their loved ones. As they walk Peyton leans her head on his shoulder and asks;

"What's your take on the mile-high club?"

He looks down at her and raises his brows in interest. "I've always wanted to become a member." She can only giggle.

After a few hours they're stepping into a cab with the humid air surrounding them. She routinely tells the driver the address for her recording studio and the rest of the ride is spent with Lucas and Peyton giggling softly about their adventures in the bathroom.

Lucas pays the driver and pulls their bags out of the car. Peyton walks into the building and Lucas trails behind her. She probably should wait, but she honestly can't wait to see Chelsea. Lucas huffs and puts the bags on the floor before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

"Thanks for the help", he mutters teasingly. She laughs and kisses him quickly.

"Sorry, I just _really_ wanna see Chelsea", he watches as her eyes fill with excitement and then he nods before taking her hand and walking to her closed office door. She doesn't think anything of it; she basically told Chelsea this place was hers to run.

Lucas opens the door and quickly yells out; "My eyes!" his hand covers his blue eyes before he raised their intertwined hands to block Peyton's.

"Seriously! On my desk?" Peyton yells out from behind her obstructed eyes. Her former assistant and Chris Keller scramble to button their clothes and Chelsea straightens out her hair.

"It's not like you ever used it", she quips back. Peyton's mouth drops and she moves away from Lucas's hand. "And it's not your desk anymore", she adds.

"Bitch", she gasps playfully.

"Shrew", Chelsea says with ease. Both girls laugh before hugging fiercely. It's only been a few days since they've seen each other, but when you see someone everyday for over a year, you learn to savor every minute you have with them.

"What are you doing here?" Chris mumbles. Chelsea laughs and slaps his shoulder playfully.

"Be nice, Chris", she admonishes. Lucas smirks and looks at him pointedly. Peyton kinks an eyebrow and leans over to smack him.

"You be nice too", she reprimands the same way Chelsea had with Chris. She turns her attention back to her male friend and says; "I wanted to pick up a few things. Lucas and I are moving in together."

Chelsea gasps and hugs her again and Chris smiles softly. He's gotten over his crush for the curly blonde, but he imagines she'll always hold a piece of his heart. He wonders if she does that to every guy she meets.

"So, you're not coming back to LA?" Chris asks softly. Peyton looks at him and shakes her head.

"I don't really plan on it. Chelsea has this place under control and my home is in Tree Hill", she says simply. Chris nods, but they all see the dejected look on his face.

"Hey Lucas, why don't you come out there with me", Chelsea says while she grabs his arm and pulls him from the room.

"I'm gonna miss you", the musician whispers once the door is closed. Peyton nods and walks over to him.

"I've already been gone for a couple of months", she points out.

"I know, but I always kinda figured you were coming back", he says honestly. "I still kind of am", he teases and she smacks him before hugging him tightly.

"I'm gonna miss you too", she whispers when they break apart. Chris kisses the top of her head and they both hear laughter from outside.

"We got pretty lucky, didn't we?" Chris muses as he stares at the closed door. Peyton leans into him and nods.

"We certainly did."

Outside Chelsea tells Lucas about the night she met Chris's parents. It was pretty harmless until she walked in on his father in the bathroom; then it all went downhill. She had an allergic reaction to the pie his mother made and then she spilt wine all over their handmade table cloth.

"That sounds like a nightmare", Lucas says through a laugh. She nods and wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Oh it was", she assures him. Her eyes catch the pen on her desk that she still doesn't let anyone use. It's her 'Lucas' pen. Her mirth dies down and she looks at him seriously.

"You know, the first time you came in here I was completely enthralled by you . . . now you _totally_ bore me", she says with a sigh. Lucas chuckles and to Chelsea's surprise – and hidden thrill – pulls her into his arms.

"Thank you for being there when she needed someone", he whispers. She hugs him back and nods against his shoulder.

"Thank you for coming to your senses", she whispers appreciatively.

"Alright squinty", Chris says as he walks out to the desk. They break apart and Peyton walks to Lucas's side. "You've got your own girl", blue meets blue and they both share a silent understanding. If Lucas ever hurts Peyton again, Chris will kill him, but Lucas doesn't plan on hurting her ever again.

"We should get going", Peyton says. "We've got a lot to pack up tomorrow", Lucas groans. "And the hotel to check into still", he groans again.

"Why aren't you staying in the brownstone?" Chelsea asks as she hands Peyton one of the smaller bags. The blonde shrugs.

"It would be kind of sad, I'd rather be there tomorrow to pack things then sleep there for the last time."

"Okay, well have a safe flight", Chris says as they all hug and shake hands.

"Call us . . . whenever", Chelsea says with a smile. The blondes walk away and before the elevator door closes they wave to their friends.

"They seem happier", Chelsea muses. Chris nods and wraps his arms around her.

"Maybe they finally found their peace."

_It's all about the first night and last,  
Some people say  
Well I love you so much more tonight,  
More than yesterday_

"Fourth floor", the young man says as he hands Lucas the room key. Lucas smiles and thanks him; not bothering to look at the number on said key. He and Peyton walk hand-in-hand to the elevator and before the doors close she leans up to kiss him sweetly.

"What was that for?" he asks with a gruff voice. She shrugs and looks at him innocently.

"I just felt like kissing my boyfriend", he feels his heart soar at the sentiment and smirks. He pulls her flush against his body and savors the giggles that leave her perfect mouth. His lips plant onto hers and the second he gets the chance he slips his tongue inside.

"What was that for?" she asks breathlessly. He shrugs and looks down at her innocently.

"Just felt like showing my girlfriend a preview of the ravishing I have planned", he says simply and her mouth drops. The elevator dings and he gathers their bags once more. Peyton takes a breath and collects herself. She's sure she's blushing.

"And where are we staying for the night?" she asks as the leave the elevator. Lucas looks down and freezes. "Luke?" she asks in concern at the face he makes.

"I swear I didn't plan this", he mumbles while looking Peyton in the eyes. She kinks a brow in confusion and shakes her head.

"I don't know what you're talking about", she says as she takes the small card from him. She looks at the number and doesn't think anything of it. Peyton looks back at him and his face is still pale. She's more confused then ever, but she shakes her head and searches for their door.

She stops in front of room 425 and slides the card in. It beeps and the light turns from red to green. Without a second thought she pushes it open and then her heart leaps up into her throat. She hovers in the doorway and her eyes scan the all too familiar room. The chair is in the same spot and so is the floor lamp. She feels like she can't breathe. She knows Lucas is still behind her and she knows the bags he carries are heavy, but she can't move.

She's afraid to step in.

"Babe", Lucas whispers. She flinches and looks back at him. He hears her mumble an apology and she hesitantly steps in. He follows her movements cautiously. "Do you want me to see if we can get another room?"

"No", she says softly. "This is fine", he doesn't believe her for a second especially when she crosses her arms over her stomach and hugs herself closely. But he won't push her.

Lucas walks around the room with tentative steps. It's almost like he's afraid his heart will fall out at any moment and this room will swallow it whole. It's clear he didn't try to set this up. It hurts him just as much to be here.

Peyton looks at that damn leather chair in the corner and wants nothing more then to throw it out the window. Lucas looks at her and frowns. "Want me to put it somewhere else?"

She meets his eyes and shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry", she takes a deep breath, "I'm fine."

He nods and picks up their toiletry bags. He walks into the bathroom and places the small bags on the sink. He takes the moment he has alone to breathe deeply and stare at himself in the mirror. It's been a while since he's been here, but the last time he was he was a totally different person. He looks down at his left hand and lets out a breath. The tan line he had after he took off his wedding band has disappeared and he's grateful for it. Every inkling to the horrible person he used to be is gone.

Peyton looks around the room; unsure of what to do. Their bags are in the corner and Lucas seems to be taking care of everything. She's pretty much a zombie. There are only three places in the room to sit and even though they all hold painful memories, she plops down onto the foot of the bed.

It's weird to be here. Last time she was here she walked in happy and in love. When left devastated, but still in love. _It still looks the same_, she thinks. That crack in the ceiling is just as long as last time. She looks to her side and feels her eyes widen. That same picture hangs on the wall, the one that Nathan mentioned at the airport. Instead of bursting into tears like she expects herself to; something clicks.

"_While I'm asleep I have this dream where . . . we're back in that hotel room in LA and you propose to me. Every single time I say yes."_

Maybe this is all part of that plan that's bigger then them.

"Ask me again", she whispers suddenly. Lucas snaps his head around to stare at her. They lock eyes and he furrows his brows.

"What?" he asks breathlessly. His heart is pounding in his ears and he isn't sure he heard her right. He isn't sure he can handle having heard her wrong.

"Ask me again", she whispers slowly. She's sitting on the edge of the bed and he can see the rapid rise and fall of her chest. She's just as nervous as he is. He smiles in confusion and she raises an eyebrow expectantly. He walks over to her and kneels in front of her.

"Peyton I love you", he begins. He has to stop because his mouth is too dry to speak. She squeezes his hands and sits up a bit straighter.

"Yes!" Peyton shouts and then blushes while Lucas chuckles.

"I didn't even ask you yet", he teases. She shakes her head and he watches as her curls wobble with her movements.

"Sorry", she whispers. She grins and he can't stop the smile that forms. "Go ahead", she tells him seriously. He laughs again and asks;

"Are you sure? I mean you're not gonna interrupt me again?"

She laughs loudly and pushes against his chest playfully. "Stop it . . . I promise I won't."

He nods and takes her hand in his. He brushes his thumb across her knuckles and tears form in Peyton's eyes. He looks back up at Peyton and his eyes shine with the same unshed tears. Blue and green get completely lost in each other. Lucas opens his mouth and with a hoarse voice he speaks;

"Peyton, I love you and I know things haven't been easy, but you have been so strong. So strong and unwavering when I've strayed from _us_. I love you and I _have_ always loved you and I _will_ always love you. Peyton Sawyer, will you marry me?"

By the time he's done they both have tears streaming down their faces. Peyton stares at him and Lucas continues to wait for an answer. She squeezes his hand and nods her head.

"Yes!" she shouts. "Yes, I'll marry you!"

He grins widely and pulls her into his arms. He stands and she squeals as he spins them around and meets her lips for a passionate kiss. He stops moving and they simply stand in that once dreaded hotel room making new memories. They know it won't be always easy and there will be times when it's incredibly hard. But if it's one thing they've learned it's that they can overcome it together.

_The rest of my life can't compare to this night, whoa oh  
And only the heartaches have given me sight, oh, oh  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah  
They bring me to you, whoa oh  
They bring me to you, yeah, yeah_

**

* * *

**

**A/N:**

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I don't think you understand how much it means to a writer; unless you are one. Taking the time out to write even the smallest comments means the world and I wouldn't have finished this if it weren't for you all . . . I would do individual thanks, but it's late and I'm incredibly tired. Just know that I know who all the devoted reviewers and readers are and I love you more then anything!

It's been a bumpy ride and I thank you all for sticking with me. This started out as nothing more then a one-shot and because of you all it became a story I'm really proud of. I'm sad to see it go, but I'm proud of the reception it's gotten. I hope you'll stick around to see more from me.

Thanks for reading and one last time let me know what you think!


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